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Title: Being the Observer instead of the participant Post by: funfunctional on December 01, 2014, 11:32:32 AM Hello. For years the craziness has gone on. Who is saying what to whom and when and where and why? That is how my extended family has functioned. It truly is sad as a couple of very disturbed family members can wreak havoc on a family. Create an atmosphere of mistrust, chaos, hurt & drama.
Many of us here have identified the disfunction in our families and emotionally/psychologically realize that there are families that exist that are supportive and often kind and loving. Unlike the families we grew up with, we see that all the craziness or meaness or disloyalty doesn't exist in all families. We see the bigger picture of life. Call it an evolution or perhaps a revolution. Yes, we are choosing to overthrow the existing "norm" or regime and replace it with a new constitution that includes: (I) The right to feel happy (II) the right to love one another (III) support each other and actually (IV) the right to enjoy life. What? A compliment? :)id you pay me a compliment? Wow! Oh my and I just got a hug. Can YOU imagine that. **** I am providing a stable and calm household for my kids? Unheard of! ******I am providing a place of peace in my home. A voice of reason and discussion. A place of consistency and non continuous drama ***** How do we do this? There is yet only one way. To let go of the old. Build your fort people. Once you have your own circle around you stay on the inside. You can be the observer now. This will allow you to step out of the patterns of responsive behavior. Like trained rats we all have emotional responses to those people in our lives that have been a steady source of negativity. What say you? I say this. stop participating in the drama and watch. BE the observer and no longer the participant. People with BPD need responses. They will most likely move onto someone else. But nonetheless you won't be an active participant in the chaos of negativity that keeps us from having a peaceful life. No, I am not a professional. Just a person that has been granted the lessons in this life of having some troubled souls to deal with. |iiii Title: Re: Being the Observer instead of the participant Post by: clljhns on December 02, 2014, 07:16:07 PM Hi funfuctional,
I agree with 110%! If you don't give your energy to something, then it doesn't have the "food" it needs to continue. I applaud you in your realization of this freeing epiphany! Job well done! Carry on! Peace and blessings. :) Title: Re: Being the Observer instead of the participant Post by: Marcia on December 04, 2014, 05:35:40 AM This is just what I needed today. My BPD mother (at 88 no less) is turning the world upside down again. I stepped out a few years ago after doing my best to be a support. I need to stay the observer for my own health and sanity. Your thoughts hit home for me.
Title: Re: Being the Observer instead of the participant Post by: funfunctional on December 04, 2014, 08:10:38 AM I am glad what I said helped you Marcia. We all help each other here. It is a nice place to go and be safe and sometimes vent and feel like we are not alone in all this.
Stay the observer as much as possible. Helps to step back and remove yourself. Funfunction |