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I have seen many posts on here about spouses who are touch averse.  I personally don't see how they can live like that.

Meanwhile, my wife never touches my body, anywhere.  I find that my blood pressure goes up, I feel tense, lethargic and physically just bad sometimes. 

What about you all who are also in my situation.  What effects do you have going without being touched?

I mostly stopped touching her.  It is sad, but I got fed up with her attitude about many things.  Plus, if I got too friendly (even a deep kiss), then she would get upset most of the time.  Currently, she wants touch from me, but I cannot bring myself to initiate it.

I actually get tense if she touches me now.  I feel like I may fall into the caretaker roll again.

Without touch, it is quite difficult.

Her only touch was with a fist.

I divorced her

My uBPDw of 22yrs and I are currently separated. When we were together, slept in different bedrooms for the last 10 or so years. Went one stint without sex for almost 3 years. Hugs were met with nothing from her.

Also the abuse was terrible so I learned to withdraw and build walls.

She kicked me out in August, called the police for no reason and all.

I left. I was very lonely but decided I was better off being lonely, alone.

Now that I haven't returned, she begs and pleads for intimacy and touch. Says she needs it, craves it.

Where was that that when I was there?

Stove M, my marriage to my ex uBPD/NPD of the same tenure was much the same,  in every way you state.  I couldn't make it work no matter how much I tried. And. I tried for 20 years. I left as well and understand the feeling of loneliness in a marriage as such.

Although I admit loneliness is hard moving forward, it's far better for me to be "alone" rather than being immensely alone in a marriage.

I applaud and admire your efforts to stay the course in returning and, although I have no answer as to "why now?", perhaps looking forward and not backward is a better course. And I am sending immense support 

The thought of my exh touching me hits my gag reflex. When I was with him, the anxiety of being in a room, alone with him, was incredible.

He made my skin crawl; especially after I found out 'the truth'... .but even the years before that; "my gut" knew something was wrong, because of the extreme adverse physical and emotional reactions I would have if he touched me... .

I really withdrew from EVERYONE (except my kids) when it came to physical contact.

25 years of abuse will do that.

Today?

I LOVE to give hugs.

I look forward to "spooning" with someone other than my dogs!

I have Faith that there IS someone that IS real, healthy, and right. And for me!

I just have to get ME healthy and right first!

|iiii

  |iiii

Part of the counseling I had was they offered what was called , healing touch massage . I declined it each time.  I have issues with touch even when someone puts their hand on me for a second , my reflexes jump.  But I have a male acquaintance friend, who , couple years ago gave me some hugs here and there as I was going though rough times ( besides divorce) and it felt so good, so safe.  Maybe because it was from the heart genuine touch vs the sick touch from x2bh.

I m taking a yoga class , that at the end of class , and meditation, the teacher massages our forhead for 30 sec. I want to tell her to just skip me. But I force myself to challenge myself to practice human touch.

It it so relaxing, it does feel good , yet it is difficult to accept.  Is it an anorexic to human connection? Is it that I can be in control by declining it? Is it just safer and easier to not accept touch , don't worry about it? Or , as talked about in the book, Darling Greatly,  I feel I don't deserve joy.