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My BPD ex is doing so many self destructive things, its hurting me. I feel like i have to save her. We had broken up 3 weeks ago and shes had unprotected sex with 2 complete strangers. That feels like betrayal and like she needs somebody and I cant get it to stop bothering me. on top of that shes now an alcoholic, narcotic addict, bulemic, and cutting and I told her family but im having trouble just sitting here and not wanting to do something. My anxiety is building... .

If you have informed her family then you have done your part.

I'm willing to bet you had very good reasons for leaving. We all can struggle with the guilt but you going in and rescuing or taking her back is not going to make things better,  at best it'll just calm her down for a short time.

Think about yourself. How do you even know this stuff is going on? It's not your responsibility.

These are choices brother... .If she's doing it to get you to notice, then it could only get worse... But when they're in that "I don't give a F*" mindset you've got no play.

Personally as mine is involved with some shady dude who by all accounts from what I've heard wants nothing to do with her really... .Then its best to let the chips fall where they may and re-evaluate later if she gives you that chance.

I don't know who dumped who, but if its like mine where she's completely turned you black no words or action can help.

The sex is a form of trying to hook the new/future partner. Its not some love scene in a romance movie, its simply a tool that is especially good at sucking someone in. View it as such and try to remove that guilt/picture from your head.

Inferno and DangIthurts are completely right.

She on a path of self destruction. Its her journey in the human experience. This allows free will disordered or not. You cant change anothers actions only influence their behaviors...

With that though if shes splitting you nothing you say or do will influence any of this positively. More than likely youre a trigger for her atm. Shes dealing with alot of shame and guilt due to her behaviors already. You getting involved is only going to increase that 10x fold.

Honestly even if she does let you "rescue" her how is that helping her in anyway? The short answer is its not. Youre just enabling her behavior causing her to think that there is nothing wrong with what she did. Therefore shell see no need to change her behaviors.

If you really wanna help her step back and let her hit rock bottom. From my own personal experience being an NPD myself its the only way ive started changing. Its has to come from within. She has to want it.

As always, your choice to get tooled all over again if you feel the need. If it was me, well, not my circus, not my monkeys.

Borderlines are survivors, they always get by somehow, even in the face of extreme chaos, chaos I personally couldn't handle and it amazes me, then again I haven't had a lifetime of practice.


Best to focus on the fact that she will survive, somehow, some way, and while you're at it, focus on why you feel like you have to save her; there's plenty of growth in the answers to that, and maybe it goes beyond being a chivalrous man?  You probably don't want to hear that right now, but it's really the only option, now that you've gotten off the roller coaster, and you're shifting the focus from her to you.  Take care of you!