BPDFamily.com

Background: I have no idea if my exGF is actually BPD, but she seems like it, so I wanted your opinions on her behavior during the breakups. I've always loved her like crazy and tried my best to be a caretaker, while I never really got anything in return emotionally.

Together for 2 years, but the past year she's always wanted to breakup over every little thing. This past summer we had a very nasty breakup that I thought was final, also initiated by her, in which she even jumped into a sexual relationship with someone new right away. 2 months after that she comes back again, says she loves me and asks for forgiveness, and wants to pretend like nothing happened.

I take her back, but she dumps me again out of the blue earlier this month. I've never dumped her, or even threatened to, and have always shown my complete commitment towards her and the relationship.

Breakup Behavior: Contradictions galore! And somehow she's always the victim! The more I try to comfort her, the more she hurts me.

Everything seems to be always about her, and whenever I express my feelings towards her behavior, she turns it around on me and says I'm abusing her and she's always on the defensive.

Also, whenever she has broken up with me she has said it is because I don't give her enough attention, or show enough love, or because she feels lonely and depressed, or I make her feel angry and defensive, or I make her miserable, or I am too smothering, or I demand too much.

As I try to comfort her and tell her I will fix things, she pushes me further away, as she gets angrier and more annoyed, hating and repulsed by my presence or any form of communication from me.



She often switches into victim mode... .she says things like:

"I just want it to be you and me... ", "I'm lonely... .", "I want to be single for once... .", "I'm scared and worried... .", "I have trust issues among other things... .", "I'm crazy... .", "I just want someone to do things with me... .", "I just want to be left alone... .", "I'm not ready for this... .", "It's too big of a mess... .", "Can you stay with me tonight... .?", "You don't love me ... .", "I don't love you... .", "What do I have to do to make you hate me?"... ., "I hate (everything she usually adores) about you... .", "I want to do whatever I want... .", "I'm mentally not there anymore to continue... .", "I don't know what's wrong with me, I can't help how I feel... .", "You smother me... .", "You never gave me enough attention... .", "Why didn't you do this before I broke up with you (2 days ago/2 weeks ago/ etc).?"


And now she's gone again... .just like that, just when I was hopeful things were working out.

I actually told her she might be BPD this time, and she later said that when she went and read how it sounded similar to her, she just got angrier and angrier while reading about it. =/

It does indeed sound like it, but they are all different. Mine didnt cheat, but was THE victim in everything. Have you read any of the material on the site?

Sounds EXACTLY like my ex! In fact it sounds that much like her, i'm thinking maybe it is her! lol

Kept coming back, each time for a shorter and shorter period. More and more of her "secrets" and darkside was revealed each time too, until it was almost like i was with a different person.

Are you looking to get back with her or are you now finished for good? 

To tell you the truth I don't know. I feel like I don't have much control simply because I actually love her.

If I didn't love her, then I'd be done for good, because there is no reason to be dealing with this nonsense.

The main problem is that she has no way of communicating her problems or feelings, but anything negative she feels is always my fault, and she will only communicate it via breakups that make matters worse and worse. Worse yet, her "needs" and "feelings" constantly contradict each other so it seems like there is no way to "fix" things with her.

She also doesn't even try to understand her feelings or how to fix them. She just feels them very strongly and impulsively acts on them, particularly with negative feelings that she always associates with me.

This sounds exactly like the BPDgf i dated.  7 months together and then it all ended due to her erratic and aggressive behavior. 

You will have to decide one of 2 things:  try to stay and work the relationship out or leave and shut the door for good.

Had i known and understood about BPD while i was dating my gf i most likely would have been better informed on what to do and how to handle her.  I would have made an effort to try and make things work.  But only if i could control the situation and not be abused or run all over.  It takes a special kind of person to be able to handle this kind of disorder.