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My ex and I finally ended it on her choosing a few months back. I had reached a point where I blew up and yelled and screamed at her after 4 years of constant ups and downs and her wanting to move out and back in, and she says she can never forgive that day. We had broken up several times in the past and gotten back together relatively quickly, her ex before me went through the same treatment of multiple break ups and reconciliations. The longest at the time had been a week. Now it's going on over 3 months. I had been receiving the silent treatment up until yesterday when I found out she claims she's doing much better. She says she's finally learning to like herself and be comfortable with being alone, but now she's smoking weed all the time as well.  My biggest questions, is she really recovering, or will she fall back to hating herself, being depressed, wanting to kill herself and all that, and if she does fall back to that, what are the odds she'll try to come back to me? I know I shouldn't be with her for my sake but I dont know if I could say no.

Thank you!

 *welcome*

Hi Kreo,

I would like to welcome you. It's frustrating, confusing and stressful being on an emotional rollercoaster because of the constant w and downs of these types of relationships. Live doesn't cure or fix the disorder. It could be she returned to her emotional baseline of happiness. Another possibility is that she's putting her fellers out. I'm sorry to hear you feel confused and that you may not have the strength to not go back.

Are you keeping in touch with each other?

Is she In therapy?

If no then no she's not getting better

Personality disorders don't just go away

 

Hey Kreo,

First off im going to address if shes smoking weed alot now then shes not getting better. All shes doing is self medicating. Its what my ex did everyday we lived together. Need to go to the store smoke a bowl, need to go home from the store smoke a bowl, wanna go get lunch honey smoke some more. My point is shes improperly coping using a crutch if you will. And trust me one of two things will happen. 1. She will run out and withdraw to which her BPD symptoms will comeback tenfold and its utterly terrifying. 2. She will build up a tolerance and again the symptoms will start showing up again. Ive witnessed both. Regardless shell still act up when high it will just be kinda well less intense and she might give up a little easier/not be as argumentative. But due to 1. and 2. It proves to me to be in no way a cure or cause any long term lasting change. Trust me i lived it.

Secondly if shes acting nice this is just a ploy to reel you back in if not in therapy. Mine had been doing this after her first cold then distant period of LC. Then all of sudden for the last 3 months shes all smiles and laughs. But this is sadly all an act or in another light unsustainable emotions. It never lasts and the only reason she can control it is because shes texting you so she can present whatever image she wants you to see. Mine has also showed me though how unhappy she is and used me as an emotional tampon as things progressed even the niceness seemed insincere. All the emotional investment was one sided. And the thing that shows me nothings changed is shed just not respond or basically lead me on then ignore later any attempts to hang out. So ive been NC 2 weeks and i finally saw the other sides the demanding and selfish.

Its not gone its just hidden from plain sight. Give it time youll see.