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Title: Why i can't give her friendship? Post by: ghoststory on December 05, 2014, 05:03:58 PM my BPD friend and co worker ,I didn't pursue romance in the white stage I knew it would be a train wreck, but I always remind her I'm her friend and though I go through the splitting and obvious hidden resentment for whatever it is? I still care and after an extreme black phase I am keeping a bit of distance ,and don't see the harm in letting her know she has a friend out there I know she doesn't mean harm , and after being deleted from fb and we only see each other a couple times a week at work ,i don't see why i can't give her friendship though some think only more bad will come ,,maybe my heart bleeds to much?
Title: Re: Why i can't give her friendship? Post by: bruised on December 05, 2014, 09:16:07 PM maybe my heart bleeds to much? It sounds like she's more than a friend ghost. A couple of questions: - Why did she split you "extreme black"? - Do you think a friendship with her will enrich your life, or diminish it? - Do you want a friend who resents you? - Should a friendship be this difficult? I've been in a similar situation. I just don't think it can work. I'm sorry man. Title: Re: Why i can't give her friendship? Post by: ghoststory on December 06, 2014, 03:43:26 AM very fair questions ,and not more than a friendship however it seems we went through the same phases as if it was ,I was split black over a disagreement like we have had before on several occasions only this one resulted in me being black that indicates to me resentment was building though it is denied ... .and no I don't feel my life is enriched or will be ,, I am just saying I see no harm keeping the peace staying away as much as possible and letting her still consider me a friend as since we have little contact anyway I can fade away as opposed to anymore productions she gets plenty of male attention so mine missing wont matter I feel so and no romance means no recycle not sure but I only really hear that is only common in romantic situations ,,not saying I want to be in her life just want to be passive enough for her to go with no hard feelings ,and on a positive note and makes work easier , but and I mean this sincerely ,am I overlooking something ? being to optimistic? as I do value your opinion and any advice.
Title: Re: Why i can't give her friendship? Post by: Skip on December 06, 2014, 04:12:40 AM I am just saying I see no harm keeping the peace staying away as much as possible and letting her still consider me a friend as since we have little contact anyway I can fade away as opposed to anymore productions This makes a lot of sense. Your not really being friends in the sense of pals hanging out together - your just letting the relationship die without animosity and the anxiety it brings. For this to work so that you don't get all twisted is that you can't have any expectations of her or said another way, when she shifts directions for whatever reason, you can't take it personally. Can you do that? Title: Re: Why i can't give her friendship? Post by: ghoststory on December 06, 2014, 04:58:13 AM thank you Skip and yes that is not a problem as I always encourage her to pursue the things she talks about ,men new jobs, all things that don't involve me as knowing my friends are happy makes me happy ,, I know we are not suppose to blame ourselves for their behavior but I cant help thinking hours before being painted black she told me she may be leaving for a better job and I meaning it in a positive way said " well happy to see you go " and got the response of a bitter sounding "I know you are" looking back I can't help but think I hit a trigger and got the I'll get rid of you first response , so just grateful that peace has been restored in hopes of my plan on a positive ending can take course ,so no I won't take it personally and do thank you for your response
Title: Re: Why i can't give her friendship? Post by: Skip on December 06, 2014, 05:03:38 AM looking back I can't help but think I hit a trigger and got the I'll get rid of you first response , so just grateful that peace has been restored in hopes of my plan on a positive ending can take course ,so no I won't take it personally and do thank you for your response Was it this impulse or was there something more significant that had been brewing? Title: Re: Why i can't give her friendship? Post by: ghoststory on December 06, 2014, 05:35:09 AM in honesty I always had the feeling of resentment for the me pulling back in the white phase ,cryptic facebook post on her behalf so forth , but we work together and there is an age difference I am 16 years older and chalked it up to a cute crush that would go away and the contact got less and less so I figured good everything is normal but treated her like a true friend ,,she did tell me about broken home issues and trouble in maintaining normal relationships so she opened her soul to me , I didn't realize she was probably BPD until the very confusing black stage started and went online to find answers (as I found this site) so most likely the feelings of rejection and the fact she opened up to me also play a huge role we never really got along for two years and the minute we started to the white phase started so the please don't hate me and now I know you don't chaos will follow thing happened to ... .or maybe I overthink to much haha
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