BPDFamily.com

I broke it off with my now ex BPD gf over a month ago now and am blacker than black !

I got a call from her about a week or so back saying it was all my fault and bla bla and was never to contact her again . I thought she had got most of the angry out of her by now I had 2 weeks of name calling ,shouting , threats , silent treatment , mind games etc . Anyway I remained N/C after she told me on the phone never to contact her again . I heard nothing from her up till Sunday but

In the past few days she has turned from insults etc to one or two word texts . I got one this morning that reads - can you call sky the internet is slow I need it done this week !

I replied with here is ther number you call them .4 hours later I got another that said - WELL ? Like she has dismissed my reply and is still trying to get me to do it .

We had sky tv and Internet at the house that's in my name but if Thers any problems with it she can call them no problems . I can't beleive she is still trying to control me ! And she has a replacement ! Lol ! What do you guys think is it just a way of control or just a way of contact for her ? I'm hoping if I carry on ignoring her anger she will project it on to her new bf lol .

I'm not effected in anyway by her texting me I don't feel hurt etc because I've excepted the fact she is crazy and never loved me to start with im just interested what you guys think is she likely to get more angry if I ignore her ? Or will she give up ?

I think they expect us to react and comeback crawling to them. My exBPDbf sent me an  email demanding me to call him and explain to him pretty much why I changed my number and when I call it better not be blocked and I need to call him that day or never. Then his 2nd,3rd, and 4th personality kicked in telling me I'm worthless and altought I need to call and explain myself and my so called make belief lies, he still doesn't trust me and will not be my friend or get back with me. Then he shows up to my church (BTW he is a different religion). When I tried to call him a week ago blocked he said the most cruel things to me so who in their right mind wants to deal with that. I wouldn't respond to her if she text again. I feel sorry for the next guy.

Havent heard from or seen her in 4 months. And Im enjoying the hell out of that!

Do they stop?  Sure.  It just depends on how willing you are to kiss her behind (that's a joke, though semi-serious).

Here's an analogy my T used:  You are a boat, and she is a barnacle.  She wants to make sure she is stuck on your hull, permanently, and that there is no room for anybody else.

What's happening is that your retreat has both triggered her abandonment fears and triggered her shame.  So, what is she going to do?  Act like a child and lash out at you... .and blame you, so that she can both avoid her own sense of shame and blame and try to provoke you into reacting to her and joining her again in her toxic dance.  She wants her dance partner back!  


Interesting way to put it.  For a person with BPD, those two are one in the same.  Having contact with you means trying to control you.  That is how they relate and handle emotional closeness (if you can call that handling it).

Eventually, things will probably die down.  But then something could trigger her and she'll be back in your face, again.  Hard to say.  But will it be like this FOREVER?  No, it won't.

No matter what happens, you are better off being OUT of the dance with her.  So that means you avoid engagement, avoid contact.  She can throw her fits.  She can then try to make it business-like, as though nothing happened, and ask you about the cable (hahaha, seriously?).  And she can try to be super-sweet and try to hook you in with the "good ol' days".  In the end, she is doing this because she cannot cope with the idea that you're taking your life back and leaving her.  It doesn't matter that she has a new guy.  My ex has a boyfriend and she still has a guy that pines away after her and lives in his car.  She says he's annoying, but deep down I know she loves it.  It feeds them.

I'm in a period where I am painted white, again, by my ex.  She'll text me little funny meme's here and there and try to exchange cute, funny banter.  It's better than her text-rants and smear campaigns, but in the end... .it's just her putting feelers out there to see if I still care.  I do care in a sense, and I don't care if anyone knows (including her), but its not the same kind of care as it was.  And I know the calm won't last, which is why I am determined to do nothing different and just live my life without regard for the next tantrum.

No, I don't think they ever stop being angry.  They can learn to manage the fall.out and what they do with the anger. It's like a war veteran when they hear a gunshot. They hit the ground instinctively.  Same with BPD's. The fight flight mechanism is built in. Just my opinion

The first question you need to ask yourself is why are you concerned with her being angry?  Most likely she is contacting you because she wants to keep her attachment to you. The attachment/control is almost interchangeable with pwBPD.  In my opinion, she will not project her anger towards the replacement.  As you stated, she is projecting it on you.  The common theme amongst pwBPD the devaluation eventually ends.  Eventually, depending on the circumstances, they start to idealize you again.  From what you wrote, it appears that you do not want anything to do with her. If that is the case, the best solution is to remain NC and ignore her texts.    

Thanks for your input and advise guys Thers no way I'd of made it this far and got this strong without this forum.

On Sunday amongst all the verbal she was launching at me via text message she was saying her and her Xmas is now f****d me and my kids will have to go without ! You have ruined everything !

This did make laugh . She was the one that instigated a break before as she was the one who sabotaged it by starting a massive argument a day into the Break she was the one who was setting up my replacement at the same time . So I ended it but then she takes no blame to all of the above like it never happend she is sick ! I think what that text really ment and translates is

My Xmas is now F****d me and my kids will have to go without ! I have ruined everything !

I'm not really concerned that she is angry at me I suppose I just think along the lines of everything she has told me since the break up and if they were all true then she wouldn't be botherd being angry at me or even try to contact me here's the things she said after break up

She stopped loving me ages ago .

She hates me now

I never want to see you or hear from you again

You are not the same person I met 5 years ago I don't like the person you are now

You have destroyed me

You have ruined everything because you are selfish

I would agree with this Moselle.

It sounds like she is projecting. In her mind, the things she said may be true. I believe that the anger inside a lot of pwBPD does not dissipate. My pwBPD suppresses his anger quite a bit and when he can't handle it anymore, he projects. Throughout the time I have known him, he has said a couple of those things verbatim. In my opinion, contacting you does not mean she is not angry.  I do believe it is more of a control/attachment issue.