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Title: Failed again with NC... Why are they so addicting Post by: whythisgirl on December 09, 2014, 07:39:53 PM It's been a week since breaking up with my uBPDxbf and I have been feeling really down. I can't concentrate at work because I feel so sad about how things ended. This evening I sent him a text wishing him good luck on his exam. He responded with a Thank you and who is this? I responded back with my name and he hasn't responded back. I made a huge mistake because I changed my number so he purposely could not contact me. I don't know why I care so much when he's verbally abusive and controlling. To be honest I don't want to get back with him I just want to end it on good terms. I am anticipating either no response at all or a rude response. What's the best way to get through this NC approach?
Title: Re: Failed again with NC... Why are they so addicting Post by: fromheeltoheal on December 09, 2014, 07:53:45 PM Excerpt I don't want to get back with him I just want to end it on good terms. You will hear from many people here including me that you won't get the closure you're looking for from him. The main reason is you were once the soother to his emotions, something external to himself he was using to feel better when he got triggered, because he can't do it himself, and at some point you became the trigger. Which has nothing to do with you, it's just the cycle of the disorder. The good news is you get to find a way to give yourself closure, which you will, and it will be more powerful that way; something to look forward to as you detach. Excerpt What's the best way to get through this NC approach? Get pissed off. We have mixed emotions in these relationships, since if it was all bad we would have walked away right away and this site wouldn't be necessary. What helped me the most was to make a list of all the sht she pulled that was completely unacceptable, but lost in it I tolerated it anyway, and the list grew as the fog cleared and I got my feet on the ground a little. I'd read it as many times as necessary and fully associate to how each entry made me feel, get good and hurt and then good and pissed off, and then I wanted nothing to do with her, which is as it should be. It's just a focus shift, accentuating the bad, but I didn't need to exaggerate it, it really happened. Detachment is tough but try that; anger can be your friend right now. Take care of you! Title: Re: Failed again with NC... Why are they so addicting Post by: whythisgirl on December 09, 2014, 08:19:01 PM fromheeltoheal- thanks! I definitely has some built up anger in me and I do have a list of all the false accusations and hurtful statements he has sent my way. I will continue to read this list so I can move forward with my life.
Title: Re: Failed again with NC... Why are they so addicting Post by: fromheeltoheal on December 09, 2014, 08:20:24 PM fromheeltoheal- thanks! I definitely has some built up anger in me and I do have a list of all the false accusations and hurtful statements he has sent my way. I will continue to read this list so I can move forward with my life. Good for you, and add to it as you go. Anger is a phase that will pass, but it's useful in the beginning when we need that extra push to stay away. Title: Re: Failed again with NC... Why are they so addicting Post by: Left broken and confused on December 09, 2014, 08:49:38 PM Hi WTG,
If it has only been a week since your break up your being way too hard on yourself. Alot of us are months out of our relationship and struggle every day with NC. I myself am guilty of that. Title: Re: Failed again with NC... Why are they so addicting Post by: evilpepsi on December 10, 2014, 01:50:16 AM I don't want to get back with him I just want to end it on good terms. You will hear from many people here including me that you won't get the closure you're looking for from him. The main reason is you were once the soother to his emotions, something external to himself he was using to feel better when he got triggered, because he can't do it himself, and at some point you became the trigger. Which has nothing to do with you, it's just the cycle of the disorder. The good news is you get to find a way to give yourself closure, which you will, and it will be more powerful that way; something to look forward to as you detach. What's the best way to get through this NC approach? anger DOES work! Get pissed off. We have mixed emotions in these relationships, since if it was all bad we would have walked away right away and this site wouldn't be necessary. What helped me the most was to make a list of all the sht she pulled that was completely unacceptable, but lost in it I tolerated it anyway, and the list grew as the fog cleared and I got my feet on the ground a little. I'd read it as many times as necessary and fully associate to how each entry made me feel, get good and hurt and then good and pissed off, and then I wanted nothing to do with her, which is as it should be. It's just a focus shift, accentuating the bad, but I didn't need to exaggerate it, it really happened. Detachment is tough but try that; anger can be your friend right now. Take care of you! |