BPDFamily.com

She defriended me on Facebook, but we're both members of a few FB groups.  Yesterday, I had posted a question in one of them, and today she posted some helpful advice in my thread.  About an hour later she deleted the comment. 

I wonder if she is starting to paint me white... .

I know it's easy for me to say this, but if you're holding out for hope you're going to torture yourself. Someone recently wrote that our being emotionally invested in a borderline is to be held prisoner by their mental illness.

In addition to us going NC, I think we must go NV! (No Viewing) Checking up on them via Facebook can be an excruciating exercise in self-torture. DON'T DO IT!

That's one of the best things I've ever read on here. So obvious that I'm surprised the term NV hasn't been made official.

Mr Hollande, I have personal experience with the horrific emotional consequences of "viewing".

That is why I realize that NC is not enough; we must FORCE ourselves to go "NV" -- No Viewing -- under ANY circumstances!

Please, spread the use of the term "NV" (No Viewing). I believe NV is absolutely crucial to us getting over them and moving on.

If we continuously "view" them (especially late at night and/or during the holiday season), we will continuously visually reinforce the anchor of pain within ourselves.

Go NV! (No Viewing)

Go NV, now!

(Btw, phonetically pronounce "NV". Then you'll realize the emotion you'll be continuously firing off within yourself.)

I know you're being serious and I think NV a great advice, but you guys are also cracking me up with the "self torture" and "horrific emotional consequences".  Sometimes what makes things funny is that they are so true. It really is making things worse for yourself when you make a point to see what they're up to! Especially since many times pw/BPD will post things (whether they're true or not) just to get to you.

I unfriended my ex so I couldnt see his page even if I wanted to. I also stopped tagging mutual friends in posts or posting on their wall. I don't want him in any of my business... .seeing anything I post or any pictures. And I'm not going to the extent of asking everyone to unfriend him... .All of our mutual friends are my friends or family (he doesn't have friends, and very little family) I figure they can do that if they choose to. Anyways I highly suggest unfriending them or even blocking if they're making their posts public and posting things that hurt you to see, especially if the things are aimed at you.

Clever, WM. What do you think it is envy of?

I do agree. I not only unfriended, I blocked mine while she was still living with me.

It's not really "envy", per se; it's just a convenient phrase to encapsulate all the negative, painful emotions that Facebook "viewing" can very easily cause -- especially if the wounds are still fresh! It's the emotional eqivilant of continuously tearing open a painful wound.

"Envy" just happens to be the phonetic pronunciation of the letters "N" and "V". It's just a metaphor for how emotionally toxic Facebook "viewing" a BPDex can be.