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My exBPDbf and I always said we were very "connected" -- which makes sense in an enmeshed BPD r/s.   I know that this weird sense of connection is part of what has kept me attached to him. I've been trying to parse through it for myself.

With distance, I have a better logical understanding of it as far as the relationship itself... .the enmeshment, mirroring, addiction, etc. But here's something odd that's been happening since the breakup 9 months ago.

I keep journals, including dream journals. Not surprisingly, I dream about my ex sometimes, although much less now than in the first couple of months. But I have found a pattern. Whenever I've had a certain type of dream about my exbf -- a "moving on" dream, as I've come to think of them, with symbolism like us packing up boxes and leaving each other -- without fail, he has contacted me within 2 days of such dreams. Every time.

My interpretation is that, just as I'm reaching the point where he's "moving out" of my head, he pops up to reset the clock. It's like somehow he knows when this is happening. No, I don't think he's psychic or my one true soulmate, but I do think he knows me well enough to guess with remarkable accuracy.

It's unsettling, honestly.

He told me once, "You studied me just as much as I studied you." And it's true. We learned each other well, given the obstacles we had. Plus, his survival skills include intense observation, pinpointing weaknesses, and a general understanding of human nature (albeit a usually negative one), so he's really good at this.

I guess it just makes me feel a bit raw and vulnerable. I understand a little of the pain he must feel about vulnerability. Feeling so laid open and bare, and not being sure of the other person's intentions or feelings, is not a fun place to be. Whether or not I talk to him when he contacts doesn't make a difference in how I feel -- just seeing him reach out right as I'm getting to that next place is what does it for me. Just feeling like he somehow knows.

Has anyone else struggled with this feeling of "connectedness" with an exBPD?

It is really common to feel this way. And it's perfectly natural. If you are still in regular contact with your ex, yeah, it's really understandable that he's picking up on the cues you're giving about your emotional state. We all do that on some level, and I think people that are as driven by emotion as pwBPD can be even more sensitive to those cues than normal. I don't know that they always read them correctly, but I think they are hyper-sensitive to them.

Now, if you NC or really LC, I think it can have to do with the subconscious workings of our brains. I think in a lot of circumstances, it's a trick of the mind. How many times have you had a dream and not remembered it ten minutes after you wake up? How many times has he contacted you without you having a dream first? The human mind has a wonderful ability to make connections between two unrelated events. Our brains are literally hardwired to recognize patterns, even when they aren't actually there (Sidenote: This is actually one of the theories behind compulsive gambling).

Whether it was positive or negative, you had a really powerful emotional connection to your ex. Connections like that don't just disappear overnight (or at least they don't in a normal person). And I really do believe it's part of human behavior to instinctually seek out familiar connections, usually without us even being aware we are doing it (Another sidenote: that's part of why many of us keep ending up in the same unhealthy relationships without intentionally seeking them out). So when something happens, you're predisposed towards processing it in terms of an already existing connection (I really hope that makes sense, as I'm a bit under the weather and words aren't really making a lot of sense to me).

If you're not really in contact with your ex, I would suspect that you're still on some level dealing with some of that residual connection you have with your ex. Give it time. Sometimes it takes our subconscious longer to catch up to our conscious mind. I'd bet that as the more you heal, the less you're going to see these patterns with your ex.

I have heard a lot about BPD's having intuition. 

I agree 100%. pwBPD are very sensitive to emotional cues, although like you noted, they don't always read them correctly. When my ex and I were together, it astounded me how sensitive he was to such things.


I really did need to hear this. Thank you. I think I'm definitely struggling with some confirmation bias here.  :) We are in LC, and have only talked about 5 times since the breakup, with typically around 2 months in between each contact (initiated by him).


You make perfect sense. And I hope that you feel better soon! I'm struggling with a winter cold/sinus issues right now myself, so I definitely understand.

You're right. I can't expect a connection like that to just disappear once the r/s has ended, but it's also not realistic to assign additional meaning to it.


I definitely think my subconscious is running to catch up.   This is typically how I process things... .eventually it all comes together... .but I forget that sometimes, and get confused by myself.  lol

I feel indescribably healthier and better since the breakup. Sometimes it's important to remember that it all happens on its own schedule.  :)

Mine always talked about an "aura" or "energy" she had.  Not sure if it's the same sort of connection thing you are talking about but I see some similarities.  Her mother had this "power" as well.  They both believed it fully (her mother is diagnosed bipolar/BPD).  They are both very intuitive.  They professed that they could read people very well.  Sense things others couldn't.  Street lights would go out when walking by at night.  That last bit did happen, quite often actually.  I just put it to coincidence or something with the light.  They believed it to be an effect of their energy.  

 

A few posters here myself included have said that yhey get a feeling the ex is going to do something and then they do. I used to have a feeling she was going to reach out and within a few hours or even minutes I would either have a message about something trivial or she would post on face book something about or a picture of our son. She would also post profile picture changes. It statted freaking my friends out at work with how accurate it was.

weird stuff.

I definitely believe they have a sixth sense.  It's uncanny the amount of times my friend has literally read my mind.

I remember a time when her and I were in a meeting at work with a couple of other colleagues - a discussion started up about bringing another person into our team.  Her and I just looked at each other, shook our head and said, "yeah... .maybe... .no".  We both knew exactly who we were thinking about yet there was no need to say the persons name.  It was like we were talking our very own language in our own bubble.  Suffice to say... .our colleagues turned a shade of white lol

I have quite a few spiritual moments seeing spirits, etc, and have strong intuition, but I have never experienced anything quite like that before.  It truly was freaky! 

My ex use to say "I can read you, I know you better than anyone else." He was right. He studied me so he usually knew my next move. Strange.