BPDFamily.com

Still processing everything and it seems like each day I remember something else that at the time, struck me as odd, but I always explained it away.  Did any of your exBPDs have disturbing or concerning views on dying young/prematurely?  Mine did.  As recently as 2-3 months ago, she mentioned that she didn't think she'd make it to 30.  She often said she couldn't really imagine herself aging or what it would be like to be significantly older than she is now.  Car accident, cancer, you name it, all of this from a physically healthy 26 year old.  I'm guessing this plays into her need for validation or reassurance from me.  I'm going to go ahead and assume that this isn't normal behavior.  I certainly don't think I'll be dead by 30.  Or 40. or 50, 60, or even 70.  No reason to think otherwise.

My pwBPD said something similar about dying at a young age/prematurely.  He even took a life insurance policy out when he was 23. I think his fixation on dying young had to do with his inner turmoil of feeling like a "burden, evil, or a bad person." 

My ex thought the same thing , she always said I am going to die young , it might have something to do of being scared of getting old and can seduce her way of survival perhaps ?

Could be I want to die before I get old and no one would want me anymore ?

Yer mine was the same when moments of massive stress came out she would slide Down the cupboard door and onto the kitchen floor  crying saying I dont want to be here anymore ! And the other one was I don't want to die alone ! Why does everyone leave me ! She's 30

Yes my wife is like that!  This past summer she said she feels she is going to die by the age of 40 (She's 37).  She told me it will be something awful and that she doesn't want to age.  It was at that point I looked at her internet history to find out she was reading up on suicide.  Got her into therapy but she quit after a few sessions.  The psychologist told me she needs years of therapy.

Now when she gets sick she looks up online for hours and thinks she has some awful disease.  Recently she's been scratching her skin to where it bleeds.  She's been to numerous doctors who cannot seem to find what the issue is.  I believe it's mental.  When I mention to her that maybe it's stress, her reply is 'It's probably because of you'.  So it's my fault she has this... Ugh.

Living with a BPD is just beyond draining...

Thissss. I wonder what the BPDx will do when she can't just spread her legs out anymore to trap the next victim. That day is fast approaching as she does not look very well for someone in their late 20s. I guess the stress of having 5 kids and dealing with all the drama she makes for herself has taken a toll on her appearance. Father time will not be any kinder.

I think that is why they want to die young they are worried that getting old will loose ther looks and finding replacements is gona be harder ! Downgrade to downgrade !

I'm not so sure it's a necessarily BPD thing, and not a result of depression. I used to feel the same way, and while I certainly have had my issues, I didn't have a PD. When I was 20, I really did think I wouldn't make it to 30. I felt was living a rather high risk life style, so the odds were pretty good I wouldn't make it to my third decade. At the time I didn't really think anything was all that wrong with me, but in retrospect I was much more depressed than I realized. I wasn't actively suicidal, I just felt I didn't really have a reason to care that much about living. I wasn't really happy and I think I just didn't really see much of a point to life in the long term. All that really mattered to me was what was immediately going on in my life. And for all the partying, and good times I had, my life felt empty. Living past 30 seemed like way too much to deal with.

My exBPDbf often expressed amazement that he'd made it to 40, because he never expected to.

Of course, he abused the hell out of himself in his younger days, so I'm a little surprised he came through it in such good shape, myself.  


I can see this with my ex, too. And I can't even imagine that emotional chaos.


Trap and victim imply that the men who enter into relationships with her somehow can't make their own decisions. There are reasons that people become and stay involved with disordered people... .sex is only one of many.

Older and/or less-attractive people can still certainly use sex as a "weapon," so to speak. But even if a pwBPD who relies strongly on their sexual "value" starts to lose that, I would imagine they would adapt. There are plenty of other needs and roles to fulfill. And, truth be told, they haven't survived on sex appeal alone thus far. For their emotional survival, they have to attach, so they will find what works.

There was certainly an intense preoccupation with death for my uBPDw. Early gifts from her were The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying and Tuesdays with Morrie which are inspirational stories and came at a time when her pet dog had died which she took very badly, days off work and depression. This was followed by a strong commitment to the Samaritans which dominated her free time. All virtuous and inspirational but when put in the context of her other behaviors and needs for the high drama, control and her own admission of having suicidal feelings, it was worrying and something of an addiction to be near or even to confront death, perhaps.