BPDFamily.com

I've never looked into this until last night. It kinda scares me a little because I seem to match the symptoms to a T. I've always felt a little different, and I knew the way I reacted to the end of relationships wasn't normal. I also had a normal relationship for 2 years prior to pwBPD that I self sabotaged a lot and could never figure out why. I'm realizing this coupled with her illness is what created a lot of the push/pull and "special connection" that we both claimed we felt. It's a bit nervous making as I kinda figured something was up due to my unstable father while growing up. Also I pretty much consider myself an alpha male, so admitting that something is wrong with me is a bit scary. Anyway, are there any other co dependents out there with some resources? I'm ready to clamp down and figure out what I need to do set myself free of my own destructive traits.

I feel the same towards codependency , I think I have a mild case of it , I don't seek people to make my esteem better ,

I really don't need that , but sometimes I wonder why I got sucked in my ex relation I think we start thinking of many things to ask our selves why ?

I think it's deeper than anything you can imagine , in my opinion , they have the magic to sucks in , it's not your usual love story , don't fool yourself you are just fine . They a great have a great power of seducing us . That's why its hard to let go .

Well, for me, that was the first clue that I may not be codependent at all but a vulnerable narcissist. An eleveted view of myself, strong and independent, easily shutting out people of my life, the feeling that I'm about to do great achievments, a self-ascribed alpha male with strong boundaries and the ability to attract women, just like my BPD ex do had the skillset to attract suitable white knights. That was the facade I managed to keep up for long. Deep down, still vulnerable, unsecure, fear of being abandoned, rejected. Staggering into a beautiful woman in despair taking me to the pedestal for sorting out her low, even non-functional life was the ultimate narcissistic supply. She loved that I had a strong opinion about her and how to lead her life. It made her feel safe. From that on my self-worth was actually based on her reactions, the so-called unhealthy fusion of psyches, eventually, when the fantasy inevitably failed(I became the punitive parent), we both went into our own crisis mode. I ended up in a textbook narcissistic withdrawal, she was cheating, and actively finding a replacement to replay the broken fantasy and regain the lost security.

Small point - codependency is a condition.  There may or may not be more seriously underlying matters.


You probably not alone with this.  Self-awareness is a start.   |iiii

Honestly, I think if you took a poll of those of us recovering from a BPD relationship a great deal of us would fit the codependent criteria. I know I sure do, though i'm an alpha nothing. But the fact that I spent years changing my own self and life to fit around my uBPDh's behaviors showed me just how far into it i'd fallen. I mean, there's being respectful and kind to others and then there's modifying EVERYthing including friendships to fit into what was acceptable to him--so I guess it's an issue of how extremely we modify.

From the article here on Codependency https://bpdfamily.com/content/codependency-codependent-relationships


That was my job as the codependent in my relationship, I changed so much about who I essentially am to keep him happy.

It's not the worst thing we'll ever do, and when we learn from it the growth is amazing!