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Today is my exBPDbf's birthday and I have been ok most of the day even saw a post on fb from my replacement which said happy birthday babe. I hope this is your best birthday yet... love you and it bothered me to see him respond love you too babe. That is something he would say to me :'( I did speak to him by  text to wish him a happy birthday.  The conversation was ok ended a bit odd. I stopped responding him first. I just don't know why I want him back so bad and just can't get over it already. It also bothered me to see all her friends wish him a happy birthday on fb when my friends didn't even like him because he made them uncomfortable. A few weeks ago he asked me to come over and just before I got there he called because he was sick and falling asleep  ( i could hear he was very sick ) its just so confusing and hurts so much 

I am sorry you are feeling this way today. It is hard and it is OK to let youeself feel it. I believe  men with BPD say the same thing to almost every girl. I think it is just they found what women like and stick to it. It says a lot about him and nothing about how unique and special you are. I hope you start to feel better soon.

Hi there LB&C,

I am sorry that this is such a difficult day for you.   .  It really must have been hard seeing the FB responses.

I think it was really kind of you to reach out and wish him a happy birthday.

It is hard to detach from someone. The healing process does take time and can be really confusing. Have you read the lessons yet?  

Maybe to make the day easier, you could do something special for yourself?  

The sad part is his friends told me that before he dated me for years he only lasted a few months with women. They would come and go.  This one he seems serious about. Only about a month or a month and half ago he told my sister still loves me and his door would never be closed to me. He couldn't believe we spent 4 years together and he thinks of me day and night

       

I miss mine too. It is hard to care about someone who can't reciprocate. You loved them the best you could. Take strength from that. You can't logic a broken brain. Forgive yourself your mistakes and remember that you are a wonderful person worthy of a healthy and happy relationship.

Hi EJ

I am honestly counting the minutes till I can just go to sleep. I have not read the lesson yet but that maybe helpful for me to read tonight so thank you for the suggestion. I was able to function and put it out of my mind most of the day which is good for me since at times in the last few months I have been so depressed at times I just don't move from my house. I just wish I didn't miss him and want him back so much. I tried to keep it light so he doesn't know how much I do miss him. He is working very late and I joked and said I would go celebrate at happy hour for him but that seemed to upset him a little.  Not sure if it was the thought of me going out or cranky because he was working late so I ended the conversation

Its hard on days like birthdays etc. Just sending love n support you way x x x x

I so understand that feeling. How long have you been apart? I am at 8 months and around month  6 I started to feel less of the pls just let me go to bed feeling. I am hoping for your sake you can start feeling better soon too. Around month 6 I laughed. Like I really laughed for the first time. I returned to the gym. I started to breathe again. You will too. NC has been torture but it has helped. Maybe contacting him isn't allowing you to take the space you need to heal. Just a thought. Well anyway I am thinking of you. Hugs.   

Hi Hope2727

We stopped talking in June but this wasn't unusual for us to go for a month or 2 after a fight without talking. It wasn't until October that I realized he was with someone else after a 4 year relationship with no break up. My focus for those months was getting my children away from my ex husband because he has anger issues and choked my daughter. When I asked him to just be there for me is when he stopped talking to me. I believe he just couldn't be there which I now understand and the shame drove him away. He was always unbelievably jealous of my ex husband for some reason. I had no time to focus on what was happening in our relationship because I was busy trying to protect my kids and figure out how we would survive.  I now kick myself even though my kids come first maybe I just didn't give him the attention he needed because I couldn't understand why he couldn't be there just to give me the support (not financial I alway gave him financial support ) I needed just not to be so scared