BPDFamily.com

I have learned a lot about this illness BPD and am still learning.  I asked a lot of questions and I got answers.

I really can make a difference in someone's life who suffers from BPD, including my ex and I am sure most of you can.

The problem is ... .how do you make a blind horse see (my favorite sentence from Skip)? Is there a way other than her saying "I need help"?  How can I get through to draw her to look deep in herself and penetrate that brick wall of denial?

Knowing that she won't get help till she crashes, why not before she crashes?

Trust.

It's about trust.

Before anyone is going to listen to anyone regarding their mental health, they have to have an open mind (which often comes from crisis) and they need to hear it from someone they deeply trust the knowledge, and the motivation.

Does your ex deeply trust your knowledge and your motivation?  Should she?

Skip raises a very valid point. 

If you were 100 % in the relationship and approached it correctly you might be able to assist.  Remember at the moment, this is somethign I personally strugle with a heap at times.  I cant help, trying will only cause pain.  Been there done that, I cant help her. 

She has to make the choice to accept help.  Ask for help, open up about those problems. 

In many respects, the pain of lots of people upon finding out, for me this was 10 fold.  I could have helped but I lacked the insight to understand the problem that existed.  My pain is knowing in hidsight what I could have done differently. 


AJJ. 

Skip

Knowledge Yes !

Motivation ... .Well she will probably ask herself why would I want to do that for ? BPD complex at it's best .

Why should she ... .? Good one ! For her own wellness perhaps  ,  witch I doubt she will , she knows exactly what her illness is but she denies and live along with it , survived and still does , why change and for who should she imbedded in her selfishness  ?

I think if she's aware of what she causes for others" Broken hearted Ex'es " and the intensive therapy to get over the hurt she caused for them , me... .Included .

She needs to live the experience of broken heart ... .In my opinion .

What's your take on that ?

Did they ever have a broken heart , my ex no ?

It really doesn't make a difference. I discovered BPD while i was still with the X. I tried to get a grasp of everything and be the one person that can understand and it was all for nothing. Her behavior didn't really change. She was never able to control her rages or impulsiveness.

I know this was intended for Skip but, I am going to jump in  :)  PwBPD experience feelings on a different level than a non-disordered person.  PwBPD are filled with feelings of intense hurt, pain, shame, loss, and sadness.  Keeping that in mind, I believe they know the feelings associated with a "broken heart."  It is hard for us to understand that they have these feelings because, pwBPD tend to use defense mechanisms to essentially stop their own emotional turmoil.   

I tried to help,  armed with knowledge on BPD,  she even admitted her diagnosis to me and "told me things she never told anyone" but it made 0 difference in the end,  she didn't truly want my help and the cycle continues.