BPDFamily.com

Hello my friends.

After last night's dysregulation, which included some physical pushing ( her part not mine) and name calling ( her to me) I think I am reaching the end of my rope. I can't imagine another year of this hell. Is anybody thinking the same thing... .just waiting until the holidays are over to access or plan an exit?

I'm sorry to hear you had a hard night. Physically pushing is crossing boundaries.


I made a personal choice to leave ( separate ) after the holidays    We seperated every year of the 8 years r/s so that makes it around 8 times. I based that decision on my own personal situation. Everyone's different with different life circumstances. My ex had gotten physical once (including biting me) and periods where she would shove or push.

I stayed through the holidays for the kids if we had no kids, I think I would of left.  A difficult period were the holidays. I don't think there's a right or wrong on timing.

Her dysregulations ebb and flow and she would return to her baseline shortly after the new year. You know her best and your level of tolerance, it's her physically pushing that worries me. Does she have a history of escalating? Biting, hitting, punching etc?

She has gotten in my face before and stuck her finger in my chest to make a point. I told her that violates my boundaries and I don't like to be touched when she is angry at me. I had an abusive mother and it brings back memories. I also thought i had established a boundary as to name calling. She violated both last night.

While she didn't scare me last night, in truth I have no idea how far her dysregulation will take her. She is a second degree black belt. She could hurt me.

I am not prone to the physical at all. I would rather just stand there and get beaten up by a woman rather than hit her.

I have been planning to leave for years and years. My uBPDw is not full blown and is unable to function on her own. I am just afraid she would blow all her share of money and just go off the deep end. That holds me. I know I don't owe anyone anything but that's how I feel. I know she will never change , just try to make it easier for me by changing my lsnguage and understanding the hurt inside them. Not easy when painted black.

I'm sorry to hear what you had to go through with your mom  

Sometimes its a good idea to change things if it doesn't work. A boundary is if you do X I respond with Y.

If she starts to poke your chest, get in your face and / or dysregulate an option could be to simply leave the situation. Go for a drive, an errand, visit family, grab a coffee. I understand verbally telling her what is acceptable and what is not.

A pwBPD have difficulties establishing their own boundaries and respect other peoples boundaries. You can't control someone's actions and you can control yours.

Have you tried stepping out for a few in the past? I also understand you're at the end of your rope. I can relate. That's tough.