BPDFamily.com

So in the topsy turvey world of BPD (and as correctly stated by waverider) the past couple of days have been much better than the past couple of weeks. It appears gf is calming down and almost back to her usual self.

I've kept a semi strict NC policy this week and aside from a couple of text messages to say good morning or good night, I've got on with my own life and just been there for when she has needed me to be. Christmas plans are back on the cards and she has called several times to talk about them, even as far as calling to tell me she was out shopping to get me another present to show how much she cares.

But then another pattern emerges.

When I spoke to her yesterday about her plans for the weekend, she was meeting up with her best friend for the afternoon (seems to be her only friend as when she gets bored, she blocks people out of her life) I told her that would be really good for her and I hoped she has a wonderful afternoon. She called me this afternoon and when I asked how the outing went she told me she didn't go. Instead sent her friend a text to say she wasn't coming at the last minute. She didn't feel like it and then devalued her friend in the reasons why not to go. Next week her friend will be the greatest thing on earth again and the cycle repeats.

A couple of months ago she got back in contact with another woman who used to be her best friend, they did everything together. The whole time she was texting her pleasantries, she was devaluing her in front of me. Then one night a few weeks ago, without warning she just blocked this friends number and said "Wonder how long it will be before she figures out she's blocked?"

She had another best friend when I first met her, who I did get to speak to (not met any of her friends yet) and after this friend sent her a text to tell her she could be very selfish at times, she was blocked too.

So then tonight I got a phone call where she was really excited because she is now back in contact with another friend from several years ago and I know that within a month, that too is going to go the same way. One of the things she mentioned was that she brought me up in the conversation but that she didn't tell this friend who I was. Right now, I have no idea who I am to her  lol

So my question to those of you out there, I know there is a lot of talk on the site about recycling romantic relationships with pwBPD but do any of you also see the same pattern around "friends" they have in their lives too? It just seems to be a revolving door of friends for gf and she never has more than 1 or 2 at a time. Again, because of this, I've never met any of her friends although she has met most of mine. Some she took an instant dislike to simply because they knew my ex.

That's another pattern I've also noticed. My ex-wife was from another country. As a result of that, gf hates the country in question and anything associated to it. I've tried in the past to explain that 1 person doesn't reflect an entire country but she won't have any of it. Even as far as if there is a TV program on and it features said country, she will just turn it off. Has anyone else seen this type of behaviour too?

Absolutely.

My BPD wife either loves my family members or hates them. I do not know how she goes back and forth.

Maybe she flips a coin; it is that random and unpredictable.

Same with her mother; either she talks to her every day or does not talk to her for months. And her mother does the same to her. 

She makes a friend and that is the most wonderful person in the world. Then they do something she perceives as a hurtful or an attack on her and they are instantly the spawn of satan. Unfortunately, the friends are usually male and she plays a little game with them where she leads them on for all the attention she can get then realizes she has ended up in an emotional affair.

As for the ex-wife, I have one too. Have not seen or spoke to her since well before I met my current wife of 16 years, but my wife hates anyone who has anything even remotely in common with her. She is even jealous of my high school gf, who I last spoke to in 1985, and occasionally goes on a rant about her.

So, yes, you are not alone in dealing with this. As for how to deal with it, I too am stumped.  

Mine insisted he had tons of close friends, but the reality was much as you have described it below.