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Title: New member Post by: JillieRae1 on December 22, 2014, 04:31:16 AM My fiancé is BPD. I've struggled in the past with traits, myself. Our fights get so heated and out of control when I let my guard down and don't follow what I should be doing to communicate with her. Just trying to figure out some tips to get through the bad days and find my autonomy again, as well.
Title: Re: New member Post by: Crumbling on December 22, 2014, 06:00:40 AM *welcome*
Sounds like you've got a toolbox of strategies already. Have you known about BPD long? Has there been a formal diagnosis? The lessons to the right here are very helpful. ---------> Anyways, just wanted to say welcome! Crumbling. Title: Re: New member Post by: Cole on December 22, 2014, 10:23:11 AM Welcome, and listen to Crumbling about the lessons. New here myself, and have learned more in the last week than I have from all the MD's and PhD's my wife has seen combined. Read the lessons, post your questions, and see how many others are in our position and have some great insight to share.
Title: Re: New member Post by: maxsterling on December 22, 2014, 10:56:47 AM Hi, Jillie *welcome*
You've found the right place. Every single person here knows exactly what you are facing right now. And to give you hope, it can get better. Finding this website is a huge first step in that process. I know the arguments with a person who has BPD (pwBPD) are bad. You feel like you are being accused of things you did not do, that she won't listen when you explain yourself, that she will hit below the belt, and that she is stubborn and selfish. I am sure that you feel like there is no middle ground, and no room for "you". Yes, the lessons to the right can help you. They have helped me - I encourage you to read through them! The very first thing you must learn is that when an argument starts, don't JADE. That stands for Justify, Argue, Defend, or Explain. I am sure you have learned by now that your arguments with her are futile, and never, ever go anywhere and nothing ever gets resolved. The solution? Don't engage her. Don't get wrapped up in her angry emotions. If an apology is warranted, apologize and leave it at that. Don't get caught trying to explain over and over. It won't work because she is not receptive to listening. That's the first step to regaining yourself. Realize she has a serious illness, that it isn't about you or anything you caused, and to not engage in her illness. Hope to see you coming back here :) |