BPDFamily.com

Once during one of our breakups, my husband (then boyfriend) went to a concert he knew I would attend.  When we got back together, he told me about watching me there. I had never seen him. He described what I was wearing that night.  I wonder if he is ever around watching me now. I don't think so, but it kind of creeps me out. I am doing my best to totally detach, but very recently,  he filed an answer to the divorce complaint. Now he is on my mind. Today I thought of him so much. It was anger, but he is taking up space and paying no rent again. I have to figure out the legal stuff, so it is not like I can just put it or him out of my mind. The best I can do is protect myself from direct contact.

Sounds stalker-like, but I gotta admit, I did it too when I was a much younger man; spied on a girlfriend who had dumped me, saw her happy and publicly physically affectionate with another man, went home and cried in my beer.  It sucked, so maybe it sucked for your's too, but you know him.

Anyway, anger is good, it can be quite an ally as you detach, and it will pass; might as well use it as you work through legalese.  Take care of you!

Thanks. I wasn't with anyone. I had decided to go and enjoy myself with or without him. That's why it was creepy and I left that part out. He could have walked up to me and said something,  but he didn't. Anyway, I will use the anger. I have always been more of a loner, but it is true what everyone says about the addictive nature of these relationships.  I was physically I'll durian the initiative withdrawal. 

Yeah, me too on both counts.  Us loners are susceptible to people coming on strong like borderlines do, I certainly was, and my shoulder entirely seized up, it's where all the stress went, and I was sick, like I had the flu, for a couple of months after.  Although it wasn't the flu.

Our bodies don't lie to us, even when our hearts and minds are deluded.  Time to remove these people from our lives permanently, yes?

Emphatically YES! I am seeking to better understand why I was so susceptible and my part in it. I never want to experience pain like that again. It's been 6 months since I have seen him in person,  and I still dread seeing him if I ever have to. The reason I am worried is more about if he were his charming self, I am afraid everything I have learned about this would go out the window. I have gotten a few calls lately with no number. I haven't answered and no message was left. I did not react by calling him when I received his answer to my divorce complaint. I simply filed a motion with the court. I am down about him being able to evoke this much emotion in me just from filing a document. The healing process is slow for me. I am reading on this site about why it is so difficult,  but I feel I have had a bit of a setback. I was actually thinking of mailing him an anonymous Christmas present. I am not going to, but it bothers me a lot that the thought entered my head. I am sticking to what I know is right to do. I know I would love to have him back if he could sustain the good side, but I know I cannot live another day with the bad side. I have never been so devastated,  and most people in my life cannot understand,  so I don't talk about it much. I do have a good therapist,  so that helps.

Good for you Seriously, you sound committed to your detachment, and it's not about not having the thoughts, it takes as long as it takes for those to stop, it's about not acting on them.


It won't.  The last time I heard from my ex was about 9 months after I left her, and I had detached quite a bit and learned about the disorder by then.  She turned on all the flirty cheeriness that had worked so many times before, but by then it sounded hollow, fake, transparent and ultimately nauseating; I knew too much by then, and knew her too well, to the point it was just sad, which was a reaction that surprised me a little, but that I was happily satisfied with.

My exBPDbf does the same. We actually were in contact last week (that lasted only 6 days so its back to NC). He told me that he spotted me easily at my church (its a huge church so he had to be looking for me). Then he told me where my car was packed and how my car was still there when he left. The his narcissist personality kicked in and he asked me did I see him (which I did because he sat 2 rows in front of me) and had the nerve to say I bet you stared at me the entire time. He wishes.

On another occasion I was talking on my phone while walking into the church and later day he said to me "who were you on the phone with when you arrived to church?" He is very creepy. I think he stalks me all the time and I almost sure he been near my residence since we are on NC.