BPDFamily.com

Well, I'm sure this is not a new topic and even possible that I'm' posting on the wrong site for it. But the nature of why these things I'll list truly stem from my 3 year courtship with a BPD, mother of 2 [her kids], so I thought them relevant to post them here. The truth of the matter, is that I'm still quite lost as an individual still. So much of my identity was wrapped up as a pseudo-husband and loving step-dad to 2 little loves. I've been in therapy for nearly a year since addressing some severe anxiety, largely due to the emotional abuse that was a result of this person in my life. Our bond was basically severed around the same time. Not a surprise that I found myself abandoned during a health crisis after walking through her 2+ year ordeal. I was projected to be a nuisance the whole time as well and only helped seal the definitive understanding that all 3 years were classic BPD.

What I'm struggling with is really my responsibility. She's actually engaged to be married and has completely moved on to her next disaster. We've had no contact since March 2014, nothing. The most I've seen was random social media tiles with more recent pictures. Just yesterday... .I was looking at an old pic on my FB account, of which I thought I had deleted mutual pics that had her in it... .and even thought she's got me blocked, when the whole act of betrayal back in march happened. I still happened to see her newest profile pic in the small tile by her name... .I mean within the old pic of us. It was a pic of her and her new BF... .or fiance... .and I just lost it. I couldn't sleep all last night. It really got to me, I tell you. I still friggin' lose my stuff when I glance at old pics of the kids and I, especially. Losing those children was really as if they've died. You see I have no rights to them, paternally, their dad is very much in the picture of their lives. What I experienced is rather an unspoken pain, not to play the martyr or anything. I love them like they were my own. That's what I'm driving at. They're basically dead to me, as if they taken tragically in an accident.

So given some of the nature of what's leaving me vulnerable to sever states of sadness and a lack of forward momentum... .what would some of you that have gotten to latter stages of creating your new lives... .aside from the damage... .recommend? I need to know what has worked for you. Does anyone have similar circumstances where the route you took worked well. Any books? I'm still kind of struggling with moving off and dating again. I don't bounce back right away when I lose a love. I withdrawal and isolate. I haven't done a good job at creating an extended support system beyond the failed relationship and the sick women, somewhat like herself, that she had in her life at the time we ended. I'm hurting and hoping someone can offer some good testimonies. Thanks... .and happy holidays.

Hi

*welcome*

I'm about a year out too.  I'm sorry for your loss the holidays can be hard.

The book from abandonment to healing.  It gives an overview of the healing / grieving process. Also the betrayal bond. 

Here's a list of site recommended books.

https://bpdfamily.com/content/book-reviews

thanks I did give those a look already. Looking online for more options too. Thank you.

I highly recomend the book the search for the real self by masterson. 

Also the writings on schema therapy by Jeffry young.

I'm a big fan of archetypal psychology and recomend the writing of Carl Jung. I recomend man and his symbols as an introductory text. The archtypes and the collective unconcious is a really good one.

The lucifer effect by Phillip Zimbardo


I'm a big fan of the writings by Melanie Klein.