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My BPD GF broke up with me after 18 months together. In 18 months I've seen it

all. You name it, she’s done it. And it started from the first date.

6 months since breakup.

She's already in a new relationship.

We are 60 days NC

She text me yesterday to wish me a happy holiday. I responded in kind. We exchanged texts that we are both happy right now. We wished each other well. Short, sweet and to the point. All good.

( FYI... .I responded 12 hours after getting her text... .But during the day I

got a blocked number hang up call, I'm assuming it was her checking to see if I

had the same cell number and that her text had gone through ) I am also certain she text me while she was away with the new bf.

Question: can this be just what it was, a happy holiday text... .Or is there always an ulterior motive on their part ?

Is it possible she is really happy and was really just wishing me well ?

Part of me denies that she will follow the usual BPD patten. But history has proven that she has followed many of the same patterns as other female BPD's mentioned here.

Is this a prelude to a recycle attempt ?

Triangulation ?

Part of me wants to recycle... .Part of me wants no part of her any more. It will never be a healthy relationship.

Your thoughts... .

It is difficult to generalize as we run the danger of labeling many well intentioned behaviors as suss and just "the sort of thing apBPD would do".

That said it is part of a pwBPDs nature to run parallel interests, ie whats in it for them. It is not always manipulative or malicious, but it can be the motivator to nudge them to do the considerate thing. This comes from self need and impulsivity being strong motivators, whereas responsibility, obligation and consideration not being strong motivators.

eg "Can we go to the shops and I will help you carry the shopping", is often driven by the unstated motivator of fulfilling their "need' for say an ice cream, or fav fad food you otherwise wouldn't buy. They often can't even recognize this motivator for themselves, they truly believe they are acting out of being helpful. Finding out the ice cream parlor is closed and suddenly the helpful offer evaporates.

So back to your original question yes it is very likely that it is not 100% simply what it appears to be., but life is a lot easier if you just take at face value as it is easier for you not to jump at shadows. Who knows what other motivator may be behind it, your life will not benifit from playing a guessing game.

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InPain, I'm not sure trying figure out a lingering motive is beneficial to you. I would take it as a sign of still liking me (in one way or the other) and be happy that I haven't completely vanished from her mind. I would try to avoid building up any false hope in my head (trust me, i've been down that road too many times). Yes recycling happens (even with non BPDs i'd like to add) and sometimes ex-partners try to keep their exes as some sort of reserve to fall back to. And sometimes people, BPD or not, like to keep even some contact with people they have shared their life previously.

My SO is going through that time when he is pulling himself away from our relationship, needs and takes a lot of distance etc. One typical sign is and was that he contacted his few remaining friends and most of his exes (or all of them, i don't know) to see how they are doing. In a way it's good as he does have a habit of leaving even the people he considers close friends somehow behind, not seeing them and only answering them shortly if they call or such (this can go on for months). And actually cares for his exes and likes to know how they are doing (and I believe it's genuinly so, even though the need to do so arises just when he is distancing).

That is so accurate waverider, my gf will suggest we go food shopping then conveniently head into the clothes shops to look at dresses she wants but can't afford. If I say that while she is doing that I'll go look somewhere else she then gets sad because "no point in looking if I haven't got the money" If I want to look somewhere, she has no interest and will walk off elsewhere. However, there have been times I've bought the dress or shoes for her. It's reminded me many times of my kids doing the same thing and something I would do when I was young too.

My mother posted a thing on Facebook the other week. It stated, "You know you are an adult when the things you want for Christmas can't be bought in a store" to which my gf replied "That means I'm officially a child, but we all knew that anyway yay!"

There are times I've even made a joke about it, got home after a long day at work. Gf has been staying over, slept all day, watched TV for the remainder and is full of energy when I get in (like an excited child) suggesting we go food shopping. I respond along the lines of "new dress time again?" and now she tends to admit it more than deny but we still go through the same pantomime each time.

InPain, in terms of your situation, I would agree that it is quite likely not what it appears. It could be that she is perfectly happy but testing you to see if you are still there or that you care, especially given it's been NC for 60 days.

It could be that things aren't rosy in her life and she is attempting a spot of triangulation. You will tear yourself up thinking about it so best thing is to continue on your own journey and not give it too much thought. The only way to know for sure is if she comes straight out and tells you so until you have the facts.

I know my gf is pulling away right now but leaving mixed signals as she does. I've basically given her 3 options, stay and work through things, take a break apart for a while or end things completely. She knows that if it ends, I will wish her well but would never entertain her back in my life. I have 2 exgf's in my life and only because they are the mothers of my children. 1 I get on with really well and the other who causes trouble which is about to stop completely in court in a few weeks.

gf knows that if things are final, I won't ever entertain being part of a triangle and that if it's over, it's over. So right now she is playing a dance, it's final, then it's not, then it is, then it's not. I'm now giving her the time and space to think things through and process herself. It's not that I don't care or don't love her because I always will, it's just I won't be a part of any game she has to play. It's also to show her my boundaries as in the past, because I talk to my eldest daughters mother, she was convinced I was going to leave her and go back to my ex or that I was having an affair. I've never gone backwards and if I was to do it with her, it gives reasonable doubt in her mind that it could possibly happen with my daughters mother. I'm strictly NC with my exN/BPDw and have been since we broke up. Those have been the only women in my life so I haven't gone backwards yet.

Ulterior motive? I'm a big fan of honesty. I have not been responding to any of the "Wishing you well" crap that has been going on since we broke up. She is not wishing me well. At best it a lame courtesy that she uses to silence her own bad conscience, to drown her own guilt. At worst it is a passive aggressive gesture. She has ___ed me over so royally that I want nothing do with her, and I have made that clear. She responds with a "wishing you the best" text message, taking my non-reply as a receipt that I am an ___hole. Same old turning of tables routine.

Bottom line is if you don't trust it, what is it worth however it is meant?

In pain dont let your heart and sole, or wishful thinking, rest on what at best is a maybe.