BPDFamily.com

Our son has ADHD and my mom BPD. However, we’ve just realised my BPDm also has ADHD. I often read that bi-polar and ADHD and BPD can all get miss diagnoses with each other. 25% of people with BPD apparently have ADHD. My BPDm ADHD traits are she: can’t sit still, talks too much, she’s very impulsive, appalling concentration, poor short term memory, fidgets and blurts out what she has to say over others (as she’d forget what she wanted to say otherwise).  

I was wondering if your BPD has none or not all of these traits? I had until recently assumed these were BPD, but note that the famous BPD I’ve been reading about don’t appear to have these. Is my BPDm part of the 25% or do all BPD have this ? Here’s an article about it: www.BPDdemystified.com/what-is-BPD/co-occuring-disorders/the-symptoms-and-treatment-of-attention-deficit-hyperactivity-disorder-in-patients-with-borderline-disorder/  

I was very much convinced that my wife had ADHD because she showed all the traits. However, when she did the formal tests it turned out her ability to concentrate was rather OK.

Same thing with the tests for bipolar disorder. She has the symptoms much more under control than she would is she did in deed have these disorders.

She can't self soothe, so she acts out. But at the blink of an eye she can snap out of it and "shape up".

Her inability to concentrate and listen seems to have much more to do with disinterest and an almost compulsive unwillingness to do what others have told her. She can't take instruction and teachers have always been dismissed as stupid or imcompetent.

She is also overly sensitive to touch - another thing that I thought pointed in the direction of ADHD. This crippled our sexual life greatly. In hindsight I think it could just as well have been her inability to appreciate it. But it was the same thing with our daughter, my wife almost panicked at the thought of being touched in an unwelcome way by a two year old! It's just so strange.

It's very possible that your mother has both ADHD and BPD, although I haven't heard that there's a strong link between the two. Some of the behavior you described (talking over people, for example) could be attributed to either disorder. To answer your question, my mother does exhibit some of the same behaviors that you mentioned--she's very impulsive.

One thing that I've learned is that it is really important to focus on the behavior, rather than the disorder. My mother will likely never be formally diagnosed with BPD (because she won't seek treatment), but her behavior is very consistent with BPD. By focusing on how to respond to her behavior, rather than trying to confirm that she has BPD, I can better deal with the disruptive behavior.

What would change if you had confirmation that your mother has ADHD and BPD?

Hi GeekyGirl and hergestridge my BPDm is very high on that scale, so it's not about confirming the BPD but more about understanding the link with ADHD. Often seen this link in texts (see the link in my original post). That notwithstanding, it's kind of useful to correctly diagnose each of these traits. I have noticed the behaviour of someone displaying BPD/NPD techniques, tends to be much easier to predict than that of a norm. And when they’re playing power/money games, the ability to predict or spot “funny business” is worth a lot of money.  

If I look back on my life the biggest problems have all come from people showing stong NPD or BPD traits. So the abliity to identify a BPD is a bit like carrying holy water and garlick. So does anyone have a BPD that isn't implusive, can sit still for more than 2 seconds, with normal short term memory or in other words not also on the ADHD scale?  |iiii

Not sure if you have seen this: DIFFERENCES/COMORBIDITY: Borderline PD and Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=147635.0)

Hi HappyC, how are you?

My mother (my uBPD) was not impulsive (except in her rage/anger) and it often seemed like she took forever with things, having to discuss them to the nth degree, think about things, look at all the angles, etc.  She was able to focus, though sometimes it seemed excessive.  So while she may have had behaviors that could be ADD, she was without the hyperactive part.  She did have difficulty with processing information and other things that could point to ADD and I also thought she might have a Central Auditory Processing Disorder which is often mistaken for ADD/ADHD.  I have some of the latter though never found out what it was until well into graduate school.   

I can understand why you would want to know the differences as I do agree it can make it easier to anticipate and defend, if necessary, when dealing with 'difficult' people.  I would also think it would be important to you because your son had ADHD.  That is tough to deal with but at least you are aware and well equipped to help him. 

Holy Moly. I came here to ask apart the same question. My mil has BPD and was diagnosed with it (she rejected the diagnosis... .after she read about it of course). It is an explanation for all of her behavior. However a few years ago one of my kids was diagnosed with autism and more recently my almost 5 year old with severe adhd. This past weekend we were subjected to some crazy making by my mil... .and in my brain some gears rolled around and I sort of noticed... .disturbing similarities.

Thanks for the feedback everyone. Just found an article from www.psychiatrictimes.com/articles/adhd-adults/page/0/3 ... .so a reliable source. It states "The ADHD patient's impulsivity is short-lived and is thoughtless rather than "driven. The ADHD patient's anger is episodic and also short-lived compared to the brooding anger of the BPD patient. The major differences between ADHD and BPD patients is that the former do not have the intense conflicted relationships, suicidal preoccupations, self-mutilation, identity disturbances or feelings of abandonment seen in BPD."

My son has never brooded, gets over things in seconds and can show respect. So I guess the similarities with his BPD gandmother are because they both act like little kids, only he is a little kid so that's fine and dandy. Such a relief.  :) :) :)

That's a good observation, HappyChappy.  |iiii There is a lot of overlap in the behaviors of people ADHD and BPD, and it's also very likely that your mother and son have similar emotional needs... for now. Your son will mature and grow over time and I think you'll see fewer similarities.  :)