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Title: I just hate her for disrespecting my love, my devotion to her. Post by: Hutsepotmetworst on December 30, 2014, 02:47:17 AM I feel so much anger these days, towards my UxBPDgf... .and towards my self !
I just hate her for disrespecting my love, my devotion to her. I just hate myself for letting her hurt me, my kids and her kids with all of her craziness. I still see the scars on my wrist from an assault of her just one year ago. And still my head is such a mess. I lost nearly all of my belief in love and romance, it's all gone. When my current gf tells me she loves me, I just think "yeah right... .and tomorrow you hit me or leave me... ." Bwah, feels like I want some kind of revenge on her... .Someone else feels the same ? Title: Re: Just venting Post by: Mutt on December 30, 2014, 10:27:21 AM Hi Hutsepotmetworst
*welcome* I'm sorry to hear you are struggling. Anger is a normal stage in the 5 stages of grieving. You may go through the stages in any order and a stage more than once. You suffered loss PERSPECTIVES: The Five Stages of Grieving a Relationship Loss (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=138154.0) I think it's important to not be hard on ourselves. Treat ourselves as we would treat another person. Taking care of ourselves. The scars may trigger difficult memories or a reminder? I'm sorry for what you had to go through. How long have you been not to together with your ex? Your gf is a different person than your ex. You anticipate that she may act out like your ex. How's your new gf like? Title: Re: I just hate her for disrespecting my love, my devotion to her. Post by: Hutsepotmetworst on December 31, 2014, 03:16:34 AM Thanks Mutt,
the scars remind me of the fact that I was not strong enough to let the RS go at that time. She hurted me physically and that should have been more than enough to put a stop to it. But I kept on going back for more... .Till I was a nervous and anxious wreck. The RS ended 6 months ago, but we've texted a lot since then, mainly because she was shouting out for help and support. Last week she started a new rs, and she told me it was time to let each other go. I suppose this gave me a shock, and released all the frustration and anger inside of me, instead of feeling guilty and supportive all the time... . My current gf is loving, caring and fun to be with. She brings those elements to the rs that my UxBPDgf never did or could do. So I'm really happy with her in my life |iiii |