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R/S still very much in a push / pull situation right now. But things seem to be a little better, yesterday she invited herself up today to pick up a package that was arriving for her. As it turns out the package was actually delivered to hers this morning.

She rang me in good spirits and seemed to be in a good mood. I'm still not well so kept the call brief though felt like she wanted to stay on the phone. She asked about my day and I told her if I was feeling any better, I might head out and see some friends. In truth I wanted to ask if she wanted to do something tonight for New Year but given how that conversation went the other day and how it triggered her, I thought it best not to.

A short time ago, I then received a friends request from her on Facebook which I accepted. The other day she told me that right now she just wants to be alone, I told her I'm always there for her and waited for her to approach me rather than me chase her. So she saw a FB post of mine from the other night. Wasn't anything relevant but I got quite a large number of likes and comments. I don't use FB all that much, only really to keep I'm touch with friends (real friends) work colleagues and family around the world so maybe post once every other month or so.

Within the comments, one of my married female ex-colleagues asked how things were and casually mentioned meeting up for a lunch date. Wouldn't just be us, she was going to bring the whole team with her, my old boss and a few friends. I said that would be a great idea and to let me know when they are free. Another female friend (who I have suspicions might be BPD too as she is always surrounded by drama) also commented on how its been a really bad year for her and would like to talk. I used to be her voice of reason and she would pop in and out of my life whenever she had a crisis. She then mentioned that she would drop me a message later to tell me all about it.

So to gf, I'm now having secret talks with another woman and being asked put on dates, which I have accepted. She is so jealous and upset right now. Yet just 2 days ago the R/S was over then it was on a break and then she just needed some time alone right now. Its all so confusing.

The bottom line though is there is nothing sinister going on. An ex work colleague wants to meet up for a catch up with 5 other people too and a friend of mine is having another crisis, also married and living in a different country and wants some perspective on her situation. I swear, I struggle to keep up with where my own R/S is right now.

Hi Ripped Heart,

You have a lot going on in the homefront.  There's a dramatic element with acquaintances in their personal lives that surrounds you. It's important not to get enmeshed in it. Pulling back and shifting focus and taking care of ourselves is important.

Are you talking with the woman you mention in secret talks?

No Mutt, I'm not talking with her. She didn't drop me a message and I didn't chase it. However, she is very much like that just drops in and out when she feels like it.

As this message was prior to me finding out about the infidelity, I now suspect that's where the accusations came from. It was projection.