BPDFamily.com

So I am no longer physically attracted to my exBPD... .She gained weight, started drinking a lot, lost friends, and it looks like her life is going down... .again... .now she seems so vulnerable to me. She became selfish in bed as well, she smokes and has cigarette breath... .yuck! So I have lost basically all physical attraction and a lot of emotional attraction, however, I do have some sort of pull towards her... .I am keeping myself quiet, not communicating with her... .This is one of my new year resolutions :) So guys, do you still have that pull towards your exes even if you are not attracted to them anymore? What is the best way to get out of this funk? Thanks! And happy New Year!

In my case the attraction was always more emotional than physical. Don't get me wrong I think she is pretty but not amazing or anything.

But a pretty little girl who's sad and depressed = mega hot

Mega hot girl who's happy and confident = not bad

It's the codependent part of me sadly.

I still have a pull towards a fantasy relationship that never existed, except between my ears, and she, with her need to attach due to the disorder, naturally and instinctually became the fantasy at first to affect the attachment.

Step one was realizing it was a fantasy and realizing the her she showed me was only her for a short period while she was running with her fantasy while feeding mine.  It was very nice, and it was also an unsustainable fiction.

Step two, which I'm still in the middle of, is to stop looking for someone to fulfill that fantasy, and start interacting with real women in the real world.  So far so good, and all new.

This is the stage I'm at im still atractted to my ex in both ways but the more time goes on I'm getting more detached in both ways ive not seen her in almost 8 weeks only a small glimpse twice for a minute or so when she has come to pick something up from a mutual freinds house and both times she has been with my replacement. I'm Almost certain that the more time away from her I will detach compleatly and I'm hoping once at that stage if she tried to re engage at a later date I could say no to her as like we all fell for the fantasy .

She's still physically attractive (always has been), but the emotional attraction has cleaved/is cleaving in my case.  That said, there are countries and thousands of miles between us.  Can't say for certain if the process would seem so easy were she in front of me every day.

Unfortunately my ex is attractive. Wish he wasn't. Hope he eventually grows to look like the demon he has inside

She is smoking hot but I lost attraction to her because of what she've done and said in the past so our last recycle went pretty much sexless.

It's funny but I have split my ex into 2 completely seperate people. I still do miss the person in the idealisation phase and the great times we had but the person she is now is someone I loathe and hold in utter contempt after what she has done post break up. She has changed her look to the adorable school girl look but I know what lurks inside. My ex was very short and did the cute/vulnerable act perfectly. Yes I still think she's physically attractive but she's the last person on earth I want to have anything to do with

My ex is a beautiful woman. I looked at photos of her this weekend for the first time in a year. She is definitely not all that I made her up to be in my head. I have dated prettier women since we broke up. Unfortunately still, they are not her.