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This whole situation has been and is extremely hard on me. I married who I thought was the love of my life after a whirlwind romance.  Even before we married, there were lots of red flags, but I always explained them away. He had never completely dysregulated, so in my eyes and because I was super addicted,  I discounted my own reactions to his behaviors. I remember he would laugh inappropriately.  If one of my clients laughed like him, I would have noted it in their chart. At the time, though,  I asked myself if I was really going to break up with someone due to this? Once, his paranoia was on full display, not with me but with his neighbor. I can't even remember how I explained that one away. There were lots of short-lived incidents that made me wonder,  but I always seemed to chalk it up to me overreacting.  One time, he got upset about a pillow case and talked about it for over an hour. All these things were small in and of themselves, and the good stuff was really good,  you know? It wasn't until the last month we were together that he regularly displayed erratic and disorganized emotions and behavior.  Anyway, I recently talked to him about our divorce.  He remembered events out of sequence and in some instances just plain wrong.  He sounded so reasonable,  however,  that I decided to ask him one last time to go to counseling with me. I sent him a text the day after I had talked to him on  the phone.  He did not respond at.all. I guess it is time to truly accept this all and completely detach. Part of my problem is my own belief system. I made my vows before God. It's not that I do not  believe in divorce at all,  but we have done nothing to try to save our marriage.  He physically shoved me and has outright stated he is having sex outside our marriage, so I know he has already broken our covenant. It is just hard because he and I never even had an in depth discussion.  He just keeps saying it can never be the same and saying a bunch of things that are not true.  So, I am going through with the divorce, but this breaks my heart still. At least at this point, I don't try to make him remember what really happened or to defend myself. I did that in the beginning. It did.no good.  He had his story and was sticking to it. Geez, I loved what we had. My T is helping me see that we both may have been in it for real, but my husband, for whatever reason, was unable to sustain it.

Hi Seriously?

I'm sorry. I can relate with belief system. I had my vows in front of god. I struggled hard with divorce. What stung is my value in a sacred covenant and my ex simply didn't seem to care. That hurt.

I didn't get married to get divorced.

I held my end of the contract. Nothing more, nothing less. I remained faithful, and she had sex outside of the marriage, she broke the covenant. After she had sex, I'm sorry it went against my values enough to dissolve the marriage.

My thought. There's a person out there that holds the same values and believes in their sacred covenant. You're testament of that. I learned many lessons from divorce, one not to ignore the red flags going into the next.

Very well said Mutt.

Agree

And also, I really don't believe god wants any of us to be unhappy or polluting the beautiful world with negativity as bad marriages do. You're blessed to have this one life, seems a disrespect to the god that gave it to live it in chains to someone else's mental illness?

I had no quarms whatsoever about leaving my wife, I feel god helped me leave her as I don't bel eve god wants me to be suicidal! As long as I learn my lesson, he's cool with it :)

Thanks, Mutt. It helps knowing something else has been through it. I wouldn't wish it on anyone, but I appreciate that I can come here and someone understands. He never responded to my text about counseling at all.