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I am kinda of uncomfortable writing this but saw my exBPDbf today and ended up having sex. I just needed to see if I really was so deeply in love still. The sex was awful! Honestly it only lasted about 2 minutes at most which was extremely odd for him. During that 2 minutes lol everything seemed fine he was his normal old self another words touching my face etc but as we were leaving each other it was odd like he didn't look at me and his hug and kiss was cold. Can anyone explain this?

I cannot answer this but it resonates with me. In the final devaluation and discard period in October whilst I was being tbe focus of her vitriol, my ex BPD girlfriend had sex with me twice and afterwards cried. Almost like a guilt thing saying this is where we say goodbye. I always thought this strange as there was almost no intimacy... .and on both occasions she would not kiss me. Strange

That's what I feel was odd because the kissing and touching was there. The sex wasn't a cold just very very short. It was our goodbye that was odd. Just a friendly hug and kiss but wouldn't look at me at all.

I know where you are coming from with this. My girlfriend didn't kiss me intimately at all. Funny though, the night before she disappeared, she kissed me so passionately. Then poof gone.

If I was a betting man I would wager he has someone else - a replacement.  Showing love during sex is understandable because their feelings will fluctuate.  He felt love for you then and there.  Then afterwards realised he shouldn't have slept with you because he has another - guilt. May have blamed you for seducing him and painted you black.  As I learnt on this board they have reduced executive control.  They can't control their impulses.  A normal person would have stopped themselves, said hey I have an intimate other, I need to stop now.  Doesn't happen with BPD.  The important question here is why did you think sleeping with your ex would assist in any way with the goal of detachment?

Honestly he does have a replacement of course he told my sister it wasn't a relationship just dating but I believe differently.  Feeling the want and need to have sex with him again is a great question.  Honestly for many months I was hoping to recycle and give the relationship another try with the hopes of knowing now that he has BPD he would go for help and maybe it could work. He was the most loving man I have ever been with of course that was when things were good. I started to become numb a few weeks ago and when he contacted me I had mixed emotions.  Feeling like he was a stranger to me today I think helped me realize I have to let go. Sex was always great with us and today that wasn't even good everything is different. I don't think this set me back in anyway if anything it showed me there was nothing there after 4 years and I am holding on to a fantasy.