BPDFamily.com

Good Morning and Happy New Year !   I want to start by thanking everyone for their help even though you may not know you helped ( I didn't post much but read all of yours daily... .THANK YOU !)

Now with that being said, need some help and advice... .  Is it okay for me to still offer help?

I left- moved out- really left!  He isn't trying to get back with me and I actually think he has the replacement going already; however, we still do talk( text as he is obsessed with his texting!)  This man had been my best friend for  10 years prior to our "in crazy love "relationship ( and yes, friends... .still dont know how we actually changed our status, just happened )  He has quit drinking and quit drugs since our split and says he is trying to find himself and that was a big root of issues... .  He sounds good, sounds like he is really trying to get better.  He really isn't trying to get back together ... .I'm feeling like he is reaching to me the way he used to as I really was the only one who could calm him down... .  Kinda like maybe he sees me as his Mom?  I think he is so close to the possibility of getting help.  He wont stay sober, he will find an excuse but timing is everything, right?  He's a "tough guy " and has the reputation( biker, need I say more? ) so reaching to his boys isn't going to happen even though they really would help him- they're good guys... .   Do I help him? risk my heart or can I help him?  I think he may actually listen, I feel he wants the help ?  I know this man like the back of my hand and he doesn't mean to be evil... .    Am I okay to help him or am I trying to get him back?  I am in love , but he is violent and I know I cant go back... trust me, my family and friends wouldnt allow it !                                Any thoughts would be appreciated ... .       xoxo         

Hi LApak,

*welcome*

I sense conflict. Are you in T?

A r/s where one is a parent is not a healthy one. You want to remain friends. You love him and understand how unhealthy your r/s is.

I don't think there's anything wrong with remaining friends. Is this perhaps the wrong time? It sounds like you have feelings to yet work through.

Hi- thank U-  and yea... .I probably do.  And sometimes just saying makes U answer yourself ... .I do believe he could use my help ;however , I guess it's not my problem... .I worry soo much but when I was with him, I was scared, cried all the time and he most definately wasn't worried about that-    I think I answered myself ( along with your words) and I really need to worry about me... .Maybe I'm just trying to convince myself it's over because I would still probably melt if I saw him... .   It WAS  like being with satan sometimes after all.  Induced by him- 

I understand the addiction to drama.

Change comes from us. Change doesn't come from someone else. If he wants to change, it's going to have to come from him. His journey, his path.

Hi LApak

I tried the "be there to help" when my ex's sister died. It didn't work. He took it as we are back together and then when I put my boundaries up he got very confused and hurt. You are saying you don't think he wants to get back together but you never know what goes on in their crazy minds. For me I took my well worn path of rescuer, maybe those traits are surfacing in you too? In hindsight I would have been better to stay away and let my ex cope himself, but hindsight is a wonderful thing. I had trouble letting go, maybe that is where you are at too?