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Mine has the kind of friends that I would not want in my life, but got stuck with and am trying to get unstuck.  What about yours?  How do you feel about their friends?

Aside from one girl she knew from HS, she didn't really have any friends. She just used people and her "friends" were mostly guys she previously worked with at her various jobs whom i'm sure she had sexual relations with at one point or another.

My exBPDgf had no friends anymore. According to her they all did something disrespecting to her... .Yeah, well... .In her eyes I did something disrespecting to her as well... .

Same here, same here.

There were one or two that I liked but most of them I won't be losing any sleep over.  The majority of them are superficial, fake, and self absorbed.  Not people I associate with.  Which is probably why our friends never really crossed paths.  They never hung out together outside of late night bars or bachelorette/birthday parties.  They hardly ever did things like meet for lunch.  Or meet for dinner.  Or come over to hang out.  And when they did, my ex would constantly complain that the conversation was dull or they didn't really talk to her.  It's almost like if they weren't drunk or out somewhere, they didn't want to be around each other.  I guess friends is used pretty loosely to describe them looking back on it all.  

Friends? What friends?

lol I have to agree with this!  My xBPDh knew lots of people and was the life and soul of the party on a night out.  But he had no real friends except one who was just like him, but he died recently.  He always had a 'group' that he was friends with for a year or so, then they would vanish and he would be in with a new 'group'.  Nobody lasted with him.  Was it down to him discarding them or them seeing though him?  I don't know, but it always ended on a sour note.

Mine had one best friend but she lived over an hour away and they never saw each other but did talk often on the phone.  Apparently this best friend also has some PD issues.

Aside from that, she never really had any friends.  She chose to focus all her time on me. 

She is the life of the party and everyone loves her.  But really all alone in her life.

A bunch if waifs and strays, many if whom are either on the take, on of whom stole from her directly. Sadly, you inherit the friends who them borrow and don't pay back YOU! I don't keep in contact with a single one, almost all losers, one or two decent ones who saw her once in a blue moon.

Mine (an attractive female) had difficulty keeping long-term female friends.  Both her and her mother even mentioned this fact at various points.  I think mine simply couldn't consistently be nice for a long period of time.  Guys would stick around and tolerate her attitude and chalk it up as "high maintenance" or PMS.  Women wouldn't stick around for it.  Also, why would she want female friends -- doesn't seem like women would have much to offer her.  Finally, I don't think she wanted to have female friends who spanned multiple boyfriends of hers, because they might connect the dots and she would be exposed.   

Mine has no real true friends. She dropped out of high school in Grade 8 and never went back. She did end up graduating though through taking online courses.

She can't seem to befriend other women. And all her "guy friends" are either ex-boyfriends of just dudes she met off POF or Tinder. And you know what they say about either.

Mine has two friends,  one npd and one hpd.

She follows them around like a little puppy who they occasionally turn around and kick in the face.

The hpd chick came on to me once in front of her own boyfriend when we all went to the beach together. 

I always found those girls odd because they were both really attractive but were dating these guys with mullets who looked like they had never heard of a shower and were just utter loser. 

HPD chick was rubbing her hands over my body and giving mullet man grief for being scrawny etc,  saying she wanted a guy with a hot body :-/

What was even weirder was my waif seemed happy and excited,  any other time a girl looked at me I got crap for it but I reckon she would have let me sleep with her hpd friend and probably asked to watch it!

Man she was weird

Mine had all male friends pretty much. "Red flag"... but they were into drugs. But oh not her. Lol yeah right.

What I've found is that her friends have no standards, or, perhaps my wife has no standards in picking out friends.

Two of her friends offered to give me oral sex, one with her husband standing right there.  Of course my wife wasn't around when they did it.

Another one wanted to sleep with me.

A couple of other ones also came onto me.

I hated all of this.  My wife made her friends such a high priority (over me for that matter), but she couldn't see how they really were.  Well, she did say they were "fun,"  yeah, they were fun alright.

Mine didn't really have any friends either aside from his family.  And even those relationships were strained.  He did make a friend about half way through our 4 yr r/s and I was really happy for him to have a friend.  This guy did have some problems but he was pretty supportive and tolerant of my ex and his huge ego. 

I'm noticing a common thread here.  They either don't have real friends, or they have friends but they are into drugs and promiscuous. Certainly sums up mine's "friends".  I so want these a-holes out of my life forever.

Kind of wish I'd asked hpd slut and BPD ex for a 3some tbh.

mine wanted me to have sex with another girl, because she wanted to just watch.

Shoulda done it bro

My ex has one longtime friend from high school. He's a burned-out loser that lives on disability (scam) in his mother's home (he's 52 - like my ex). Also has a "sometimes" friend that is in his late sixties and sells weed to supplement his social security!  

Other than that - his spouse is his "bestie" and drinking buddy. Along with a huge extended family on her side that are all as  bat$hit crazy as him. It's almost like a cult. No one gets in unless thru marriage - and no one gets out !  

And the majority of them are losers... .

My ex prefers the superficial Facebook world to real-life interactions. No judgement or accountability in there !

That's exactly what my xBPDh has moved onto.  Must be a fantastic life!

no I was stupid. I kept asking how could she want me to do that if she loved me. Ugh

First.  Friends? Or people they know… and perceive, so call them, friends.

Well in exw new life, it seems exw is doing activities that were categorically refused in 30+ yrs… even with the kids. Seems to socialize with people from a social different (just plain low) background.

Exw has a ‘r/s’ with a retired old man, a 15 yrs. older, low social class (typical rebelling in early/mid 60ties, expressing it by ordinary tattoos, totally disgusting and contempt in those days).

Exw lives now in a nearby village, however visiting some events in my village. People begin to see her mask fall off… start to talk to me in a disgruntled way about exw. About her choice for such an old fat man above my family and me. So the ‘friends’ in my village are withdrawing, even with more speed now as that guy can’t socialize as he is UK origin and doesn’t speak (understands a little) the language… (my S refuses to speak to him in English too… his problem, not mine)

My 42-year old exBPD had no real friends. Only acquaintances. And the one person she did call her friend was in very bad shape herself, in more ways than one. No friends from childhood, none from college, none from previous jobs. Only this one sad, unhealthy person and a former (15 + year prior) exbf and his wife. The "friend" is massively overweight, limited intellectually, and a mean-spirited gossip. This is not to judge obesity, but in this case it might go to show how very unhealthy, physically and spiritually, this person is.

As I mentioned in another post, my former BPD is off in another part of the country making new friends. I'd love to see how that works out, but I'm out of the game.

That seems to be a common trait amongst her friends.

One of my buddies referred to them as "back stabbing bit... .s".

My 25 y/o exBPD s "best friend" was a 42 year old coworker of ours that cheated on her husband and two kids constantly and acted like she was 18 years old, constantly getting her nails or hair done or going out drinking with peope from work.    Her only other "friend" was also a coworker that had a couple kids ,  all different dads, one she doesnt have custody of, who exBPD let move in with her for as short time to be her roommate.    Birds of a feather flock together.  

 

What she perceives as friends, I would not. Her bf she has known since 3rd grade, never married, lives with her parents, when they are together its all about drinking and drama... .

My exBPDgf has zero friends.

She had a couple of fiends that she just never spent any time with... .one was pretty normal and got married but she/we never hung out with her... .the other one had a lot of issues and she was in touch with her more. Very negative with lots of rules.  

On the other hand I had lots of friends from work, from my past, etc... .It was a well-rounded international group, too! I/we saw my friends often and she seemed to like some of them and others not so much, but that was OK with me. I brought a growing well-rounded life to the relationship. Seemed healthy.

WHAT WAS I THINKING! LOL!  

You were not stupid. My ex offered 3some to her husband, lovers, including me. Of course I refused. Why would you risk a relationship which you're emotionally invested into for quick thrill? It is the lack of boundaries from their part.

In a nutshell, in 16 months of being together, I met her friends 4 times. Never did anything as couples unless it was my friends. Her background while married was one of priviledge, which allowed her to stay home those 15 years and take care of the kids. Her friends were all ritzy. Big jobs, big homes, big income. Me, Not so much. I have a nice home, make six figures, college educated, but Im a retired Navy guy with a bunch of tattoos. Anyway, I believed she was ashamed of me as I was not "upscale". Its the only reason I can think of as to why we did nothing much with her friends. When we did, I tried my best to fit in, Im not a wallflower by any means, but I was tolerated, not welcomed. The only constant was her BFF of 14 years who lived across the t from her and was just as toxic as my GF. Felt like this lady was living vicariously through my GF. Felt like I was dating those 2 at the same time. Funny, as my R/S with my gf circled the drain, so did my relationship with her BFF. Anyway, I was kept well away from friends and family for the most part. Its a shame no one took the time to get to know me, including my gf.

I think my uBPDx's relationships with friends kind of mirrored her romantic relationships; short and intense, and I know she shared intimate details about herself with these people when she barely knew them. In the 4 months we dated I only really met her friends once each basically. The two girls she seemed to consider her best friends were people she was only really friends with for a year or less I believe, and they rarely saw one another. If I recall correctly they started out as one of her many Facebook "friends" (she is one of those people with well over 1,000, which I'm starting to think may be a bit of a red flag) and one day she needed a ride somewhere and asked on Facebook if anyone could help her out and one of them responded and gave her a ride, so they became friends and she was later introduced to the other. I really don't know how much either of these girls really knew about her... .

The funny thing about her having so few friends is she tries to make friends with almost everyone she meets. When we were on vacation in Canada she befriended multiple male strangers she (and in turn, we) met at bars. When we went to dinner to talk about and finalize our breakup she told me that she was planning to go back to Canada and hang out with them. I don't think she ever did but that was a cool thing to throw in my face 

She also tried to be friends with her married male landlord. She hung out with him a few times and went canoeing with the guy, and then it abruptly stopped, probably because the guys wife found out or something. Just goes to show how she has zero boundaries.

She also told me this sob story about how she had friends as a kid but then in 8th grade she "got cute" as she says, and her best friend started spreading rumors about her and made everyone hate her. At the time I took pity on her and believed the story, but I'm really not so sure she wasn't deserving of everyone's hate.

My ex BPDbf is in his 50's. He only has one friend I'm aware of and met. During the beginning of our 4 years encounter (idealization), he introduced me to his BFF within 2 weeks of us reconnecting. We knew each other years ago in high school. Grew up and live in same small town.

We spent a weekend camping with his BFF and his girlfriend. She was very nice. BUT, after a few drinks they began letting things slip about my ex BPDbf... .Like, saying "Oh yeah, ex BPDbf and all his women! Lol" My ex BPD bf got all quiet and we never hung out as couples again.

He also kept me away from his 3 sons as well. We were together on and off for almost 4 years. He'd tell me he made plans for me to meet his sons and then "always" cancelled with an excuse or story at the last minute.

He's close with 2 of his sisters. 8 sibs in total! I only met 2 of the sisters and 1 brother... .one sister he lived with and we spent time in their shared childhood home. Met the other sister only by accident at his brother in laws wake. Met one of his brothers at his Mom's nursing home before she passed away. Again, by accident. He didn't know his brother would be there that day.

He kept his lives completely separate. That way information could not be heard, shared and lies and deceit discovered. To this day, I have no idea where he goes or how or who he spends his time with. I do know that he was "never" home or available to spend time with me. Always on the go. However, he has no interests or activities other than drinking and was always dead broke and poor! It still bewilders me! Or, perhaps he has that "many" other women and they are on some sort of rotation or visitation schedule! 

My exBPDw had one legit friend she could count on, and he was an ex-boyfriend.  To be fair, by the time they rekindled their sexual relationship, she was already sleeping with other men and women, so meh.  Also, he was a nice guy to me and kept it very respectful.  The ex, on the other hand... .

The rest of the friends just came and go.  It seems like the worse they treated her, the more she kept them around.  She ended up close friends with a couple of pwBPD she met through the course of her treatment.  While they obviously had issues, they were otherwise decent people.  Of course, she disappeared on them.  lol

It just seems like for pwBPD, if they can't use people to meet some need or hide their issues, they're useless.  And that's why they rely on their SOs so much.

Same with mine. 

Perdita,

" Friends" usually referred to people who my husband glorified as a hero nice guy one minute and hated the next.   Nonetheless, the more they used him and disrespected him, the more he kowtowed to them.  Strange dynamics. I'm not sure what kind of ' friends' you are stuck with but is it possible to make a clean break or must you slowly distance and detach from them?

No real friends for my dBPDexbf. Just one he started hanging out with 2 yrs ago. He broke that friendship cause this guy suggested he was NPD and advised him to get help... .  lol My ex ofcourse painted him black immediately. Funny cause he has like 900 FB friends but only his mom and the replacement like his posts!

Sad existence... .