BPDFamily.com

I would like to know what the probability of success is for people to recover from BPD. The disorder is so ingrained into their processing of everything that I can't fathom how they could recover from it.

The reason i'd like other people's input is because I didn't know about BPD until after i already separated from my wife. I was always looking for answers to the relationship problems but never found any.

And now my therapist says people can recover from BPD through therapy. But really? Can they? Sometimes what i really want is validation that i've done the right thing by leaving her.

I was with a pwBPD for 2.5 years (her mother also had BPD).  In addition to this experience, I have been reading a tremendous amount about BPD.

Like you, "I can't fathom how they could recover from it."

My BPD ex-fiancee was aware of her condition but she still couldn't control herself.  Her mother was in her 50s and there was no sign of remission for her.  I think your therapist has wishful thinking or maybe even just wants to generate business.  Perhaps therapy (like DBT) can slightly alter some of the behavior -- but in times of great stress I highly doubt it.  There are some stats on the Internet about how X% of people in DBT are recovered in 10 years.  I would think critically about these reports though.  First, they rely on self-identified pwBPD who were willing to do 10 years of therapy.  Second, they likely rely on tangible stats like instances of cutting, as opposed to things like black-white thinking.  Third, even after 10 years there is still a significant percentage that doesn't report recovery!

I wouldn't feel guilty for leaving her if she was acting out.  Were you in physical or psychological danger?  Do you have children with her?  Has she been dishonest with you (including hiding the condition from you until after you were engaged or married)?  Something to consider is that intimate relationships tend to be highly traumatic for the pwBPD, so perhaps you've done her a favor (at least that's one way of looking at it).

There's a general consensus that recovery can be possible, but it can take a long time and requires a tremendous amount of dedication from the pwBPD.  Treatment may last for years, but DBT has been shown to be successful.  There are obviously a lot of factors to take into consideration, the most important of which is the extent of the disorder... .but a steadfast patient and a qualified therapist can work to get the pwBPD on the right track.  

Whether or not they can or can't recover isn't always the most important question for us, however.  A better one might be: can we really live with the emotional roller coaster?  Some of us can, some of us can't, and some of us aren't really given the choice.

I would think it depends on the person and the severity of the case. I think most will never come to terms with the fact that they have a problem so that makes things more difficult. My therapist actually said they get worse as time goes on, which means the BPDx is on her way to becoming a serial killer or something of that regard because she's as bad as they come right now, even by BPD standards.

Well, it's kind of a complicated answer. Things that I've read indicate that certain types of therapy are effective. I want to say the figure I remember is a 70% recovery rate with DBT (I'm going off a cloudy memory, so don't take that number as gospel). BUT, it only works if the person is willing to go to therapy in the first place, which also means that person is willing to admit that they have a problem. It also requires the person with BPD to really, truly commit to treatment, and it's not a quick fix. It takes time, and effort. And the problem is, that effort can only come from the person with BPD. We can't do it for them, nor can we make them do it. It's no different than dealing with a drug addict. It's possible for them to get better, but if they never choose to get better, they won't.

There comes a point where our only choice is to keep going and accept their behavior, or walk away so we don't get pulled down ourselves. Just because treatment could work, doesn't mean you wife would commit to it. She's got to want it for herself. And there's not anything you can do to make her want it. You did what was right for you, and there's nothing wrong with that.

the real figures are not good maybe the impulsivity reduces over age an ten year time frames have to be looked at an also the defenition of recovery as well the raw figures can show 60% plus rates of remission (as opposed to recovery) but unfortunately that is not the real story

Some therapists,md s, or psychologists may claim high percentages of recovery.    Albeit with years of constant treatment on a routine basis.    There are many factors that would affect the possibility for recovery:  substance abuse, co mental problems, enablers, etc.    But really the main obstacle to any treatment is the BPDs themselves, they have no problem, its you lol.     

The first rule of fight club; There is no fight club. 

Yep, no treatment for my BPD ex fiancée because the problem was ME. He would never admit for one second he had a problem, not even an anger problem. When I told him we needed counseling he said it was the fact we got engaged and it stressed him out. He always had answers and outside influences that made him react a certain way. I guess he thinks if those influences weren't there (which would be life in general) then he would be normal... .?