BPDFamily.com

Can anyone give me some feedback on their childs stay at Falcon ridge Ranch in Utah?

Menninger in Houston

Center for Success and Independence... .Houston

I don't have any experience with those RTCs, jellibeans, but you may recall that lbjnltx's daughter went to Falcon Ridge Ranch, and she has a series about it, starting here:

Falcon Ridge Ranch Month 1 (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=120563.0)

You've probably read it already, but maybe another skim of it might be beneficial? (At least until others chime in with more recent experiences?)

I hope that things work out for you and your family 

Thanks Rapt... .I have gone and read it again and it is because of their success stories that I am looking at them again. I was just concerned that they will be able to deal with the drug and alcohol problems my dd has. I just really don't know right now where to go.

I was looking at Falcons Ranch website, but they didn't mention any type of dbt therapy. Maybe is missed it? All I saw was equine therapy. If anybody knows, could you let me know if tthey are set up to specifically handle BPD patients?

I haven't read all of the journal from the mother of the girl went there. Does anybody know how her child is doing now?

Jellibeans,  did you have any other suggestions for boarding school type facilities?

I am being directed to find a place that is dual DX... .meaning that they have a program in place to address the drug and alcohol issues my dd has. Falcon Ridge is a place I have researched in the past and have concerned a few times.

I am still talking to RTC and trying to find the right fit.

Well, if you can find an In-Patient Dual Diagnosis Program for her, you know that I would heartily recommend that. Someone with substance abuse/addiction problems as well as mental health issues would be better served in that type of program.

Have the Professionals she is involved with recommended something like that? My son's Out-Patient Therapist was the person most directly involved with his placement in his DDx Program, and she enlisted his Psych and the Hospital's Evaluating Psych to work with her to get him admitted. I really wish you well with this, jellibeans 

Here's hoping that you've found a spot for your daughter, jellibeans, and that things are working out... .

We're looking forward to an update when you have one 

I am sorry I have not updated... .yesterday later afternoon dd was approved for both program... .one at Menningers and the other a Falcon Ranch. I have been very busy trying to come to a decision and finally decided late yesterday to send her to Falcon Ridge and since I have been running like a chicken without a head.

There is so much to do and the paperwork is overwhelming. There are requirements for dress, riding boots etc... .the list is long. I also was making travel plans too and trying to to get that set which was a bit tricky since one passenger needed a one way ticket and the other was round trip.

It is probably good I am busy because when I think about leaving her I cry. Even though I know this is a great a wonderful thing for her at the same time I am hurting for her and the pain she is going through. I just hope I can get through this without showing her how upset I am. She is doing well and has truly accepted what is going on and hope she can maintain the attitude going forward when things are tough. I check her in on Monday and I will report back as soon as I can. Thank you all for thinking of me and giving of your advise and good wishes. It means a lot to me.

Things have drastically changed today. My H talked more to my dd psychiatrist and he recommend we talk to an education consulant. So my H talked with EC and we ended up meeting with her this morning. She made some discouraging statements about Falcon and put doubt in our minds. So we have decided to hire her and take an additional week to look further.

I am exhausted but I now have doubt. I am still looking for recommendations.

If the Educational Consultant doesn't work out for you or your daughter, can she still go on to Falcon Ridge? Would the "bed" still be available?

If she can still do that (if/when you feel less negative about it), or go to Menningers, then giving it another week of research, and working with a Professional EC about it, then I don't see the harm in continuing the search... .

How does your daughter feel about it?

Is she still willing to get the help, and being patient about the "hows, wheres, whens" regarding it?

Hang in there, jellibeans 

Remember first and foremost that you are looking for treatment for your child, not just a list of disorders.

Visit any place you are seriously considering before you decide on one.  Sometimes places sound good online regarding treatment options, staff, etc... .and it is whole differently story when you show up at the door.

lbj

lbj

I do think that is an excellent idea. Maybe I should try that and see. Falcon says there will still be a bed in a week. Maybe I should go this week to visit. It has been a very difficult weekend. Dd is depressed and was very disappointed the plans changed. I also have been very upset. I feel somewhat taken advantage of. I think these EC prey on families in crisis.

I called Falcon and told them what the EC had told me. One thing was a complete exageration and in my mind misleading. Someone who is giving me inaccurrent facts to get my business has already lost my respect to some degree.

Monday I bring dd in to have a meeting with EC. I plan on discussing the things she has said.

Be prepared before you go.

Ask for a list of references (past families who have attended the RTC and have agreed to speak with potential future student parents).  Spend the time it will take calling/waiting for calls back.  Ask these parents tough questions and be prepared to be forthcoming with the same information you are seeking (ie... .diagnoses, medications, addiction issues).  I vetted out several by speaking with parents... .many told me of huge hidden fees that would have jeopardized our ability to keep our daughter in the program for the necessary amount of time.  Many thought their clinical directors were scatter brained.

After you narrow down your search schedule an appointment time to visit the facility.  Request a meeting with the heads of each department (education director, clinical director, residential director).  When I visited Falcon there were 8 staff members who attended the meeting with me.   Ask if you will be able to have semi private conversations with the girls who are attending currently.  If the answer is no... .that's a red flag.

I did not use an educational consultant.  They don't know my child... .I do.  The educational component is important and not nearly as important as treatment.  Be careful not to put all your therapeutic eggs in one basket... .a mix is very good because where one method may not succeed there are others to fill in the gap.  That is one of the benefits of Falcon... .PPC, Equine, Music, Individual, 12 step, and Group.  If I had looked only for a true DBT program I would not have chosen Falcon.  My d did not progress in outpatient DBT.  A program that uses the basic precepts of DBT and applies them in real world scenarios can be just as successful if not more so.

God Bless

lbj

lbj... .you are a blessing to this board and to me personally. Thank you doesn't seem like enough to say but I truly trust your advise and wisdom. God bless you.

Are you going to have an opportunity to discuss the troublesome issues in private without your dd overhearing it?

My concern would be introducing dd to doubt, and negative issues that could possibly influence her overall attitude in this important time of decisions.

Just my opinion - you know the issues and your daughter best.

Yes pessim

We had a meeting on Friday and went into depth about our dd. I will talk with her again monday but I will not have dd present. I have also warned her not to discuss again thing that I have discussed with her about my dd. I do believe she understands that bringing up private info about dd would be hurtful and dd would not like that. Further I have told dd that she might end up at Falcon anyways and they we still like the program there so I have not put any doubt into her mind.

So my dd just told me she is having second thoughts about going away. She meets with the educational consultant tomorrow morning.

I am really unsure how things are going to play out this week but I am regretting not leaving for falcon ridge. I am trying to stay strong and we are going forward but I am wondering if she will agree to go. I am thinking about putting her back at school tuesday but I am now just unsure what to do

That's tough to deal with jellibeans... .Does your dd have a say in going or not going - does she need to consent legally?

In either case, if I was in this precarious situation, I would try my best to not let my dd know I was uncertain. I would act as calm, and confident as possible... .

I apologize if I was unclear in my previous post, I know you would go out of your way to be reassuring to your dd and not put doubts in her mind. What I thought originally was that the time itself is a risk factor (what you are experiencing now) and coupled with the possibility (now it doesn't look like that's the case) of her seeing that you and the professionals may not be completely certain or on the same page might give her lots of wiggle room and set her on her own trajectory of doubt and resistance.

I think you are doing the best you can, sending her to Falcon Ridge without checking it out would have been a risk, so please don't beat yourself up over the delay. You and your dd will be in my prayers. 

Today has been so long and I am sick to my stomach. We met again with educational consultant and she talked also with my Dd. We left after spending a few Hours there. The EC talked with her t and P she called late that afternoon and had her recommendations which turned out to be only one facility called viewpoint formerly aspen institute. We received the parent handbook describing the place. This is a short term facility that is used to access and stabilize and diagnostics  I will tell you they use a pretty strict level system I really almost became ill just reading the handbook. I am left in tears I have a phone conference with the admission person tmr morning we did talk to her tonight and asked a lot of questions. After getting the handbook her answers to the questions were different from the handbook one that I was concerned with was how often would I have communication with my Dd ? The admission person told us one week but the handbook said two weeks and even then it really seem open as to when I would be able to talk with her. There were other indiscrepancies and I am no closer to finding a place. Or I guess I know where I don't want her to go.

They feel she needs to go someplace for an evaluation with a ton of testing. I am not sure that is the course to want to take. This is very much a hospital type setting. Intense. I don't get the warm and fuzzy feeling. Oh and by the way they are still working on the schools accreditation. We are being told one thing by the EC and then find out that was not true.  

Help. I can't take much more of this sh@t

I rarely post hear but read often.  But I wanted to chime in and reiterate what others have suggested, narrow down your choices and then go visit if at all possible.  My 16 year old daughter is currently in an RTC in Utah.  Before sending her there I visited 4 places, including Falcon Ridge Ranch.  The place that was the top of my list before my visit was the one I liked the least when I visited.  It seemed like a quality place, just did not feel like the right fit for my daughter.  I could have been comfortable with any of the other three and in the end went with my gut feeling.  My daughter has been there since late August and I am very happy with their program and her progress at this point.  I did not choose Falcon Ranch but will say that I was quite happy with what I saw of their program when I visited.  It is a heart wrenching decision to send a child away, but in some cases it is the absolute best thing you can do for them.  Trust your instincts, if a place doesn't feel right for your daughter then stay away.  Nobody else knows your daughter like you do.

Thank you. Can you message e and tell what place you picked for your daughter?

Our EC came back with recommendations. I still have a strong like of Falcon but our EC is stronly discouraging us from attending. The reason our EC is so against Falcon is because they are under the umbrella group of schools called Red Rock Canyon schools. Some of there other schools have wide spread abuse. I have not found any bad reports of Falcon but I am still looking for anyone else with experience with Falcon.

The other commendations were for YouthCare, Sunrise, Elevations and Discovery Ranch of girls. Sunrise and Elevations both want us to do a Neuro Psych evaluation before we can be approved. Further delaying us probably another two weeks and even then she could be denied. I have looked at Discovery Ranch and it looks like a resort but have found a review that made me very ill from a recently released resident. It was detailed and horrific!

We are reearching these new RTC and trying to make a decision. Help

UPDATE:

Here is my advise for you all... .don't hire an Education counsultant... .they increase the stress a 100 fold and they do not give the support you need. They have their own agenda... .they have their own preferred RTC and they will push thoses.

they say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger... .well I feel like superwoman!

Today we have final made arrangements to have are dd go to Menninger's in Houston. She will get a new NeuroPsych Evaluation, intense therapy, and testing. We hope after this we will have a better picture of what is going on with our daughter. In the meantime I will have more time to investigate and vist RTC.

Menninger's has a very good reputation and I have confidence they will be able to help my dd. She will be admitted Tuesday morning and we will spend the day in oreintation. I pray someone can help her.

Praying along with you 

qcr

Jellibeans,  Sending you support hugs and prayers all the best mggt

Wishing you peacefulness between now and Tuesday and sending positive thoughts your way for a good outcome with your dd... .   

Wishing all the best to you and your daughter.

Being so far away in the UK I have not been able to offer any help but really praying that you have found the best place for her.

Just wanted to chime in as well --- I'm so glad you found the right fit for you and your daughter.

You've had a long, hard road, jellibeans.   

I am happy that you were able to find a place that you feel good about.  I think if we feel confident that a place can help our children then hopefully they pick up on that confidence and it sets their mind at ease also. 

How is your daughter feeling about this?  My DD was ok with going to residential treatment but was a nervous wreck the night before, didn't sleep at all.  I didn't sleep much in the days leading up to taking her because I was nervous she would either run or try to hurt herself. 

Sending positive thoughts and hugs your way

My dd is good with the decision but probally nervous as she doesn't like change. I am very confident that Menninger will give her the best care and help stabilize her and hopefully after testing we will have a new baseline and be able to decide what to do next. We are going topack this weekend so that should keep us busy. We will go the night before and stay in a hotel. Check in is 8:30 and orientation is all day. It has been a long rod to get to this point and we have many miles to go but I do think this is the right choice for her. Menninger works with her home school as well and there is a small part of me that is still holding on to her graduating this year but I know that might have to be delayed. My older d lives in Houston and I hope she can visit dd and they might be able to repair thier relationship.

Thursday was anothe drama filled day as her home school was not cooperating and wanted us to withdraw her and have her register in Houston. It was pretty upsetting to see how the school was not supporting us but finally the counselor talked with Menninger and all was worked out but not after a lot of needless stress.

If my dd was going into the hospital for an operation or some procedure the school would be helping and give it's full support. Why is mental illness not given the same support?

Thank you for your kind words and prayers. It really has been a long road but I am hopeful again and as long as we hold on to that I think we will make it.

UPDATE: Well we checked in our dd yesterday to menninger in Houston. The facility is so nice and the treatment team spent most of the day with us as they got the history of our dd and her struggles. My dd has her own room that looks a lot like a hotel room. They give her a cell phone to make calls to us in the evening. She is treated with kindness and respect. I like the place a great deal and I hope my dd opens up to the staff there.

I will update more once we have some answers. It was hard to leave her but knowing that it is a nice place it was not as hard to leave her knowing that she was going to be treated well.

   

So glad to see this, jellibeans.

I really look forward to your updates with how she's doing.

I was thinking about you yesterday and wondering how it was going.  I have heard good things about Menninger before and am glad to hear that you liked it.  Hopefully you will be able to take some time for yourself just to decompress, knowing that she is in a safe and caring environment.

Thanks Looking for answers for checking on me... .things are going good. My dd has been at Menninger for 11 days now. She calls most nights and is usually in a good mood but there are nights she is very irritated with the other patients there. She now has a roommate she likes and has settled in pretty good. She complains a bit about the place and wants to know when she is coming home but it is not to over powering in our conversations. She has her school work and has a lot of therapy and groups to attend every day. On the most part I think she is doing well. I sent flowers to her today and I hope that cheers up her room a bit.

We have a meeting on Feb 6th that is suppose to be results of testing and there DX etc so we are looking forward to that and hope they will be able to guide us going forward. I am really in a holding pattern right now. I am trying to rest as much as I can and really just take it easy. It feels weird not having her home and being on the go but I really think I needed this break. I was really running on empty and she was overwhelming us both.

I will update after our meeting next week. I have been happy so far with Menninger and I think my dd has liked the approach too which is less punitive and strict. Seems like a really kind and gentle envirnoment and I feel she needed that right now. I am trying not to see too far in the future and just wait to see what is said at the meeting. That can be hard for me because I like to plan everything out but I have been able to not stress so I think that is good.

Dear Jelli. So happy to hear your dd is doing well their .  Good idea to get some much needed rest all of us will continue

to pray and send positive wishes your way   

|iiii

While we are stuck in the middle it's hard to see how depleted we can become. Sorry it feels weird and hope you will do what you can to refuel and recoup. Glad you are finding Menninger's to be a good fit. Thanks for the update!

thursday

Jellibeans - what a relief. You put so much into the search for the next step, I am glad it seems a good fit for your D.


This is a powerful statement. Learning and then putting into practice tools for a "kind and gentle environment" has worked in my family. It is still takes a constant awareness of my own state to be able to use the tools with each individual in my life. I still get mad and either yell or cry. Especially with gd (yelling) and DD (crying). Dh seems to get my whining more than anyone else.

Getting some R&R while she is at Menniger's is so good for you and your family. Pausing to just look across the room and not into the future creates some rest as well.

I will be thinking of you next week and praying for a clear result from the testing, and that this will lead to a good next step.

qcr

UPDATE: We had our meeting with Menninger on Friday and they gave us their DX for DD. This was a long and detailed meeting so I am going to give the short version here.

Due to dd17 delays in language when she was younger they feel this set her up for her struggles socially. They feel that she has PTSD due to a rape in 7th grade. After this point is where her drug and alcohol use started and steadily increased over the years. They feel we are seeing more signs of her ADHD which has further added to her isolation socially and academically. She has anxiety due to her problems and some depression but they feel if she was able to get help the depression would not be an issue. Also she has a polystance abuse... .she is not addicted to one drug but simply is addicted to any and all drugs/alcohol. They also gave us results from her testing and it was very different from 3 1/2 years ago where her numbers were low and so was her IQ... .the new results now report her at the average range and are a good deal higher than the original testing. Even her working memory was a lot higher and it is believed this is because she is now drug free and the results are more accurate. So the results and the meeting really gave us a completely different picture of our dd. Rather than approaching this from a behavior standpoint we needed to be treating the underlining trauma that has driven her behavior.

They feel she needs to go to a young adult program specializing in trauma and drug/alcohol addiction. One that will prepare her for the furture and give her some life skills. Next week they will give us some recommendations going forward and then comes the hard part... .getting our dd to agree to go. that I see is the main hurtle along with finding the right place that will take her at 17.

I will tell you I was hopeful that she could come home and finish out school and enroll in an out patient program but they are fearful that she will simply go back to her drug use and same group of friends. I do think this was the right choice for sending her to Menninger and I do feel we have a new starting point. I was very surprised they didn't give her the dx of emerging BPD... .they did say she was at risk for developing it if left untreated.

So we are in a holding pattern until next week and I am worried my dd will not accept the help being offered. Our drive home last night was so sad. The thought of arriving home to an empty house was hard to bare. Trying to focus solely on what is best for dd and trying to put my feelings a side is hard.

Steps forward towards recovery are always positive steps jellibeans.

Let us know how we can support you going forward.  Having our kids in residential treatment is a blessing!  As parents we need to focus on that more than on how much we miss them.  The payoff for long term inpatient care can be immeasurable.  She and your relationship with her can benefit for a lifetime from the skills and recovery she learns and experiences.

Being separated from each other briefly is a small price to pay for a healthier future.



lbj

Thank you lbj

You are right... .this dx has given us a new starting point and that is positive. Getting my dd the right care is very important and I know that I have to put her needs first. I guess secretly I was hoping for a different out come and that she would return home. I am good today. This week will be busy getting a new plan in place and finding the right help. Thanks for your help and for everyones input and support. It really has been a long road and I feel better that we have a better picture of what my dd is struggling with.