BPDFamily.com

My intro Is I am getting scared. The judge asked today if he was on drugs because he was so bizarre and out of it  it seems more scarey when it is apparent to other people.

If the judge sees something and your spouse has been resistant to seeking medical resources then yes do what you can for the judge to order tests or evaluations.  The problem is that "Are you on drugs?" is a preliminary or simplistic question perhaps for the judge to decide whether to limit parental contact, etc.  Judges tend to deal with people as they are, they don't try hard to fix them.  Recognize that and if an opportunity opens for your spouse to be evaluated and assessed then that is probably a good thing and to be investigated.

Everyone does better with better sleep, it surely applies to people with BPD (pwBPD).  I've read better sleep helps serotonin levels.  There are an assortment of methods to deal with sleep apnea.  It would be good to determine if sleep apnea is a factor, but it's unlikely to be what 'caused' all the BPD behaviors.  And it is hard to get pwBPD to stick with good solutions, theirs is a life filled with erratic moods and chaotic thoughts triggered by a wide range of sensitivities us, events, holidays, situations, etc.

Does poor sleep impact the disorder or does the disorder impact the sleep?  It may be comparable to the egg or chicken dilemma, which came first?  As I noted above, courts usually don't try to figure that out.  If yours is inclined to look closer, fine, but be prepared to deal with your situation as it is, not as you'd like it to be.

Hi rarsweet,

Do you have kids involved in your legal proceedings? It sounds like you're in the process of divorce, but not quite at the beginning? If so, do you have any orders in place already?

Do you think your ex was actually on drugs in front of the judge?

I had a slightly different perspective when people started to react to my ex as though something was wrong. I found it gave me some strength -- I was always so worried that no one would see how disordered and sick he was, but the opposite happened. At every step of the way, people saw that he was very troubled.

How are you doing? Glad you found the site. Lots of people here have been through this and understand what you're going through. You're not alone.

Yes we have a baby and no he is not on drugs at all its his normal behavior it is so bizarre it seems like he is on drugs he is getting much worse his speech isn't intelligible like he mixes up the sequence of his sentences, mumbles,  he stops speaking in the middle of a sentence, he is hunched over, fidgety, no eye contact, if you question him he gets loud and he pants all the time can barely breath. That's why the judge asked

The mediator we had told me he didn't make sense, she couldn't understand what he was saying. It seems scarier to me now that other people are noticing it, its that obvious. Before we split up he didn't work or do anything with other people so no one really saw how he is, now that we are in the court system he can't hide himself.

What kind of parenting plan or custody order do you have in place for the baby?

The judge ordered alternate every three days in September we have been doing that since we have final hearing next month I be been breastfeeding too it is so hard I have to pump for three days and so scared hr is going to take off with her he isn't from here and hasn't worked in 18 months he has no reason to stay every three days the exchange gets worse he literally makes no sense when talks if I ask him to clarify or ask him if I am understanding him correctly he gets aggressive and this Is all at the police station.

Sorry typing from phone. This is literally a conversation... .he walks in the door with her and says "well she fought it hard the first day' I said "oh?' He says so we just played and played and um um" and I wait and wait and he says" she's really gonna kill it at the table" and I say " oh yes she does love to eat"  and he says getting agitated  "no sometimes she just sleeps a lot the first day" and I say " huh" then he is mad and says " sometimes she won't sleep for hours" and I say " ya sometimes she is too busy playing" then he says " when she is super tired and super delirious I um tickle her um right here and she gets um super histerical"  ... .and the whole time he is either talking baby talk or with an angry voice and breathing so hard ... .I record every exchange and his breathing is more loud than all our voices and the dispatchers in the background