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of NC, she broke it with a very short Email, that made no sense. only about one line. today I miss her more than I have in weeks previous. I figured that email (back in October) was just a test to see if I would respond, she basicly made a statment in the email, there hostillity in  the email's crypticness, I was the one that told her I would not contact her anymore in a text. I had attempted to be friends. it's funny how much DOESNT change after you breakup with a BPD person. there were moments when everything was the same except there was no "official" relationship. She didnt reply, but I know she read it. I miss the good times, wouldnt want the bad times back. don't know if I have been replaced or not. I guess it still hurts because if she hasnt tried it means she is fine. I know another DwBPD female, she said "did she want you as part of her collection?" I said yes she did, the second girl tells me "oh you will hear from her again, something is distracting her from you, as soon as thats over she will contact you... .its a thing we do"


Here is the weirdest part. I am afraid I will never see or hear from her again. I am also afraid I WILL see or hear from her again. I have even practiced what I would say to her if confronted with her. I had no idea when this started that anything could feel like this. I now know what it is like to ACTUALLY experience hell.

Gone, I hear you, I've been there. It's not weird at all, it is human.  What your saying about missing the good times is totally normal.


 I feel like we have to focus on ourselves to get through this , the FOG is the fantasy and it doesn't sound like that is where you want to live. For me I am lucky enough that when I step outside and feel the wind on my skin and hear the birds, I know that there is hope because those were things that I wasn't even aware of anymore while I was with her, too busy dealing with the mind___ of it all.  

Find the things that you love, I mean those things that get you out of your head, and do them for you and nobody else.

Be kind to yourself like you have been to her, you are not alone.

Thanks for the support. if I hadn't lived it, I wouldnt have  believed it




So true! I think this is the reason why it takes so much time to recover from this! Things that happened were so absurd and unreal that it leaves us flabbergasted and with a big dose of What the heck just happened? Maybe the situation was too absurd for our brain to really proces it and we went in denial during the rs, because it was just too weird to wrap our head around it.

Agree. Total What the heck. I find myself re telling these stories in absolute personal disbelief at the things She did.

I just wonder what makes them so cold? I broke NC (instagram pic) and said that I was glad she was happy with the new guy. Got a cold text back. Not sure why they cant at least be somewhat decent towards us. I didnt dump her. I know I stand a better chance of being run over by a car than to get a kind word out of her, but I just wonder why they are like that. Its just so very hard to understand for me. Anyone care to ponder on that?

They have sadistic tendencies. Why? It's a mental illness, don't try to rationalize it.

Man, they cant even fake the funk, can they?

I know exactly what you are feeling. I too would love to hear from her, and at the same time am afraid to hear frmo her. At least I know I will see her plenty when going out, but that doesn't make things better at all. And yes, it feels like hell. But we will get out of it eventually.