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My exGF had some wild ideas of what I should do if I ever cared at all for her, it was a if you really ever loved me scenario even after the break up.  Did anyone else have their ex try to  keep Your obligation going without commitments?  We were only dating and did not share children, She thought I would,

Keep food in her refrigerator so she does not go hungry.

Make sure there is oil for the heat in the house so she does not get cold.

Make sure she can get in and out of the driveway after a snowstorm,

Take care of her Animals if she was going out of town.

Check on her to make sure she is okay after any storm,

Do you mean to say that she expected you to continue to maintain these activities for her even though she was no longer in your life?

Im sorry but that rediculous. Bpd or not who would do that? I can understand the various phone calls or text messages asking for favors but this to me is over the top.

Yup. So far post B/U she's asked for... .

1. To fill her car up with gas

2. To bring her cookies

3. To borrow money

4. To file our taxes together and use Her as my dependent (LOL!)

Mine wanted to keep the keys to my house, along with the home alarm fob. I got them back the day she moved out, and then handed her the spare keys to her new car (on which I put the down payment to get her out) which I had been keeping my my safe. Her reasoning was, "in case there's an emergency." I felt like being snarky, though truthful, "then call 911 and have the cops break down the door," but I replied, "I don't need keys to your apartment so why do you need keys to my house?

Come to an apt with my psychiatrist so I can tell you how you have hurt me

NO I am not kidding you.

Absurd post breakup requests?  You bet.  There were a few, but here's the winner... .


Two months after she filed for divorce, she asked if I would get her pregnant. 

lol, pretty nuts, dependent on you to financially continue to support them, keep a door open for sexual encounters just in case, and let them dump some guilt on you from their psychologist.

Mine, not returning. No word since initial break up day. Radio silence. Busy fantasizing with the replacement.

Really do they not know what a break up means?

Not kidding!   She really told me and believed that a real man that loved her would still do these things!

I read your posts,  similar with gender reversal, I have crazier that I have not even posted yet!

I think paranoid PD!

I was not married!   But she did want a baby and at 52 I was actually trying,  test strips, herbs, medications, thermometers, three times a day,  phew!

yeah, that's MORE than just BPD

My ex had 4 kids who adored me and saw me as ther father figure I loved them to bits aswell and do miss them . My ex found a replacement within 12 hours she rang me at least 4 times not asking to still see the kids now we split up but demanding ! When I told her that I didn't think this was fair on them or me as it would confuse them and not only that it will hurt me seeing them whilst watching her move on with my  replacement and I'm not ther biological father her words to me were " your there dad fu**ing act like it ! I dont love you anymore so what's the problem I actually hate you now ! Breaking promises to them and ruining Xmas !"

Aswell as my ex being BPD there's a lot of Npd in her also .

Wait, are you saying that she continues to recognize you as their parent?

Both my exs expected me to provide for them. My exgf wanted me to pay her first months rent and deposit. I did this just to get her out of my house. It cost me but better to be out of pocket than have her in my house.

Its tough when you have kids with them. They try to guilt you and make you feel your neglecting your kids by not doing things.

Mine have wanted me to go and do diy jobs, money, pick things up for them, change access dates as they have plans with replacement.move their stuff out. The list goes on.

I dont know whether they still feel attached or just have a distorted sense of entitlement.

im waiting for the exgf car to break down and see if she comes running to me.

SplitBlack... .I feel for you bud. what a twisted painful place to be. As much as it hurts, unless you are Jesus (or other higher entity)... about all you can do is move away from that and save you. I feel for you and your situation. She is very sick.

WOW a mega black whole of self-centeredness.  All you can do is take care of you, move away from any contact with that, clear the FOG and heal! We support you. 

Thanks infrared I have moved away from the situation and not seen her or the kids since the split . Only time I have seen her for a couple of mins at most at a mutuel freinds house and spoken a coulple of times on the phone last time we spoke over a week ago she even mentioned it then and said " I gave you the opportunity to see the kids but you didn't want to as you are selfish and you have let them down just like there real dad ! "

I had made promises to them for this year taking them to Lego land etc and it does pain me letting them down as it's not there fault but they have had plenty of step dads come and go from there life but always said they liked me and loved me the most . Should of seen the    but believed her victim story's .think she's talking about herself here and is useless trying to explain to her again u reasons of she can't see it or understand it there's mo point as I would of only ended up JADE the phone call .

Yes that's exactly what she was suggesting !

Can I ask how the BU went down? Who left who?

She is totally blameless and wants to leave her children with someone they love (at your expense), so that she can immaturely run off with her new "catch".   She is attempting to manipulate your love and kindness with blame and shame... .Epic self-centeredness.

Well she was devaluing me for about two weeks before we mutuely decided to have a break (we were going to stay in touch as freinds) as I called her out on her lies mostly and I think she sensed anandonment at the same time as she was devaluing me then 3 days after we decided a break she rang me starting making false accusations down the phone at me ! I later found out by this point I think she had secured my replacement so it would seem she tried sabotaging it but I beat her to it I split up with her on the phone as I couldnt take her abuse any longer ! However she later told me that she had no intention of getting back with me later when we decided a break so technicaly she ended it but in such a way that she didn't burn her bridges but I runied her plan for me to be her back up ! That's why she so angry at me it seems lol !

Hmmmmm... .mine did the same... .she was heavily devaluing me at the end of the relationship all powered by the guy that I was unaware of.  Are you sure that your ex wasn't with this guy before you knew? That is classic BPD. Painful stuff. They rarely go anywhere without set-up supply... .they just don't have that kind of stability. Sounds like a possibility... .They are EXTREMELY cunning.

I've been in LC with her since the split and had very mixed signals from her I.e she rang me Xmas eve all upset and made out like she misses but didn't actualy say so . Another one of her calls last week out of the blue she said " I dont want things to be nasty between us I want to be able to get on with you " then in the same conversation mins later she said this " I will never forgive you I don't want to even be your freind you don't love me " please note tho that I never asked her for anything on the phone she just came out with it ! Plus she has left me unblocked on her phone for some strange reason ? I told her on the phone to delete my number but she changed the subject . I know things Arnt going great with my replacement and he treats her like crap ! I've gone NC been 5 now and she ignored my last text so staying NC .

No she wasn't seeing him before the split I know this 100% as my replacement is freinds with a coulple of our muteul freinds ( well my freinds now as she has fallen out with everyone ) and they confirmed it wasn't the case I think they had sent a few texts back and forth . Hence that's why she only wanted a break so she still had me as back up as she didn't know how well it was goin to pan out with my replacement she hadn't got her hooks properly in him at that point just turns out tho that they are together now but ther relaitionship is far from stable . I was even told that my ex was caught red handed trying to chat up my replacements best mate on a night out only 4 weeks in to ther relaitionship witch ended in a massive argument ! Lol unreal .

In my case it's more about what she doesn't do. Even though she was the one that left, she does not take any initiatives when it comes to divorce or financial issues regarding our house etc. She just moved out.

Also, when she moved out she took with her the only key there is to our house, so I can't lock it because it's the only key there is. I have asked her for the key, but every time ask she says she's got it somewhere else and will bring it next time we meet. I can't really afford to change the locks either.

That's proper naughty maybe she is keeping it as form of an attatcment ? It's strange it's like they don't let go compleatly my ex has still got a picture of me her and her kids hanging up in her front room . My replacement has to sit ther and see that everyday it's weird !

She keep sending me messages stating that she does *not* want to get back together, although I have never suggested that we would (and I am certainly not interested). She tells our daughter that she does not love me any more (which I think is more than a five year old has to know). It's like she keeps the drama going although I am no longer there.

Mine has told me the same although they are not my kids when I said no to still see them after we split she then slated me to them ! And told them I had abandoned them !

WOW... that is literally the most controlly thing I have ever heard of. Get serious and take the step to rekeying the locks. Have a frieNd stay at the house and then you can take the door knobs off and take them to be re keyed... .it will save you a ton of money over a lock smith house call. It should be relatively inexpensive.

Also, that action will say a lot without speaking. The current situation is unacceptable. Take charge.

You could always tell her to throw the key away as you have had the locks changed. She may buy it and do just that. She probably wouldnt want to try it out. Theres nothing stopping her from making a copy and giving your key back so changing the locks would always be sensible.

Yes!  Looking back on the relationship was always mean giving and her receiving, me doing and her relaxing.  A few months after the break up after all she has done to me she emailed me that she got in a car accident but she was okay, I told her I am glad you're okay that is good to hear and sorry about your car, then she said she is still going to go to the hospital for x-rays just to be sure and I said okay I hope everything turns out well,  A few hours later I get emails saying how I never cared about her and if I really cared I would be more attentive to her accident.  I reminded her that she told me she was okay and that's all I needed to know, I said we are not the relationship any more and anything outside of that is the responsibility of my replacement.  Then I got more emails about how I never loved her and never cared.  Later that evening I got another email from her asking me to just come up there and hold her,  she said IM sore and I just need to be held, I told her have One of the men in your Safetynet that you would not get rid of for me come over and hold you,  then she tried telling me that I promised to help her get pregnant even if we broke up and she thinks now is the time so I need to come up there and if I do not want to touch her that is okay I can make a donation in a cup but she would prefer a live load.    It was always about what she wants and I was never allowed to have any wants myself.

If you didn't have a child with her, I would be urging you to run as fast as you can... .thats just crazy.

She is THE black hole of self-centeredness.  I have never heard of it so bad.  If there were emotional police she would be arrested and put away for life.  Apparently, you have a child with her.  If you can I would get a T and also some legal advice and just detach and handle this situation in a completely business like form.  Not easy to do... .but that behavior is just not tenable by you. No way.

We never did have a child, and even though it is crazy its all true, I could not make this stuff up if I tried!  I am over six months postbreakup and have remained in NC since Dec 1st.  It's not easy for me to do because I remember all the years we were friends and she was so amazing, we actually got along perfectly, I knew nothing about this disorder before the relationship,  and I have my own codependent traits that tell me everything can be fixed so I have been fighting my urge to want help for this until now,  she is 52 and she has been like this for a very long time so I am not expecting any more that she would even want help or even if she got it that it would work, at least I learned about my own codependent traits out of this relationship so maybe it will not happen to me again.  A disorder is understandably a disorder but the further I am out of the relationship I can see this is just bat sheet crazy!

Sorry... .I misread that you had children together... .but that frees you up significantly... .the fact that she is 52 and like this does not bode very well for change either.

I felt the same way about my xBPDfiance'... .I recall just a couple of days before her disappearing act how happy I was with my life especially after a few years of personal problems. Little did I know that I would talk to her for the last time only a couple of days later and after two years, I would be split and painted black. Like your situation, it hasn't been easy.

Hang tough there friend.

Mine was not as crazy as these here, but he is not "so" BPD, just somewhere on the spectrum.


After we had split up (and it was final), I stupidly agreed to a plan to meet a month later for a coffee and a talk.  A couple of weeks before that, a family member generously offered to take me and my children (not his) on holiday with them.  I accepted and apologised to BPD asking if we could meet a few days later instead.  I got texts, emails, phone calls and a visit, to rage at me saying that I had f**ked with his heart, that I was a person not capable of loving, and that I had betrayed our relationship. 

We were no longer in a relationship.  AND I MUST STAY NC, mustn't I.

Thank you JRT,

IM doing so much better with the reality of all of this, I know I am not 100% over her or healed yet.  I was so deep in the fog during the relationship I actually believed I could make all these problems go away by loving her more and doing more of what she asks.   I guess it worked perfectly for her because she actually had me believing that it was me that needed to change,  if I had a few beers while doing all the work around her house then I was a severe alcoholic and the cause of our problems, I ride a motorcycle and have a few tattoos so that means i am a  "biker" (with a negative connotation on the word) and bikers are all scumbags so I need to change that, many other things to keep me feeling inferior and not worthy so I what do more for the "relationship" to make things better, I can see now that the only thing that existed in the "relationship" was her and it was not about US!  So she was only saying you have to do this for me, you have to do this for me!  

I look forward to continuing healing and maybe next summer find a nice woman Who would like to go for a ride on the bike and stop and grab a beer somewhere!

I had a similar situation with my ex.  I lived with her for 5 years and loved being with her and just like you and JRT once I was painted black behind my back there was this person in front of me that I had never met.  She is someone I do not know.  I do not interact with her in any manner, ever.  She has tried over the years. I it like dealing with a ticking bomb... .

I do not engage in any way in any attempt to contact me.  Unfortunately it feels like self survival.   As you guys know... .I miss that way it was and have to accept that that is just in the past.  Its a long haul.

Targeted... .your experience far outshines my repeated trips to the looney bin.  WOW!  We give you a group hug!  

WOW, she is 52 and wanting a baby with you donating into a cup post b/u? I know your not laughing but God this is one crazy chick

All that we all have put up with! We should wake up every day and feel not only secure with them, but that their presence in our life accentuates ourselves and makes us feel better about life than if we were all along, not the opposite.

Infared,

The exact same thing happened to me the very last day I was with her, this Beautiful petite woman with the most gorgeous face I have ever seen in my life transformed right in front of me into the most evil looking thing that I have ever seen, The person that I knew for almost 10 years was completely gone and replaced Buy something straight out of a horror movie. I think she know that night that I was done and not coming back and that triggered all of her abandonment fears

I think a baby for her soothes her abandonment fears because a child would be a constant and could not leave at least until they are grown up,  but yes, still a little crazy nonetheless.

Yes, that is what I want too. To be able to wake up and feel secure and loved. Not that love has an expiration and I need to be anxious and ready anytime to take flight. It is exhausting living that way.

Where are the NORMAL men?

The normal men are all here in this board!

I asked the same question are there any normal women out there?  You're right it is too exhausting, I know her and I really loved each other and it was real!  It just stinks that when she finally gets I love she wants she has to fight it off and run away from it. You cannot keep chasing after somebody who keeps running every time you catch them, it wears you out too much

Yes... .also... .Targeted... this person also occassionally acts out with her new supply in front of me to hurt me in an emotional way. We are talking years after the leaving and lies.  I can see the enjoyment on her face that she (believes) in that moment that she has total control over him and me. It is really sick to see someone that you shared your heart with acting in that fashion.  ... .but then if she is alone she will orchestrate this ridiculous accidental run-ins and try to walk up to me "accidentally" and she has this look on her face like everything is like it always was lets talk.  CAN YOU SAY PSYCHOPATH.  I just move away from her.   I cannot own any self dignity and play these games no matter how much I would like to resolve how I was treated.  I have to handle that on my own.

Tough stuff.

I do not see my ex at all or run into her, she lives about 65 miles away, so she really does not have the chance to throw a replacement in my face, I do not see her Facebook at all because she had me blocked there even while in the relationship, I know which shopping while she goes to so I never go there just in case, before I went NC The only replacement taunting I guy was she said she believes she found someone who will love her, I said good and I do not want to screw up your new relationship for you and we are done talking,  I know I probably should not look but it is reassuring to look on Pof and see that she is still on there all the time looking for a new victim, so much for the new guy huh?   lol

Targeted,

POF is such a gross site. It is for total hook ups so not surprised she is on there. I am moving 25 miles away in a few months just to get farther from my ex. I do not want to run into him and my replacement.

I did run into our jewelry guy who sold us the ring. I told him what happened and it's just all so embarrassing. Got too close and he ran for the hills and grabbed a woman on the way. He is such poison to me. 93 days and counting. The maturity level is so low... .

You are 93 days NC or 93 days after the b/u?

I know Pof is such a gross site, not only would I not put myself on there I would not go on any dating sites, but specially that one, you can just look without having a profile.  I will at a few other profiles just to see if I could spot a disordered person, I came across a profile of a Woman who had all the cleavage shots of herself and what she wrote about herself screamed PD!  All about how she was tired of loser men, she had a very hard life but appreciates it because now she knows and she really is,  she actually even wrote that her friends tell her that she is impossible in relationships because she has black and white thinking!  Along with all the great things about her?   lol. I would be willing to bet she has a pet unicorn and a couple of flying monkeys to!

After leaving 'her' house was asked if i was going to keep paying my half of bills rent etc?

and the classic 'can we be friends?' Dufuq... .you had no respect for me as a husband but you want to be my friend? maybe if you'd been a friend in our rel we'd still be man and wife... .

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