BPDFamily.com

I have been in a relationship with someone who has multiple traits of BPD although has not admitted he has it.

We have had the most incrediblly deep connection throughout our relationship of 14+ years but something seems to go off in a very negative way at which time I felel totally alienated from him.

He has now moved out and living in an apartment 45 minutes away and begs me to be patient  but feels he is going to die.

I am here because I need support and no one in my family or his including my 4 children have any idea he has BPD

I thought I was losing it and it was me but in removing myself and becoming an observer of my life, I feel I am correct in determining he has BPD and our couples therapist from a few years ago feels the same.

I apologise for this lengthy post, but I feel very alone and extremely sad.

I welcome any advice and support.

Thanking this of you who read this

Hi LovingKindness and  *welcome*

I'm really pleased you have posted your story on the boards and understand how difficult a time this is for you right now. I relate to your feelings of alienation and know that just being 45 minutes down the road can be a very tense and anxious time for you too. It's important to understand that you aren't alone in what you are going through right and that many people here understand your feelings of sadness 

It does make things tough when you are the only one who understands and don't have the support of other family members. Have they ever raised concerns about certain behaviours your SO might exhibit?

There are specific tools (communication, validation, boundaries, timeout) that everyone in a relationship with a person suffering from borderline personality disorder needs to master. People with this disorder tend to perceive the world differently than you and I, but there is an order and the rationale within that perception - it's not just random craziness as we might sometimes think. Our senior members on [L5] Staying: Improving a Relationship with a Borderline Partner (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?board=6.0) are very good at helping apply these principles to everyday life problems. The educational material associated with that group is based on the work from leading experts in the disorder

Your post is not lengthy, no need to apologize. Sorry you are going through this. But know you are not alone and there is help out there.

I am relatively new here myself and have learned a great deal about BPD. Read the post, study the lessons, and most importantly, take care of yourself. 

*welcome*

I hope you find the support here you are looking for! No one in my personal life can understand my dBPDh, either. Most of them are not aware of his condition, and the few of his family that do will say things like "Maybe it's something else" (he's diagnosed.) "He just needs to get outside more or take vitamin D"

Here, you will find all of us have dealt with similar situations, so don't hold back! The tools here DO work, you just have to apply them :)

Before I found this site, I also felt like I was losing it and maybe I was the crazy one rofl