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I know I should feel empathy for her but I'm struggling to - I still feel she took him away from me. I know she's been in love with him and it wasn't reciprocated til he wanted to leave me but I also know the ride she's in for

Has anyone ever contacted them?  My expbds girlfriend tried to warn me he told me she wanted him back and was stirring lol.  I'd love to chat to her now.

I would leave well enough alone.

Interestingly, she never tagged me in facebook photos nor would put my name in the relationship status area, she did state "in a relationship" though.

Always seemed odd, maybe it was her way to keep exs or folks that really knew her from contacting me behind her back with the scoop?

My ex cheated on me and ran off.

That being said, her relationship with him is none of my business. My ex was in a committed live-in relationship with me. She decided to betray me and deceitfully abandon our relationship. My business is with her. He could be anybody (unless he  is a good friend of mine or a relative which is not the case), and there is no reason for me to talk to him. I am not jealous or envious. He is under her manipulative spell... .I have been portrayed as the evil villain and he is the foolish rescuer. What fruit would I expect to bear by interacting with him.

He does not know anything about me other than the black paint that she has painted all over me and he believes every word of it.

What would be the point?

Nothing, I hope she ruins him, like really, really ruins him. She's doing a good job so far and long may it continue.

feel empathy? This a$$hole was (is?) cheating on his girlfriend with her and kept sleeping with her while she was back with me. So it seems like she may have met her match this time, good for them. I sincerely hope he's PD too so she'll get a taste of her own medicine. Do I want to know about it? Nope, not one word

I meant more in a what would you say in a vent to them?  I have no intention of contacting her - she will get her karma for taking him!

Good luck.

Honestly if I ever encounter my replacement I will be calling him out to fight him, I know it may sound immature but he disrespected me as a man by knowingly moving in on my girlfriend when she was in a commited relationship. I do not forgive, or forget, and if I get an opportunity we will settle things the old fashioned way.

I have seen him twice but both times I was at work. If I see him in my private time, i'll be challenging his manhood.

My replacement is a loser. A low level drug dealer without the basic skills to make his way in society like the rest of us. And now he also has her to contend with. I don't hate him but I have no sympathy for him either. If I ever did meet him, and that's highly hypothetical, I would probably say "you are playing with fire".

^^^^X1000, I agree with this.

I'm not the jealous type. I never told her that she couldn't go out. I never really checked up on her until the schit hit the fan. However, after the cheating and lying I did get jealous to a point. But that kind of passed quickly. I thought of all sorts of revenge on new supply, but what's the point? They may or may not suffer our fate in the relationship. But one thing is for damn sure. It ain't gonna be easy and they have their work cut out for themselves. Just let them live in their own miserable world.

I think you miss the main point.

He chose to go.

It has nothing to do with her.

Our replacements are in most cases as deluded and in a thick fog as we once were. Some of them may hate us for the BS they've been fed by our exes but they'll get wiser. I see no point in challenging them over anything.

Not only immature but overtly narcissistic. I almost did the same with the guy she was cheating on me with, while she was actually lying to both of us, living a double life. I hold no grudge for him, appereantly had his own problems like we all do(who would have offered his house to move in after a few weeks of online dating).

Our "manhood" and self-esteem was challanged by ourselves when hooked up with someone capable of breeching every boundaries.

Mine never did either. One more way I was made to feel insignificant.

To answer the question: Nothing. They are in honeymoon phase so its all sunshine and lollipops. He'll figure it out. Not my problem anymore.

Two words:   NO REFUNDS!      :)

For a challenge on manhood I offer anyone who thinks they are up to the task a dose of BPD relationship. Who walks away away that game unscathed wins.

What made us think in the first place that we have take up that "task" with someone whose core values and belief system goes entirely against ours? "Manhood" should mean more than a "stake out a claim" to a particular space, area or object.

I would think 'good luck'. I have no idea if she has a replacement or not. I suspect she has.

But I wouldn't say anything. My ex'es life and her relationships are no longer my concern, nor my business. As are mine to her.

I wish the both of them the best whilst I enjoy my life free of that nightmare.

It's a crazy cycle that leaves so much destruction to everyone in the path.  You feel for the next victim, but really what can you do?  If you contact them to offer help you will just be made out to be the crazy stalker ex.  Double edged sword.

Well, there's been about 4 or 5 replacement "boyfriends' in the 2 1/2 years post breakup. I would tell the latest one that it would be in his best interest to get a paternity test to make sure that the latest of the BPDx's 5 babies is his. I really feel bad for this guy as i'm sure he's being abused in the same fashion i was. He may even have it worse as he has to watch all her kids constantly while she bartends overnight. That whole situation is a recipe for yet another disaster.

At first I wanted to go over there and confront her. She called my home at 2:30 am laughing, drunk and claiming to be my twin. She caught me off guard and I hung up then didn't answer the next ring. Unavailable number. I was in so much pain then and still in shock from the initial b/u just days before. She was ... .my fiancé. What class. I wanted to seek revenge. But, why stoop down to her level?

She will experience the idealization phase, then clinger, then hater too. It will happen. She will get to see what it is like to be on the receiving end of his rages, mood swings,  controlling sex and think this is love. She will go through make up and break ups and feel pain.

After getting involved with a man in a commitment relationship I say she deserves all of this. I want no part in it. I just want to get healthy.

The point I'm making is that the member (Infern0?) talking about challenging his replacements manhood need not bother as that is being done for him by his ex.

I think a lot of people have misplaced anger towards the replacement. If the BPD person you were involved with is anything at all like the one i was, anyone given the "boyfriend' label is pretty much a good hearted guy that's believing her stories. I know this because that used to be me. I used to have anger for the guy i replaced. I remember thinking "if we ever exchange words i'll teach him that what he did isn't how you treat a woman". In retrospect he was just her first real victim. She trapped him with two kids while he was still in his early 20s. He ended up getting custody of them and is raising them as a single dad. Not a bad guy at all. The problem is and always will be the BPDx as the amount of chaos she causes wherever she goes is unprecedented. The things this woman has done are truly unbelievable.

That however is just who is given the "boyfriend" title. The BPDx can not be with one person and most surely has casual sexual affairs. Those affairs are reserved for the guys not so good hearted guys who she knows would never entertain the thought of settling down with her and her million kids.

Very true Clyde. Most of us here were replacements once.

I think this blog I found some time ago fits the topic well. Its written by a woman so she talks about "he"... .Can be "she" as well ofcourse.

As far as my replacement...  She is the woman he cheated with. When he ended things with her she started stalking me, teamed up with his ex wife to begin a bullying episode against me. She posted ___ on FB, send me messages talking about he's NPD, he's cheating with other women too, blah blah blah. I never responded. The second we were broken up, they were a hot item and all over FB. The ex wife was furious. All a bunch of triangulation drama and BS. My life is so peacefull now. And they deserve each other. I do always enjoy reading this blog though:

www.heartless-b___es.com/rants/manipulator/special.shtml

Most of the posts that I read indicate that there is a replacement often secured or even before the b/u or is found quickly thereafter (once girl that I dated found one on the last recycle only moments that I broke up with her while with a group of friends at a bar many years ago. She danced with a guy there, eventually married him and is still married 15 years later!).

This one has a tendency of sitting it out between relationships for a while. On past recycles, she was very emphatic that there was no one else and even though she had proved to be a very skill full liar and actress, for some reason I believed her. Does not having a replacement disqualify her from being BPD or is she just a different flavor? On top of this, she didn't act out at all. There were never any arguments or disagreements, only during breakups.

I would say, ":)on't walk away, RUN! You won't believe me now, but fairy tales are NOT real, he is not Prince Charming. Six months or a year down the road the fairy tale will turn into a nightmare. You'll regret the day you ever met him, heard him call you Babe or Baby, or uttered the vile words and empty lie... .I love you... .You are the love of my life!" 

Keep the *itch.

Just a month ago I reached out to me replacement. I loved my exBPDgf (Or loved the thought of having a happy life with her). I've known all her exes and her very well that I saw both sides of everyones stories. When I finally became the rescuer, I thought I had all the information to make things work, but I found out the hard way, just like everyone was warning me. I ignored them and became codependant until I had enough.

I said to my replacement: "It's nice to meet you, I just wanted to reach out to you to let you know that I'm happy that you found her. Shes sweet, beautiful and charming, but you are now just getting the best part of her. Keep doing what you're doing to make her happy. If you ever feel emotionally, physically abused, confused and you witness large amounts of alcohol consumption ( Stay away from alcohol as much as you can!) feel free to contact me anytime if you have questions or concerns. I'm not here to ruin whatever you guys have started, I just wanted to reach out to you because I had to go through lots of therapy just to try to make our relationship to work and I didnt want it to happen to anyone ever again. I hope everything works out with you guys and I wish you guys the best, take care of yourself"

The replacement replied and was quite upset saying it was insulting and that my failures in life were a reflection of my decisions. I lost respect for him when he said ":)on't worry about me Bro!" lol

Now heres the thing that bothers me often. This guy has more money than me, very successful and loves the same things as my exBPDgf. I constantly wonder if she changed her crazy ways for my replacement since they're alike and seem very happy together. Only time can tell. They are in the honeymoon phase now, so I guess im waiting until they break up to validate what Ive been trying so hard to fix.

We are here to support one another here but I have to tell ya', having told him that, you are very lucky that he didn't attack you.

I don't know anything about my replacement, or even honestly if I still have one, although I can't imagine that he's actually single. I know he was dating someone a few months ago, because he made a point of contacting me to tell me, but it's not been discussed since.

I can't imagine what I would tell her that would make any sort of difference. And he's very self-aware and open about his issues, so if she's not going to listen to him, then I don't know why she would listen to me.

I want him to be happy, and maybe one day he'll find a woman with whom he can achieve at least some measure of peace and happiness. I don't think it would be fair of me to try to step in the middle of that.


My exBPDbf is the same way. Girlfriends (and wives) are the good-hearted gals. There's also a stable of casual sex partners, ongoing through all the serious relationships. But casual sex partners never become girlfriends, and vice versa.

hope you live

I feel That it was totally inappropriate for Shibuyah a to contact his replacement and say the things he said. Very unhealthy. There just is no point to interactions like these and it shows that the person making contact is not healthy. Nothing good can come of that. It's just my opinion... .and I thought that I would express it.

Response to question posted. Good luck with that. Lol! WOW! High five bro. Did you like sloppy seconds? Buy me a beer. Don't whine.

Well I actually did have a discussion (one sided) with my replacement. My situation is that I was married 18yrs and my replacement was a family friend (or so I thought) who also happened to be my neighbor from across the street.

Long story short I went over to see him to discuss how him and my X were hurting my kids.  I did most of the talking. After I mentioned how they are hurting my kids I took the opportunity to warn him about my X and her lying about being abused by me and her family. I even warned him that she said the same exact things to me 20yrs ago about her then boyfriend. I could tell it was falling on deaf ears just by the look of disgust he was giving me (he's in the FOG). I told him he was warned and that's the last I'll ever talk to him again.

When I left it hit me that I seen that look of disgust before... .It was the look I had 20 years earlier when my X's boyfriend approached us in a bar. I remember thinking what a loser, he beats on his girlfriend then has the nerve to stalk us and tell me to leave her alone so she can make up her mind. I'll also never forget that look of bewilderment the old boyfriend had. He was obviously in shock at the sudden turn of events that my X had put him through and he was now finding out that she was telling horrible lies about him and was running around with me. No doubt my replacement must have seen that look in me.

I'm actually glad I did speak to my replacement. He was a family friend so its a different dynamic than most here. I felt good telling him he should be ashamed of betraying me as a friend. I was nothing but good to him and his kids. I told him that he knew me and that he should have come to me when my X approached him with these lies. I'm also glad I got to stick up for my X's family as they have been nothing but supportive of me and even stood up for me to clear lies that were told about me to others.

I just wish I would have added one more thing when I talked to him... ."Thank You, Thank You, Thank You for getting me off the Hook and out of the FOG! And here's a link to BPD Family... .You're going to need it someday. I only hope for your sake that day comes soon for you my Old Friend".

MWC... .*)

Pity. No replacement yet this time. I wouldn't say anything just feel sorry for the poor guy.

I too talked to my first replacement The first time i heard his voice when my ex had rang me to try an exort money from me he called out threats including that of putting a hit man on me ( I was a little worried as at that stage i only new he had been a collector for a bikie gang at one stage I later discovered he had a broken leg an a bypass :) 

He rang me about two months after that a shattered man he said he hadnt slept for three days and was worried she would stab him After he had related his story i asked him if he didnt think something was up with the stories she had been telling him he said he took her face value ( sigh ) she had swollowed a bottle of pills smashed glasses across the floor and walked over them and was currently in hospital she had slashed her arms 13 stitches about a month before an after that he had taken an avo out against himself because he had strangled her before hand ( it was indirectly because of the first phone loong story )

anyway she was in hospital I helped him because she was the mother of our son and i was caring for her two girls ( an still am ) while she was crazy thought i had a breather an her brother and father tried to get her commited while she was in hospital she released herself because they couldnt nhold her an she tracked him down he rang me again this time to tell me she tried to run him over yada yada anyway got him out of there with help of exs brother when she discovered he left she said he'll be back amazingly two weeks later he was finally heard from mediator who negotiated a nc breakup between them that the last thing he said to him was "thank God I escaped " so its not all wine an roses for the replacement 

Just "Thank you".

It's because of her that I was able to get him to agree to the divorce terms without a hitch.

I'm sure he was focused on her financially and emotionally... so again I'm thankful.

Married for 16 months to that man was some of the worst moments of my life, it's over now... over year has passed and I'm so much better off.

I'm with a man so different, so wonderful. I can't believe the rock bottom I was at and where I'm at now.

Thank you God.

L

As emotionally difficult as it was to get through the recovery process, I made it!

As for my replacement, I would say a huge thank you to him from the bottom of my  for distracting her so well while I healed.  I have no clue what is going on with my exBPDgf, and I like it that way.  Whatever is going on in her life, I'm sure it's appalling.  It's amazing how the passage of time gets you through this. 

For anyone out there just starting out on their journey or doubting themselves there is a better place waiting for you just keep the faith and stay on the path you're traveling.