BPDFamily.com

Hello everyone its been a while since I posted but felt the need to share and get something off my chest.

I had been NC for almost two months. There was one email I ignored. On xmas day as k was cooking for my family I got an email. It was a lucid adult heartfelt apology that stated she still "felt" love for me and she didnt want us to be enemies, how she had her things in order. I replied with a thank you and merry xmas. 90 minutes later profanity laced death threat number one. In the following days I got six more.

Pure and simple there can be no civility with these people. They do not have the ability for mature rational thought.  My advice to any of you trying to be civil or friends is dont. I have tried to be a civil adult since August to no avail.

The threats killed the last of the sympathy and compassion for the woman I once loved.

I can definitely relate. My ex thrives on getting the last word in while insulting me at the same time. I wanted to end it on a friendly note without us hating each other but he always takes it to the next level. I have found first hand that its impossible to be civil.

That stinks to hear Whitey. It has to be really hurtful to read something like that from a person that you really cared about. But I think you did the right thing in simply saying "Thank you", and wishing her a merry Christmas. Just because she can't act like a mature adult, doesn't mean you shouldn't. I think its important that we don't let ourselves get dragged down to their level, rather rise above it.

Now being civil doesn't mean that we have to be friends with our exes, or maintain contact with our exes, or even respond to every single attempt at reaching out to us. If it's going to cause someone to get hurt, the civil thing to do is not engage (and unfortunately in a lot of cases contact with our ex will inevitably lead to either us or them getting hurt). But sometimes we aren't given a choice, or it's simply the right thing to respond. In that case, I think we aught to try and be polite and civil. When we let someone else drag us down, we're giving them power in our lives. We are letting them affect our actions. I think most of us are better than that, and we shouldn't let someone else ruin that for us.

Who we decide to be, and how we choose to live our lives is our choice. If someone wants to act like a jerk, that's on them.

I agree. The closest thing to civility with the BPDx is not talking. Unfortunatley i had a child with this woman. The only way to maintain the peace is to have her mom be the intermediary between the two of us. I am no longer her doormat and let her know exactly what i think of her as often as possible. I am not afraid of her anymore.

First of all, are you ok? Are you taking any action on these death threats? I don't know what your circumstances are however this is not ok. I got those too, in actuality, someone was sent to my house. These are traumatic experiences for most people, which is why it's against the law in most places. I got a restraining order fairly quickly and that ended the threats.

Thanks for sharing.  I also received a death threat.  Receiving a death threat from someone you love (and who has supposedly loved you) is traumatic beyond what I can describe in words.  Hang in there.  You are not alone.  I agree with your conclusion -- you cannot be friends with these people.   

My goodness I am so sorry to hear that Whitney . I know it has nearly been a week but how are you feeling now?

From what I can see these threats are impulsive and more often completely empty but do take care and surround yourself with supportive people and energy.

I too received death threats from my pwBPD. Well, I call them death threats because it seems to be the simplest way to explain them but they were more complicated than that and got right into my psyche; it was properly frightening. It was just after my ex and I broke up (whom I am beginning to realise had narcissistic traits himself if not a PD), I was extremely vulnerable, already struggling with anxiety and severe depression so an added emotional, and confusing/unjustified, break up really knocked me for six. I was very close to the edge, self harming, becoming withdrawn and actually acting rather crazy myself.

Mine and my ex's friend with BPD (who is now his new gf) began to 'console' me and would tell me to call her if I 'needed anything' and to 'NEVER harm myself'; it apparently 'scared her' and she didn't want anything to happen to me. 'If you EVER think of going for the razor, or you feel like you are tipping or going to do something dangerous, call me straight away!' she would say. What happening every time I tried to called her? She would ignore the call. Either let it ring out and never pick up or hang up without answer. When I found out my ex was seeing someone new after only 8 weeks I was a mess, text her saying I needed to talk to someone desperately as I was in a really bad way, no response, because she was likely lying in bed with my ex at the time.

It was some messed up $h*t to say the least. You have got to be sick as anything to think that that is ok. Luckily I found the strength to drag myself off the floor and get on with it but I don't doubt there are some people who would have attempted suicide if in a similar position. She made me feel so alone, crazy and worthless.