BPDFamily.com

Hello all. I am trying real hard to keep my chin up. Saying , doing everything I can to show her my love. Gotta say I am receiving very little, if anything in return. Not going to lie. Its discouraging and wheres the hell out of you. Anybody try this? Any success? Or do you think this approach may be pushing her further away? Trying like heck to stay off the undecided board but this does not help... ughhhh...

I'd like to get more details on this... .but I'll say this much.

For a period of time... several months... .will most likely be best to focus on "receiving stuff"... from other places.  Don't look for it in your r/s.

Focus on getting yourself emotionally healthy... .focus on reading lessons.

Try to figure out what your role is in the dynamic of the r/s... .do not focus on her part.

Why?

Well... .it's because you can change your part... .you can't change hers... .

If you change your part... .most likely... she will be forced to change hers...

Hang in there... .give us some details... .

One of the things I have learned about being in a BPD relationship is to not expect anything.  Don't expect reciprocity from her or even acknowledgement for kind gestures.  If you show her your love, do it because YOU love her and because it is the right thing to do.  If you expect anything in return from her, I guarantee you will feel resentment.

Yes, it's very discouraging.  And yes, it is extremely exhausting.  Once you quit focusing on getting a different response from her, the discouragement and exhaustion will lessen.  Keep the focus on you and what you need to do for yourself.

50/50 type balanced relationships aren't really possible with people who have BPD, at least until they have received tons of therapy.  I suggest learning to find emotional validation in other means - learning to soothe yourself though hobbies or exercise, thought family members, individual therapies, or friends.  My friends and family have been quite valuable in keeping me grounded.