BPDFamily.com

Quick background:  5 months post breakup with BPDgf; good days and bad days but seeing small, steady improvements in my emotional well being over time; miss parts of the relationship but no temptation to contact; trying to reconcile the awful times with the good times.

The dilemma: Although I will not seek out contact with my ex, I think that, at some point, it will happen because of my step daughter.  College graduation,  a marriage, a new baby... .I may eventually have to deal with seeing her again.

I've come to realize that the side/part/mode that kept me hooked for soo long in the r/s was her vulnerable/childlike/innocent/frightened side... .brought out rescuing behaviors in me that I wasn't aware I even had. Part of the reason I am hoping it is a LONG time before I see her is because, if that side of her comes out, I'm not sure that my boundaries would remain strong.

So my question:  if your s/o had this "side" of them, how did you resist being drawn in by it if you saw them again?  

My expwBPD called today to tell me her mother, a woman, I am very close to is in the hospital.   I asked my ex how she was because her dog died this week too.  She responded she "is not right in the head" but work keeps her busy.  Last month, she said something similar and the month said she didn't know what normal is.   She has been with my replacement since May and has been calling me since July.   I don't know what to think.  I first fell in love with her because of her vulnerability - classic rescuer.  To be honest, it has been hard to be away this week because I miss being there to "rescue" her when she is having a sad time. 

I have learned a lot about placing a priority on my needs, my dreams so I would hope I can continue to just be a supportive friend from afar.  When I get these calls, it is hard but i also find i recover faster, especially since I only look on FB a few days a week and really limit what i see of hers.  Oh, by the way, interesting that today she asked me if i had been on facebook this week.  I guess she is noticing. Hmmm

I had a huge shift in my thinking after listening to Dr. Brene Brown on Ted TV. You can also listen to her talks on YouTube. She has three talks on shame and vulnerability, each is about 20 minutes long. After listening to her I understood where my ex BPDs behavior is rooted and my own behavior. Once I understood how shame and vulnerability affect me and how I live my life, make decisions ... .my whole outlook and life started to change. Check it out. It was an eye opener for me.

Thank you - I will!