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Title: Would you tell your replacement about your BPD-suspicions when they ask you? Post by: Maternus on January 18, 2015, 05:35:54 AM I know it's a bad idea to contact the replacement and tell him about your suspicions about BPD. But what if he comes up to me and asks "What's wrong with that girl?" I don't think that will ever happen, but when i did, what is the best way to react? Say nothing and let him find out himself or tell him to catch up on BPD and how it affects relationships?
Title: Re: Would you tell your replacement about your BPD-suspicions when they ask you? Post by: Trog on January 18, 2015, 05:48:07 AM If someone asks me I will give my opinion. But until then , I. Assume they have exactly the same life lessons to learn as I did by getting involved with her and they need to go thru it. If they're savvy to it and asking, sure, tell the truth as you see it.
Title: Re: Would you tell your replacement about your BPD-suspicions when they ask you? Post by: rarsweet on January 18, 2015, 06:53:15 AM People tried to tell me and I didn't listen I even had my aunt who's in the medical field tell me she thought he was manic and I didn't listen.
Title: Re: Would you tell your replacement about your BPD-suspicions when they ask you? Post by: Leaving on January 18, 2015, 09:08:40 AM Most people don't listen unless they truly believe that something is pathologically wrong. When my stepfather divorced my BPD mother, he did tell me that she was ' nuts' and that he was very concerned about the affect she was having on me and my future. I did believe him but simply didn't understand at the time that her insane personality was BPD and therefore, I was ignorant about behaviors and long term damage to me and my brother.
If I were in your situation and someone came to me and asked me what was wrong with my husband, I really don't think I would go into any detail and perhaps I would just say something like, ' Well, if it isn't working for you, I suggest that you heed your intuition'. I spent years trying to tell people that something was wrong with my husband only for everyone to think I was the one who was nuts so, I'm not willing to put myself in that position again by telling anyone that he was nuts or badmouthing him. People just can't understand the truth in that statement unless they see it with their own eyes. The bottom line is that whether someone is nuts or not, no one should be in a relationship that undermines their happiness, health and security. Title: Re: Would you tell your replacement about your BPD-suspicions when they ask you? Post by: CloseToFreedom on January 18, 2015, 09:31:22 AM I had people tell me she was 'high maintainance' and 'a bit of a b___'. I didn't listen. When my parents first met her, afterwards they told me they thought something was off with her, and that I shouldn't become too attatched. I didn't listen.
So it's no use. You have to make the mistakes for yourselves. If her replacement would ask me, I would tell a watered down version of my opinion. Something of the like: "I've been where you have been and I know the love bombing is intense, just remember that this might change like the flip of a switch and if you are in too deep by then you're going to get hurt. But maybe this time its different. Good luck." Title: Re: Would you tell your replacement about your BPD-suspicions when they ask you? Post by: BrokenFamily on January 18, 2015, 10:18:48 AM I didn't and it didn't end well... .Prior to the breakup she chose my replacement carefully, he is very shy virgin who never had a serious girlfriend and has very low self-esteem so he is very easily manipulated by her. I gave him all the information because the signs were there (instant love, she totally abandoned me and our daughter after 4 years and she has difficulty with her temper and all her relationships. I even pleaded with him stating my 18 month old daughter should be a higher priority to her then him and his existence is hurting a little girl. Despite his seeing the signs and knowing he ruined a happy family he didn't care. Having a beautiful girl interested in you for the first time is a powerful incentive to look the other way. He will learn in time but I fear her temper and moods will be less frequent because they live with his mommy and sister, she never really explodes around others. It's been about 4 months now and with the holidays and the excitement of a new relationship they are probably content but I'm sure eventually she will see him as the unmotivated person he is living with his mother, making minimum wage has no car and spends his paychecks at the bar. Either way, I've come a long way with the help of BPD family and I'm kinda indifferent about her return. My boundaries are if she's willing to get help and make an effort to be a good mother I will help her and continue to love her unconditionally, if not she is only my daughters mother who is very disturbed.
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