BPDFamily.com

My mother is diagnosed with schizophrenia, bipolar, and displays many BPD traits.  She has been living in state assisted mental health housing/facilities for most of my life. She is technically disabled and has a hard time taking care of herself.

My grandmother has legal guardianship of my mother.  Unfortunately, my grandmother has stage 4 lung cancer and is receiving hospice care. My mother is very worried about guardianship once my grandmother passes away.  She wants me to assume responsibility for her.

To add to my mother's worry, during this last week, the state decided that my mother does not need a caseworker (terrible idea).  I do not know if I have the right to call the state on my mother's behalf and petition for her to continue working with a caseworker. 

Has anyone gone through the process of legal guardianship of their parent?  If so, what should I expect?

Hi EaglesJuJu,

I haven't experienced anything like this, although there are members on the board who have dealt with issues of guardianship that might be able to provide information.

What I have learned (that I never understood before) is that it's a good idea to consult with at least one attorney if not more. Consultations can run 30 min and cost ~$100 to $200 or so. It's amazing the different levels of quality you can get between lawyers. Consulting with them does not mean you have to retain them, and some of them will waive the consultation if you end up retaining them.

I put together a list of questions and then talked to them on the phone. It's a good idea to take notes, or record the conversation if you can, especially if you feel emotional. Things tend to fly out of my head when I talk to lawyers, it's the strangest thing. I'll read my notes and have almost no recollection that we discussed things.

I too don't have specific knowledge of this but I do know this:  Don't ever sign anything as yourself, always do it as POA or whatever the guardianship designation is.  For example, with Power of Attorney (POA) then if you sign it properly as POA then only the person's estate is responsible, but if you sign it as you then you can be held responsible as well.  As L&L said, get legal consultations to find out what you can and can't do, what you should and shouldn't do.

I have a question of my own - Can you handle this task of being a legal guardian?  Are you up to the task if she becomes oppositional?

What do I mean?  Here's an example from my life about maintaining objectivity when pressured or guilted.  When I used to work a lobby desk of a large building in NYC, few locations had public restrooms, often reserved for customers, and the city's provided services frankly were minimal and not that nice.  You guessed it, every now and then people would come in and ask for a restroom, maybe even squirming or with kids jumping up and down.  Sadly, we had nothing available.  They'd even ask, "Then where do you go?".  Well, it was behind locked security checkpoints, basement, etc.  (One co-worker felt so pressured in one memorable incident that a boy was allowed in without escort and afterward the restroom was found with excrement smeared on the walls.)  I had a hard time too, I felt guilted when saying "Sorry, visit a restaurant across the street or down the block" as though it was a horrible thing.  Then I realized that though they had a problem, I wasn't in a position to accept responsibility for their problem and I couldn't afford to let them make their problem my problem.

I know, a very minor example when compared to your situation, but it helped me to identify when other people tried, even innocently, to make their problems my problems.  Once I identified the pressure, then I could better decide how to handle it or even whether I could or should handle it.

Thanks for the replies Livednlearned and ForeverDad.   I was going to consult with an attorney before I do anything. My mother has her own attorney, so I am going to see what he says.


Honestly, there is no one left on my mother's side of the family to assume this responsibility. She has had a tumultuous relationship with everyone and has painted most of them black at one point in time. 

I can handle the responsibility. The roles are completely reversed in my mother's and my relationship. I took on the role of the "parent" many years ago.  The impact of mental illness on her life is very sad and devastating.  I have become desensitized to many of her manic/delusional/rage tendencies.

I am aware and do understand the consequences of her being obstinate and oppositional. My grandmother was never involved in her finances and that responsibility was left to my mother's case worker. Having a case worker handle that was the best option for my grandmother. Excessive and heedless spending is something my mother has a problem with.