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Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+) => Romantic Relationship | Detaching and Learning after a Failed Relationship => Topic started by: dobie on January 26, 2015, 03:40:05 PM



Title: How to phrase a text req?
Post by: dobie on January 26, 2015, 03:40:05 PM
Its been 28 days NC since I last sent her a number of stupid texts while drunk and emotional as well as one after I found her on dating websites calling her out on her bs

She has a number of my personal items I want back she has been ignoring all comms from me since xmass day after i blanked her "happy xmass text" as well as removing all my friends family and mutual friends from FB she is also paranoid and a control freak so is keeping these items as a form of "insurance" .

I thought of asking her mother to get them for me ?

These are family mementos so I need them back .

Any tips ?



Title: Re: how to phrase a text req?
Post by: fromheeltoheal on January 26, 2015, 04:49:45 PM
She may also consider them the remnants of an attachment as well as bait.  If you really want the stuff, send her a brief, polite, unemotional message by whatever means, writing is better than speaking live, and see what happens.  She may return your stuff, best for her to send it to you and not meet up with you, or she may not.  You will need to decide how far you escalate it, law enforcement, relatives, whatever, and how much the stuff means to you.  Good luck, and whatever you do, don't engage emotionally, not even get pissed off.  Bored and businesslike is best.


Title: Re: how to phrase a text req?
Post by: dobie on January 26, 2015, 05:27:50 PM
She may also consider them the remnants of an attachment as well as bait.  If you really want the stuff, send her a brief, polite, unemotional message by whatever means, writing is better than speaking live, and see what happens.  She may return your stuff, best for her to send it to you and not meet up with you, or she may not.  You will need to decide how far you escalate it, law enforcement, relatives, whatever, and how much the stuff means to you.  Good luck, and whatever you do, don't engage emotionally, not even get pissed off.  Bored and businesslike is best.

Thanks she took them as I have her laptop and she is paranoid there are compromising photos of her on there .


Title: Re: how to phrase a text req?
Post by: fromheeltoheal on January 26, 2015, 05:54:27 PM
She may also consider them the remnants of an attachment as well as bait.  If you really want the stuff, send her a brief, polite, unemotional message by whatever means, writing is better than speaking live, and see what happens.  She may return your stuff, best for her to send it to you and not meet up with you, or she may not.  You will need to decide how far you escalate it, law enforcement, relatives, whatever, and how much the stuff means to you.  Good luck, and whatever you do, don't engage emotionally, not even get pissed off.  Bored and businesslike is best.

Thanks she took them as I have her laptop and she is paranoid there are compromising photos of her on there .

Oh, well, the plot thickens.  I say deal with all the untanglements as quickly as possible then, trade her laptop for your stuff, meet at Starbucks or somewhere else neutral.  No sense dragging these things out here on the Leaving board.


Title: Re: how to phrase a text req?
Post by: Mutt on January 26, 2015, 06:08:18 PM
I suggest not stress the importance of your stuff.

I would use SET:

I'm sorry. It can be frustrating when you last talk to someone and it doesn't go well. Do you think we can meet to exchange some things? Thanks.