BPDFamily.com

Hello,

It has been 8 weeks now, that my ex left. The thing I am struggling with now, is my low self esteem and confidence.

I am at the point that I am done with my ex, I haven't had any contact with him whatsoever. He only contacted me about 7 week ago, to violantly take one of our dogs (he gave that dog to me for my birthday) and was it. No contact with him feels like a blessing, that r/s was toxic for me. But it left me with no confidence and a low self esteem. I probably had low self esteem before this r/s but not as low as now. Because I am really doubting myself right now. Was I so weak to fall for his bull___? (sorry for the language) Because he was all talk and no action, and still I forgave him. But not anymore, I am done. But how to get my confidence back?

I have been talking/flirting to a old friend of mine again (for a month), and I notice my own weaknesses again. It fills a need and emptiness. And it is wrong, because this guy ain't available to me. He initiated the flirting thing, and at the beginning I was none responsive to it. But somehow after a few weeks I flirted back a little. On the one hand it feels nice, but on the other hand it feels so wrong.

Does anyone have the same experience, or am I the only one. I feel like a loser right now. I would really like some feedback on this please!

Ayreana

When I was replaced and abandoned by my BPD ex my self esteem was rock bottom... .and all the acting out and abuse that I received from the two of them drove it down even lower.  If I had made a decision to get involved with an "unavailable" person ... .it would have driven my self worth even lower... it would have been a very wrong short term "fix" that would have eventually taken me even lower in the end... .and would of been "perfect" to help me avoid what I really needed to do. Heal. Investigate me. Love me and then change and grow. I got a T and a self help group and started my lonely journey to find out why I "chose" to be with my BPD in the first place.   ... .otherwise ... .in my wounded, low-self-worth-state I would have been using someone else to make me feel good about me.   ... .back to the same dysfunctional cycle.

Ugh.

I have the same thing. There are multiple women interested in me and I sometimes flirt back, or watch a movie with them or whatever, but nothing more. I think it means we are the normal ones, we are still somewhat attached and we were always faithful, it takes time to lose that attachment.

I hope it is normal, it feels more like what my exBPDbf would do, or is doing. And I don't want that.

But on the other hand it is nice, that there are people still interested in me. haven't felt that in a long time. But I am defenitly not ready for a new r/s, far from it.