BPDFamily.com

Hello people,

I just have a discussion with my bf.

Like almost all times we discuss, he uses a lot of insults, irony, screams... 'shut up'  'f**ck you" "b*tch"... .

I just got the conclusion that somehow I got so used to this that it 'enters through one ear and leaves by the other one'. I just think; 'ok, here we go again... .better to have patience'.

And this conclusion made me feel a bit ashamed of myself. I am tired to minimize this and think 'oh, he's borderline, come on, you have a master degree in Psychology, you understand this intellectually, he's making a crisis' and bla bla bla. I always keep the calm, and he says I do this because I am a machine with no feelings.

I am tired of always have to understand and let the things go. I feel as I was making alone the job of two people.

This simply can't be normal. It's not normal to live with insults, irony, screams, lack of empathy. No woman in my family lived like this. None of my friends. I stopped to tell what he says, even to my close friends, because I know people will ask me how can I support and even have some 'pity' of me.

I think I don't want to rationalize this anymore. More I do this, more I'll be normalizing something bad in my life, even if I can keep the serenity.

I got very pessimist only by thinking that it will repeat again, and again, and again... .

I know it happens with many of you also. How you deal with? How does it affect your self-steem? You think your efforts worthwhile?

He does this as it vents emotion, and you let him do it, and it makes you feel impotent because you do. The result you is feel lessor and he feels more empowered.

This obviously is not working so something needs to change.

I am sure you know what this is.

The question is why have you not started to refuse to be exposed to this? Is it fear of consequence? Do you doubt your entitlement to not be spoken to like this?

What is it you believe you should do, but are struggling to act on?