BPDFamily.com

I had never seen this data lined up in one place.  :)

When looking at this with a centered and balanced mind (WiseMind) what are the top three points that you see as the take-away message for members in all this?  If you were to say, "this is what the data says... ."

(https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/images/mb/6studies.png) (http://www.en.wikipedia.org/wiki/bpdfamily.com#Member_studies)

This is rather sobering date. Over 50% were codependent, most did not leave the relationship, even though in come cases it was physically abusive. 3/4 were depressed.

I have a personal theory about this. Scientifically, one probably can't conclude all points from the data, but the data fits the theory. I think that many partners of pwBPD have some caretaking/co-dependency traits to begin with, otherwise they would not stay in the relationship long enough for it to become difficult to leave. Then, I think the co-dependency of the partner increases, and that the partner slowly adapts to the pwBPD's demands and WOE and the onset of depression correlates with this path.

The there can be several outcomes.

The person remains co-dependent and depressed and does not leave.

The person becomes depressed and that intiates a personal change which may result in the couple not "matching" each other. At this point either of them may leave, seek someone else, or stay together in a more functional relationship.

Holy Cannolis Notwendy... .I just made a post about how to motive my pwBPD, and commented on how I just figured out I was co-dependent/care take personality rofl

Oh boy... .those odds are... .saddening.

I think it is a process. I say this because I have two examples of it. BPD is a spectrum, and if I had to gage where my mother is, I'd say she is severe. She has all of the traits quite prominently and is symptomatic with family members who are closer to her. My H is milder, which makes him higher functioning, but he has enough of the traits to cause major issues in intimate relationships- which is bacically with me.

It was inevitable that I'd be a good caretaker fit since I was the caretaker in my family, and I had poor boundaries, but the progression of co-dependent behavior in me increased in the marriage as a response to my H's behavior showing up once we were married with children. I definitely pursued him as he pulled further back. I sought out help when I became depressed for the first time. This was quite remarkable since I had not been depressed before, even when I lived with my mother. It is in the unique relationship of partner that this becomes as difficult as it is. In terms of the push pull thing, it was me "leaving" that resulted in him trying ( in the BPD way) to bring me back into the relationship. I did not physically leave, I was just not able to be present when depressed. His "recycling" wasn't in and out of the relationship by break up. It was him being attentive and then painting me black ( and raging) and then being attentive again.

Where I am now is in the recovery stage.  My main goal is my recovery, and I hope that the relationship improves but regardless, I have to make positive change for me.


My father did not have the resources we have today, but I also believe he became progressively more co-dependent, and later in his life, depressed. However, he had a vibrant professional life and did not act depressed until retirement. His life outside the family is what I think saved his sanity because I know things are home were difficult. I also think he had no idea what he was getting into at the beginning. I know that my dad would have never left her. Only he knew how hard it would be for her to be on her own, and he did make sure he set enough aside for her needs when he was gone. He was older than her.

Very interesting.

In brief, I feel that Codependency is every bit as dysfunctional as any of the Cluster B's and is worthy of a significant placement in the DSM.

Depression, emotional immaturity and intimacy issues being defining factors, with a lack of self reflection.

Blame.

I agree Phoebe

I think it is a match between two disorders.

However, I think the difference between one that projects feelings outward (BPD) and one that doesn't as much ( Codependency) makes treatment effectiveness different.

When we went to T, the T focused on me being co-dependent. I think my H thinks we are in T for "my" problem. I posted about that in an earlier thread. However, I am motivated to work on changing that aspect of myself.