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"Silence is the most powerful scream." ~ Anonymous

I couldn't help but remember all the times I remained silent as my MIL was ranting and raving about this or that or making me feel inferior or incompetent. I am a natural introvert, so being silent was not a problem for me. But, boy did it set her in motion. She absolutely hated it when I became silent rather than engage her. It wasn't that I was trying to be rude by not speaking back, it was more of a "defense" mechanism in order to protect myself. I knew if I spoke, most likely, I'd say the wrong thing or she would use whatever I said and twist it around like she had done many times before when I did speak. So I got used to not speaking for about a day or two to give myself time to ponder what I was going to say in response to her. I stopped jumping every time she snapped her fingers, like when she'd call and leave a voice message saying it was "urgent" and that I needed to call her back right away. Nine times out of ten, it was not urgent but just a ploy to get me to respond to her. I stopped playing that game, thanks to this group. I gave it 24 hours, which drove her nuts. And as usual, it was nothing urgent at all.

Anyway, just thought I'd share. I am at a good place now. MIL died in April 2012. Since then, I have started slowly mending the fences with SIL and FIL, although there will always be holes in those fences, but at least I know they won't act like MIL did. Oh, there were a few jabs here and there at Thanksgiving and Christmas, but I let them slide off my back, laughed with them, and changed the subject. I know that SIL and FIL are are not going to try to control me the way MIL did. They know that they can't.

Thanks for sharing this quote FreedomReigns. I'd say it's definitely true that a lot can be said through the things that people don't say. That's one of the reasons the so-called 'silent treatment' can have such huge effects on people.

I also recognize the scenario you describe. When everything you say gets twisted, then you indeed might feel like 'what's the point in saying anything?', and choose to remain silent instead.

Excellent notion.

I am glad you are making progress FR.

Communication is such a powerful tool that it is easy to overlook silence as a powerful tool.

It also takes some discernment for someone to realise you've gone quiet.

I have thought a lot about noise and quiet and peace in the last few weeks. I have also noticed that when i have gone quiet no one hears it. Ironic, no?

I am reminded of a scene in a Britcom where this girl sees someone she's mad at and races across the street in front of him to make sure he sees her ignoring him.

Humans, hey?

Zigg

Silence is a priceless tool. It's been my saving grace and saving face. I don't need to defend myself to no one or explain the insanity of my ex. I need quiet to heal my own negative thoughts that I have and also that have been placed on me from my ex and her smearing . It's been a hard process to go through these feelings. I have gone to 3 T sessions in past 6 weeks I get to share my crazy there and my new freedom. I also use this forum to help share w others that I find I identify with or just plain vent my past and present. So I'm not hurting anyone I personally know or stuffing this all inside. It's been told to me I just need to feel my feelings and time will heal. I don't drink or use drugs I'm in recovery too so I stay very connected to that spiritual aspect. I pray daily for these people who want to harm me because I can't live in resentment . I read a cool thing this morning about looking at life w possibility ... .By letting go of what I think I need or what I believe I should do ... .I live today w possibility of not knowing? Just being in my own life