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Title: Newly out of Relationship with BPD Partner Post by: GBLAW on February 03, 2015, 03:18:01 PM I am newly out of a four-year relationship with a BPD partner. I have affirmatively decided to end the relationship, and I am six weeks out. My BPD partner uses silence to and has relied on my co-dependence and good communication skills and desire to reach an understanding with others (used in my profession) to keep me in. I ended it after 2 weeks of silence from him with an email stating affirmatively that it was over. (No "come to your senses" or "teach you a lesson" language this time around). However, he has not acknowledged that or communicated with me in anyway in the four weeks since then. I am trying to keep myself in a place of "not wondering" (how he felt, where he is, whether he is suicidal again, etc.). But I find the silence to be tricky for me. I have so far resisted the urge to reach out recognizing that this is our pattern. I find the silence entries on this site, recognizing it as a form of verbal abuse and a BPD tactic to be very helpful. But I am wondering if others have dealt with silence at the end and what to expect. What I expect now is that he will eventually try to re-engage, and although I am committed to the end, I do worry about him contacting me. Social media and phone are blocked, but not email.
Title: Re: Newly out of Relationship with BPD Partner Post by: Wood stock on February 03, 2015, 06:52:00 PM So far, my BPD has not learned how to just shut hiis mouth. One of the only traits he he doesn't have... .silence would be deafening. I feel for you. But in a way, it's a god send. I totally understand your worry, though. My ex fiancée commmitted suicide. I get it. But... .consider the silence a god send. Embrace it. And don't feel guilty... .about anything. You did your best--take care of you. Enjoy the peace. His choice. Take care of you.
Title: Re: Newly out of Relationship with BPD Partner Post by: HappyNihilist on February 03, 2015, 09:29:00 PM Hi, GBLAW, and welcome! I'm sorry about your situation - these relationships and breakups are intense and painful. I'd like to echo what Wood stock said: don't feel guilty about anything. You have to take care of yourself, just like he is responsible for himself. It's good that you're recognizing the patterns of the relationship. This is a dysfunctional dance, and stepping out allows us the distance necessary to see it more clearly. Sometimes people with (pw) BPD don't try to re-engage, but the majority appear to do so. In my case, my exBPDbf pops back up on my radar about every 6-8 weeks or so, communicates for a few days at the most, and then vanishes back into the ether. What is it about the idea of him contacting you that worries you? |