BPDFamily.com

we've been married for 4.5 years and two weeks ago i got hit with the fact that she found someone else, she is in full BPD, right now. We have 3 children and are seperating. she says she needs time. i have given her space, written nice notes, tried to be understanding and compationate. I just want to know if she could come back and if she did, start therapy. she started therapy once 2yrs ago and stopped. stop going and quit taking meds. when she was going and on the meds, it was great. the kids were happier and so was her and i. Just confused.

I'm sorry to hear about what happen with your wife man, that must be hard to wrap your brain around.  Some say betrayal is harder emotionally than losing a child so please take some time to look out for yourself rather than focusing on her.  Writing nice notes and being compassionate is nice and all but if your wife is in the FOG of another man right now the marriage won't work until he is out of the picture.  If you are separating, and I can only assume that is her request not yours, that makes you a back up plan to the other man.  Being a back up plan is no way to live and you deserve more.  Now I also have 3 kids so I can appreciate you wanting to keep the family together but that can be along painful journey and one that may not end with what you want.  Please take time to learn more about BPD and how to communicate with someone.  Meds don't treat BPD from what I understand, extensive psychotherapy is what she needs and it doesn't sound like she wants that and you can't make her.  I feel for you man and I wish you the best.  I know you are devastated but your kids need you so focus on them and you for a time until things calm down and become a little more clear about what you want to do.

she wanted time apart, i didnt really give it, instead i went for seperation which was a trigger for abandonment. she keeps asking me to wait. whats hard is the honeymoon phase she is in with this man. I have been sending replies to her texts and being polite. I keep letting her know that im here for her and that there is nobody in my life except the kids and herself. She had at one point got very angry when I had left the house so she could be with the kids alone and without it being awkward. She text me asking where i was, replied I was with friends. Spending the night on the couch. She immediately called, I picked up and she wanted to know where I was, with who. She wont tell me where she goes when she is not here so I said that it was fair that she not know. Boy was I wrong. She hung up on me, text me about not waiting on her to figure all this out and now she was not going to have any guilt. I instantly told her where i was and came home. She acted like it was no big deal and what was I doing home. It is a very emotional ride right now. I just hope she knows that she has a home with all the kids and a loving husband willing to be here for her. That and if she comes back, that she will seek the help she needs. Keeping my chin up.