BPDFamily.com

I have no idea what I would have done to figure things out if I had not found this forum. I have learned so much about BPD here and it also really helped to speak with others who have similar stories as mine as well as to hear other variations.

I turned the corner on recovering in December and I no longer have that 'herd of elephants parked on my soul' feeling that I had. But I DO obsess and I wonder if coming here as much as I do is keeping the wound open for me. Having a home office definitely a problem as is the kind of job that keeps one at a desk but I find myself her more frequently than I probably should and she still occupies my mind more than any other breakup (frankly all of them put together!). Is this a case where too much of a good thing can be a bad thing? Its been 4 months, should she no longer be occupying my thoughts as she does? Come to think of it, I don't even really think about HER or our relationship at all, I think about the breakup and the aftermath.

I think that forums have held me back before as well.  It wasn't until I hired a life coach to work on building the life I want that things began to change.  I come here often to help others and because I'm still married to someone with 3 kids so my new life is in limbo.  If you are done with your ex then I'd spend more time changing your belief patterns about yourself and building the life you want.  I'm not sure if this is the best environment for that at all.

JRT, I guess it depends on your reasoning for coming here.

You are still in the undecided section so there is something keeping you tied right now. As BestVersionOfMe has said, some people do stay on the site or to come back to help others or simply to keep on learning and developing themselves.

I was married to pwNPD/BPD and 2 years on, ended up in a relationship with pwBPD. I can't say for certain but maybe, had I found this site after my marriage, I might have learned enough about myself not to have ended up in the 2nd relationship.

From reading through many posts on here, there have been some who have reached a level of acceptance and moved on, others who have moved on then come back to help and others who have moved on and then come back because they have more questions.

I think it's for you to decide whether you are in a comfortable place to do that. If so, you know we are always here and would welcome you back with open arms should you decide to come back for whatever reason. If you do stay around, it would be equally as great as you offer great advice, have some wonderful posts and it's always nice to read your posts  |iiii

Thank you RH... .its a great site... .I'll say again that I don;'t know what I would have done without coming across it. I am glad that I could contribute and help others in the same way that they have helped me, this has been the worst chapter in my life.

It's the way that I am wired... .I hold out hope and project that things WILL work out and that things sometimes are not as they seem (I watched the towers fall on TV and for a moment, thought that it REALLY didn't happen, I wonder what a T would say about that!). As I move forward, I realize that I don't even think about her any longer per se; I don't think about any of our times together good or bad, I think about the breakup and its aftermath exclusively. As much as it contradicts logic on many levels, I have come to understand what drove her to do what she did and what I need to look out for next time. Now that I know what it was, I need to ween myself off of the event (maybe my focus on the event is a shade of PTSD?) and perhaps bpdfamily.com. Its something I need to consider... .I need to move on.

JRT,

This is a good question, and one I can relate to.  I spent a good six months straight here between the summer and Christmas of 2013.  I knew my wife was diagnosed with BPD before even landing here, and began learning how to navigate it, but in the aftermath of her abrupt departure/disappearance, I had no idea there were so many other people in similar situations... .no idea that there were solid answers to the things that literally had me on my knees at times.  I learned a lot here, learned a lot about myself and how I was complicit in the dysfunction of the relationship, and even acted as an ambassador/mod on this site for a time.  Eventually, it became too much and I had to get away and detach from the constant internal and external bombardment of dealing with BPD all day, every day.

I came back almost exactly one year later (Christmas, 2014)... .six/seven weeks ago or so.  I came back a little wiser, and a lot less triggered, after that time away.  I used a lot of what I learned here during that time, worked through a lot of things in therapy, etc.  A year later, I am in what appears to be a healthier relationship and, even if I haven't successfully changed all of my self-defeating tendencies, I can at least identify them and where they might be coming from.  I will never forget what I went through, and may never be fully okay with it, but I can handle it, and giving a little back, at my own pace, is rewarding.

Only you can answer whether this site is holding you back... .it might be, at least temporarily.  In reading your posts, it seems like you are ready to take the next step forward into a deeper self-analysis, but aren't completely there yet.  Maybe you can do it on your own, maybe you can do it with the help of a therapist, or maybe  there are more answers to be found here still.  Like Ripped says, this site will still be here if you take some time off... .and it will welcome you back just the same.