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I'm beginning to realize what a large role anxiety has played in my life. A psychiatrist told me that depression and anxiety are rooted in the same biological vulnerability, and tend to go together. He did say that sometimes people present with only anxiety, but more commonly it shows up with depression. I've been depressed and anxious at different times in my life, although I wouldn't characterize myself as depressed right now. But I definitely still struggle with anxiety.

I feel like anxiety is connected to codependency. Both seem to play a part in distracting me from dealing with painful feelings. Is anyone else struggling with anxiety, and if so, what do you think it does for you? Is there anything positive about anxiety? Have you always been anxious? Where does your anxiety come from? Are you actively dealing with it, and if so, what has worked for you?

Sadly, anxiety has been a predominate force in my life.  I have had anxiety for as long as I can remember. Anxiety has affected my life in some negative ways.

The core of my anxiety stems from fear and worry. Sometimes my anxiety snowballs and creates more anxiety. For example, I can have anxiety about something that may be innocuous as a project, but then I get more anxiety for originally having anxiety. I create more anxiety and that ends up really frustrating me. Granted my level of anxiety is pathological, since I suffer from DPD. Stress tends to exacerbate my anxiety as well.

I mainly fear and worry about abandonment. I am afraid and worried that people may be "mad" at me and want to abandon me. Also, the future and unknown has given me quite a bit of anxiety. I try to not have anxiety and do things that I may not particularly want to do to avoid those feelings.

I have been working through the "feeling" of anxiety.  It has been really hard and scary. CBT has really helped with my anxiety. The most noticeable change I have seen is through DBT/mindfulness techniques.  I actually learned how to relax.  Honestly, I had no idea what the feeling of relaxing was, since I have always been "on edge," worried, or scared.

A weeks ago I had a stressful day at work. Usually when I have had days like that, I tend to come home and spend a lot of time worrying and creating more anxiety. On this particular day, I came home and practiced mindfulness techniques.  While doing the mindfulness techniques, I eliminated my anxiety.  I had this feeling of calmness and relaxation. I never felt that before and it was incredible!  I did not understand what it meant to be relaxed until that moment. Honestly, it was strange at first to not have anxiety, since the feeling of anxiety was all I ever have known.  I have not had anxiety since.

In the last year I have gone from a 'constant nervous wreck'... .to an 'episodic wreck' (ha ha).

When I told the ex to leave in July... .by September I could feel the difference in my anxiety level.

The only time I would feel out of control is when I had to talk to him.

BUT after time, I could have short conversations with him w/o losing composure.

I am light years ahead of where I was this time last year, and you know what?

This time next year? This will ALL BE A DISTANT MEMORY... .

I am healing, and I will be whole and healthy!



IMHO?

No.

It's a life drainer-soul sucker-liar-mind wrecker.

My goal is to be able to live life, as anxiety free as I possible.


I have always been high strung.

A worrier.

IE: a control freak.

I have foolishly wasted life fussing and fretting over things that NEVER happened or things that I KNEW were going to happen but I tried to 'control' the situation so it didn't.

Dumb Dumb Dumb.

I am definitely changing gears. This is not a healthy way to live.


Born and raised by 2 control freaks constantly battling for control.

Insecurity

Fear

Lack of confidence / Faith.


1. Prayer. You simply have no idea. When I am walking closely with the Lord, my anxiety is NOT out of control.

2. Breathing thru the panic attacks (especially when I can feel one coming)

3. Removing things from my life that either trigger or keep me in a perpetual state of anxiety (IE: people, clutter, etc.)

4. Staying busy.

5. Prayer

Yes, I have anxiety it was very intense for a while.  The two things that helped the most were sleep and meditstion.  That got me through the worst of it.  Now it is more tolerable and I am walking it off.  I go for daily 10 mile walks and stop to stretch and do breathing exercises now and then. 

i knew at an early age that something wasn't right, and it turned out to be depression. i was anxious too, though that was rarely noted by the doctors, except one, who prescribed xanax (during a rough grad school stretch), but i hated it and tossed it. but after The Thing happened i began to have frequent attacks, which were horrid, and this time i was given clonazepam, which worked a treat. i'm a bit of a preacher for it. i carry it around, but haven't used it now in months. time heals (though it doesn't right the wrongs).

i think it comes from being raised by someone who believed with certainty that there was something wrong with everything, and she knew what it was. if there was nothing evidently wrong, she would manufacture a problem. so i came to believe that no matter what i did or thought or might do or think, there was, or could be, something wrong with it. going out on a limb for any reason was a nervous-making adventure, and taking chances was simply out of the question. it's at a deep level, i'm often anxious without even realizing it, and only spot it on reflection. there's nothing positive about it, at all.

over the past year i've tried to seek out small, controlled encounters which can't go too wrong, and this has worked very well b/c, frankly, they've mostly gone right. equally important though is not to feel like a cosmic failure if they don't go right. it's probably not a big deal. the repetition of little successes will build, i hope, to a default setting of equanimity, if not confidence.

I feel like anxiety wants to be the boss of me.

Both of my real-life bosses are very reactionary people. It's taking a lot of effort for me to stay grounded when they start to wind up. It also seems like they ramp up their anxiety if I don't react to them. There's this odd triangle that happens, where my most senior boss gets into a full blown chicken little, and the supervisor boss reacts (lots of eye-rolling, theatrical responses, storming into my office with a monologue, hand waving, etc.). In the past, I found this very contagious. I still feel this strong pull to participate.

My son's psychiatrist is doing metacognitive therapy to treat the depression and anxiety. He says it's about focusing on how we think, more than what we think. This makes so much sense to me. It seems like I've been trying to do this without really understanding what it is I'm actually doing. More and more, I'm trying to observe my thoughts and feelings, and do a little interview. "Is this how you want to feel?" "Is this reaction necessary" "What is worse, this feeling, or the one it's trying to prevent you from having." But I'm also doing a lot of, "Yeah, yeah. I know. The sky is falling. You told me that a few minutes ago. I'm going to keep sitting here and working, thanks." It's that part that's been helping me truly wind down. It's almost like I'm trying to comfort my own anxiety, like it's a kid that needs to feel validated.

maxen, it sounds like you were raised by someone who was very fearful. My mom was/is like this too. She also has one of the most sheltered lives of anyone I know.

blimblam, walking is honestly the most important thing I did to help me even understand there was a different feeling. Only after walking did I feel calm.

goingplaces, my son's psychiatrist is encouraging me to help S13 neutralize his negative thoughts about being depressed and anxiety. Very meta.  *) What do you think about that perspective?

eaglesjuju, I'm starting a mindfulness-based stress reduction class next week. It took me 8 years to finally make the time. Pretty excited about it, especially because the psychiatrist said there has been a lot of research about how MBSR and therapies like CBT can rewire the brain. As much as medication. He also said that there is a new longitudinal study going on right now, very large sample size, where people who suffer from depression/anxiety type 3 things that they are grateful for and send it by computer each day. Little tiny bits of gratitude. And they are seeing some amazing effects. I think the research is ongoing, and don't know who is doing it. Maybe it is connected to the guy at Harvard doing research on happiness. Shawn Achor?

I have never been a very calm person. I was raised by a worry-wart, a control freak, a codependent.  I took on these roles throughout my life to a lesser degree. I've used many coping mechanisms such as food and alcohol to manage the anxiety. For the most it was 'controllable'... .until this r/s. I became more and more anxious. Walking on eggshells will do that!  I ended up having a gut ache for two years! Constant pain. Finally I was able to get this under control with diet. But I was left with a chronic nervous tic in my belly.  It has been there for nearly 3 yrs. I can never forget about it, it never stops unless I do two things: sleep or strenuous exercise... .and it always comes back. 

I also find my anxiety is easily triggered now and so quickly! For instance my neighbour, a teenage boy, beats his gf on a regular basis.  I have had to call 911 several times bc of this. When this happens my adrenaline starts flowing like crazy, I get tunnel vision, my heart beats wildly... .happened today as a matter of fact!  I get so angry bc I feel like I take 2 steps forward, 1 step back all the time. As much as I try to avoid triggers, surround myself with healthy people and learn how to soothe myself, I cannot avoid anxiety provoking things all the time!

I'm reading a couple of books by Peter Levine right now on anxiety and PTSD, I'm hoping to learn some new coping mechanisms.  It is getting better but snail's pace slow! Sometimes I get pretty discouraged.

The pattern I have notticed for myself is that the anxiety affects me quality of sleep and not untill I can get into a phase of "sleeping it off," can I evenr develop a base to get the full effect of other prectices and techniques.  The old adage of "a good nights rest," holds up but it seems to be more than a night but I nottice entering a period of sleeping like 14+ hour nights for a period of time before I am able to make any major changes. 

I had an ex that I wanted to start a family with and she just could never get to a place where she made the time to make that breakthrough in herself to begin the healing process. She kept herself perpetually busy and still has to this day and she uses the things she had accomplished by staying so busy as a sort of justification for why she won't make the time to actually heal. 

Anxiety and depression can be hereditary medical conditions. I have a family history of both, and am a huge advocate of medication to supplement my lack of serotonin, a major cause of anxiety, depression, and panic attacks.  Since being on medication, I have found it much easier to deal with life stresses in general and coping with the chaos created by my BPDs specifically.

When all else fails, I would recommend speaking to a physician about a trial of the proper medication for you.  It has been life-changing for me.

Was this meant for me? Ha ha.  A year or two ago I read someone's blog about how she has probably had anxiety all her life and didn't realize it, and it translated into being a multitasker and overachiever.  A light went on in my head.  I always have to be doing something to distract me from things right in front of me, and I always prepare well in advance for any emergency.  I am very rigorous about my employees' deadlines at work.  I wonder what would happen if I wasn't juggling so many things - I think I'd be scared or depressed.  I constantly take on extra assignments.  I don't know what I'd do if I hit the lottery and didn't have to work so hard. 

I constantly have a swirling fantasy in my head about getting ahead, coming up with a great creative idea, etc., etc., and I think it all distracts from anxiety and depression about the humdrumness of life.  Especially being newly divorced with young kids and an ex who once in a while wants to get back together and prevails upon me emotionally and sometimes gets angry. 

There are real reasons to be anxious, esp when coparenting with a person with BPD (and having a mentally ill parent too), but I also think all of my hard work (for instance, I'm writing this at 4 a.m. before going to sleep) helps distract me from my fears, real though they may be.

My son's psychiatrist said there is brain scan research to show that CBT, metacognitive therapy, DBT, and mindfulness training can all rewire the way our brains respond to stimuli just as effectively as medication. His philosophy is to use meds when he needs to do a "rescue," meaning when the negativity of whatever toxic mood is flooding the brain (depression, anxiety) can be so severe that medication is needed immediately to avoid more serious damage. He was talking about my son, so maybe he meant that for youth because their brains are still forming. But I don't handle medications very well, so I took it to heart for myself as well.

I was surprised how quickly the mindfulness class became effective in helping me manage my anxiety. I've only been to one class. The instructor gave us homework, including doing a "body scan" by listening to a CD. I did it in bed last night and felt so deeply relaxed and peaceful, more so than I can ever remember. It's just a woman talking, guiding where to focus your attention, starting with toes moving up to the top of the head. Our other homework is mindful eating, and being mindful while doing a routine activity of our choice.

I'm so tired of feeling anxious. I realized this week how often my anxiety turns to dread, which is an awful feeling. one of the things the mindfulness stuff made me aware of is also how often I think I'm doing something wrong.

livednlearned, brain plasticity can happen at any age, for better or for worse. I have also read, as your son's psychiatrist said, that mindfulness training is very effective in this and without all the side affects that some people experience with medication. This is the route I'm trying as well!

Mindfulness works as well as a bunch of other associated meditative and contemplative traditions that existed in various religious and spiritual traditions for millenea. In fact a lot of the rituals and stuff are like katas in martial arts they have encoded in them hidden meanings.   Like in Catholicism, I'm raised catholic, we eat the Eucharist when we take communion and eat our God.  This is symbolic of Christ, or healing concious awareness and truth is within us.  Implying an inward journey.  Also that we crap it out, holy crap.  And what do people do with their crap they flush it away.  Like when people say stop giving me crap.  This is basically projective identification being encoded into a ritual along with other hidden meanings and deeper truths.

My mom's a Hermit, and the Hermit's dominant emotional state is Fear, according to Lawson. I picked up the "fleeing" traits in part from her, most likely, in combination with years of horrible bullying and ostracizing from peers. I was kind of a hermit-nomad until my mid 30s. I had social anxiety.

I remember being invited to a sort of friend's wedding. This was in the late '90s, when we had to actually use maps to get around. I'm a great map-reader, but on the day of the wedding, I messed up the directions or something, and I got so anxious, that I blew off the wedding, even though I said I'd be there. I just went home, retreating to my quiet place.

It was odd to me, and this was at the time that I moved out of my home state to take a job transfer. I had no friends in the new state and city. I did it, in part, as a bit of immersion therapy, to prove that I could survive alone and start fresh in a strange place, almost a thousand miles from home. Many people who I had deemed stronger than me said they'd never be able to do something like that.

I had anxiety about coming back to my home state after three years (to take a much better job), but I drug myself kicking and screaming inside, when I had previously swore I'd never live here again. I've been back for 15 years now.

I remember a director giving feedback to one of my bosses, "Turkish needs to speak up more in meetings." That was part of my lingering social anxiety, like I felt that my voice didn't matter, and maybe I was afraid of being exposed as a fraud. After half a decade of being in the same job, I had gotten a lot better. I remember the point being surprised when people looked to me for answers. I had them, and am considered a subject matter expert in many things. Perhaps this also goes back to self-worth? I know how my mom thinks of herself. I also know how my Ex thinks of herself (covered by a thin veneer of narc traits). It shocked me to realize that I was so much more "together" than the both of them. I think it's something like having trouble validating myself as a person of worth.

I'm doing pretty well now, career-wise, but I really think that if it weren't for the anxiety I took with my into adulthood, I'd be doing much better. Financially, very well, and I've blown the "grading curve" considering where I came from. I describe myself as an "overachieving underachiever." It's taken many years for me to expand my comfort zone bit by bit.

Pingo -- thanks for backing this up about brain plasticity. I'm hopeful that mindfulness will help. I'm a week into my classes and I can see that I've been moving this way for years, almost like a survival instinct. I would walk my dog to try and bring some awareness of the state I was in at that moment, the only thing I could control, and see now that this a natural instinct to be mindful.

BlimBlam -- I notice that this journey has been intensively spiritual for me and I have begun to interpret both religious and spiritual texts (and poetry) with such a different frame of reference. My family was "covert narcissistic" and the approach to religion was more like "churchianity" with a lot of emphasis on rules without much in the way of true or deep understanding. So I drifted away not sure what to make of something that seemed so empty and hollow, at least as my family interpreted it. This can also create a lot of anxiety, because then there is no spiritual home, so to speak, and I realize I spent my 20s in the outdoors as a way to try and find something meaningful since meaning was largely lacking.

Turkish -- that's interesting what you say about your mom being a Hermit. My father's mother was also a Hermit and I see how her anxiety affected my father. He is a very conservative, risk-avoidant, and conventional man. He went to university at 15, the first in his family, and became very successful, but his dream was always to run his own business, which he never did. He could never articulate why he didn't do it, but your description helped me see how he was probably very fearful, not just about supporting his family, which is what he said held him back.

I wonder sometimes if anxiety is at the root of my procrastination. Does anxiety show up in different ways that aren't considered exactly obvious? I still don't understand procrastination, except that it is a maladaptive thing. The more I procrastinate, the more anxious I feel. It sometimes feels as though I want to be anxious, like there are two voices jockeying to control what state I'm going to be in. I haven't figured out yet how mindfulness will help with this, but I'm hopeful it was clear some of the problem so I focus on bigger goals and dreams I have.

Live dandelion,

Lol my autocorrect changed your name to live dandylion oh well.  Anyway there is covert narcisism in my family as well.  The way I have begun to see it and it is sort of visual for me is in terms of arrested development.  I think I will frame it that way from now on to people because we all have it and perhaps that can give people more empathy.  I really believe anxiety, shame and such is all just basically a byproduct of arrested development.  We felt ashamed of ourself in some way and it caused a part of us to be held back and compartmentalized. 

I have dreams about this stuff and they consist of dream woman with 1000 faces who leads me to confront a scary tricky character who if confronted properly gives me access to some of these lost parts of myself.  It happens to be exactly inline with how carl Jung describes the psyche archtypally.  It fits directly into mythic structures also. The dream characters will probably be different for a woman.  But if you can become lucid in your dreams and start questioning your dream characters they will lead you to the parts of your self that are held by shame and fear. Most people sort of want to become lucid to run away and have te best dream ever, "false self."  But in lucid dreams it is totally possible to make huge breakthroughs if you seek truth.

My therapist is trained to interpret dreams, which I thought was a bunch of hogwash when she first mentioned it.

But it has been uncanny, and actually surfaced some of my deepest anxiety, stuff I was not totally conscious about. I had a series of recurring dreams that I told her about early in our sessions and she really nailed it. I had never put those issues together -- and the dreams were anxiety dreams. What was fascinating was how new dreams started to surface, versions on a much healthier theme, almost like they replaced the anxiety ones. 

I don't know that I needed to have my dreams interpreted in order to understand I experienced anxiety, but it was how she was able to zoom in and really break down what the anxiety was about, and how it connected to my past and current life that was very helpful.

That sounds really beneficial to have a therapist help guide through them in waking life. 

I am not sure if you know about lucid dreaming?  It is when you become aware that you are dreaming within a dream.  The thing is if you do and you begin to confront the oppresive character in your dream you can have different level of breakthroughs within the dream sort of as you wake up in a kind brining the unconcious into conciousness.  It like connects a bunch of dots when it happens and reveals part of the pattern to you like it shows the other half of your lies and truth of your concious life. 

I tend to not remember my dreams very well all too often.  When I do become lucid it is usually sort of partially. When I am awake it is typically Art that triggers a breakthrough while I am awake. 

Another thing I find very useful is qigong it sort of makes one aware of micro tensions in the back and your sort of process the tensions. There is this moment that almost feels like vertigo and recentering, it's sort of hard to explain but is very much like the feeling of becoming lucid in a dream and confronting ones shadow.

Is there anything positive from anexity, no.

Have I always been anxious... .no.

Where does my anexity come from... .x2bh ,  divorcing him, co parenting with him, fear of him still, in his responses from necessary emails,  from his continued PA, in court hearings, defending myself from his lies and projections.

Dealing with it... .head back to counseling during these final stages of divorce.  

Faith, reading something spiritual.

Get outside , there's always yard work.

Exercise... .walking, yoga, barre , meditation, breathing.

Browse various stores.

Tell my self that this is just the one step back in the two steps fowards one step back to a better life.

And post here .

In a word YES!

For the last year I have been having panic attacks off and on, in the last few months I would go as far as saying the anxiety has become debilitating. I Have become very concerned about my health and the level of stress I've been under.

I spoke to one Dr. who said that he thought it might be "the change" and I had read that hormones play a big role in anxiety and depression. But more and more  I think the stress is just finally getting to me.

I've been pretty stoic my whole life and have always had people comment on my "calmness". Well I only think of that person now as a memory. I've become a recluse shunning friends and family away, I think over whelmed by the burden that having this BPD in our lives has caused. It's also just plain embarrassing. We have this little jerry springer who pops up when ever she feels like it. We have no contact, we have a great attorney, therapists, special masters and the whole enchilada. But she still manages to find ways to turn the screws to us weekly. The lies alone are a constant job. She campaigns and publicizes her hate speech about us all over the place. Our jobs, our families and social media and internet sites are all areas she feels entitled to use.

So ya, I got anxiety.

I think back to before I knew her, and I can't believe the things I used to do and worry over. My golf game, my garden, my pets. All things in the past now. As having a BPD is such a drain financially... .

It makes me sick to think one human being out there who I don't really even know can wreck such havoc on my life with no regard. I know I sound like such a whiney victim here but, seriously if you knew the lengths we've gone to to barricade ourselves, and yet she still manages to get in my head through her child and her need to get revenge on us for not being willing to allow her control over us all. It's simply exhausting. I need help. :'(

Whirlpool, I have anxiety from my ex's emails too. I have them sent automatically to a separate folder so I won't necessarily see them every time I open my email. I get such a dread when I finally do go to look for them. Makes me sick. Coparenting with him is too hard.

Bravhart1

Have you tried a restraining order?  Ask your attorney about it.  This sounds like harassment and defamation of character to me.  There has to be a way to stop it legally, especially if it is affecting your health and quality of life.

I've been anxious all my life to some extent, with the anxiousness tempered somewhat by the feeling at any given time that someone is in my corner.   The one time when I wasn't filled with anxiety was the one time when the universe conspired to make me feel like I fit in and belonged.   My anxious sweats disappeared, my nails suddenly weren't as tasty, and I felt relaxed around others.   When that fell apart on one horrific day that I still think about many years later, my anxiety came back.   

Now I think my anxiety stems from many things.   The fear of being out of control (money, outside forces, relationships, etc) is always there as is a feeling that anything "good" will soon be replaced with something much worse.  Part of it also comes with age, wondering how I got to be where I am now and NOT being in a better place physically or emotionally.   

One thing that is helping somewhat is thinking about making me happier more than others.   It's a very tough nut to crack (and one I struggle with), but simply thinking that I matter and that my needs are important has helped me refocus somewhat, both on not worrying what others think, and trying less hard to please others.   Also, working harder to be mindful of what makes me angry and why instead of reacting quickly is helping. 

It may sound odd, but this is the first time since I joined here that I decided to come to this board and talk about me rather than go to the other boards and talk about someone else.   The others in our life are who they are, and we are who we are.  The only real changes we can make are to us.   Just being here and talking about me and not being there and complaining about someone else (which leads to guilt and anxiety) makes me feel better.   

As to meditation, I can say that it has helped me too, except for one scary time when I had a panic attack while doing it. 

Yes, when I'm focused on my anxiety, I often get distracted from dealing with what I am anxious about, then I get more anxious for having to deal with the consequences of procrastination.


Some anxiety helps motivate to get things done.  For example, I may be anxious that I have a presentation, this may motivate me to be well prepared to help make it go smoothly.  Or that nagging mild anxious reminder that something is due, does help to remind me.


As far as I can remember, yes.  I have PTSD from abuse that began as an infant.  Idk if I would not have been anxious under different conditions.


Yes, I have actively delt with it for years.  Therapy, self CBT, meditation, mindfulness, redirecting myself to leisure activities, cardio exercise, yoga, surrounding myself with more positive pple, removal of toxic people from my life, better planning and organization, decluttering, aromatherapy, white noise, b12 injections and other health related self care, self care pampering such as bubbles bath, eating healthier... .  That is all I can think of off the top of my head!

This happened to me last week at work.  How draining!  It was so hard to avoid!  Good thing those gals aren't around my job regularly, idk what I'd do!


I've heard this, done this.  It was very helpful, got me looking for things throughout the day to be grateful for.

I'm grateful you reminded me! 

 

This doesn't sound odd at all, mssalty! I think it's a watershed moment -- it's a very real part of the healing process, and maybe the most important step. Glad you made the move  :)


I'm heading into week 5 of a mindfulness-based stress reduction class and it is hands-down the best thing I've ever done for myself. Even small things like taking three deep breaths before I start the car, or three deep breaths when I arrive at work. We are supposed to pick a routine activity that we work on throughout the week, and I decided to be mindful while talking to my son. I make sure I'm looking at him, listening to him, paying attention to what he's saying, and it has made my experience of him so much richer. He doesn't necessarily reciprocate (he's a teenager  ), but I do see him responding. He hangs around talking longer, he stands closer when we're talking, and I'm guessing it's the most simple form of validation. Plus, I try to not race ahead and think about correcting him, or lecturing him, and what teen doesn't like that  :)

It's helping so much with my anxiety. Just changing my life circumstances has helped tone down how much anxiety I feel, but this feels like a real tool I can use the rest of my life. I see too why they call it a practice -- it's something that requires practice all the time. And what surprised me most about the class, and about the teaching, is how forgiving, non-judgmental, and gentle the approach is. I'm so susceptible to judging myself harshly (thanks FOO), and can see how that thinking is its own impediment to being mindful and in the moment. They break it down into busy mind, background mind, and being mind. Busy mind (monkey mind) is always making lists, planning, and spinning around in a frenzy, and background mind is evaluating and judging, often critical and negative. Recognizing and labeling my thoughts has helped to reduce some of the anxiety I feel because it's easier to see that it's a function of the mind more than it's anything real.

Anxiety can be a double-edged sword.  It can create productivity out of the need to be occupied physically and mentally (avoidance), or it can work in reverse and consume us zapping our energy and ability to cope with stressful situations.

Anxiety can result from frustration, fear, and lack of control ... .or by having too much control (responsibility).  The key is to find balance in our lives.  We need to define what causes our anxiety and work to control what we can and accept what we cannot. 

It is a very powerful emotion, and when it becomes unhealthy, it is time to make a change in our behavior.  Everyone is different and needs to find their own path to a comfortable place, which takes work.  However, it is a goal that can be achieved or at least improved upon, depending on our ability to change and how we react to stress.

We all need to protect ourselves from unnecessary anxiety, and their are many forks in the road to this destination.  Find what works for you and stop caring about what anyone else thinks.  This is about your health and happiness.  Own it.

Interesting, Mamma.  I'm extremely productive.  I have writing projects out the wazoo.  I feel centered and relaxed when I'm working on something.  And my fantasy world keeps me out of reality.

Hi LnL. Hope you are well. I had just read and responded to a post from Doublearies and was writing about this very idea. Then I scroll down and see your post! It does make me feel that many of us share commonalities of personality and that creates a feeling of connection for me.

I was diagnosed with a panic disorder when I was 21 after I had several panic attacks that sent me to the E.R 5 times in 2 months, they would come out of nowhere. my heart would skip a beat and then start racing and the feeling that I was having a heart attack and was dying set in, it was a vicious cycle and all mental. I was convinced it was physical so I had every test done and they all came back negative and I was told that physically I was healthy as could be.

I went to a anxiety specialist who put me on a klonopin and paxil, it was to stabilize myself so I could function and not have panic attacks and learn to think through them. I learned how to take hold of my mind and not feed the anxiety and when I would start to have a panic attack I would just remind myself that im fine and nothing bad will happen and to focus on other things at that moment. it worked after a year or so and although ive come close to having a panic attack since then I haven't had one in 22 yrs.

One thing that fueled my anxiety was not taking care of problems I had, I had a bad habit of stuffing everything down inside and dealing with issues and as I found out you can only bury so much inside before your mind demands that you do something about it. so I make it a habit to do self inventory often and clean the crap out. when ever I feel anxious I immediately ask myself whats wrong.

the only positive thing I got from having anxiety issues was I learned how to think differently and retrain my brain, I got a inner strength from the process.

I believe my anxiety originated from growing up with a abusive NPD father and a very co dependent mother  who has a problem of taking a small issue and ramping it up to the end of the world. I was never good enough for my dad and my self esteem was trashed by 10 so I worried constantly about being liked by others.

My mother is like this too, Eco. She is an adult-child, and I almost felt repulsed by her when I was a kid because she was so ineffective in the role of emotional caregiver. Instead of dealing with problems like an adult, she would create these storms of anxiety that made me feel so jacked up on worry and dread. What I've noticed is that when I'm around her, I can be calm in the face of her anxious reactions, but there are times when I'm on my own feeling anxious, and I see how my own responses are like hers. We've come a long way working on this, but I've also accepted that she is not my problem to fix, she is her own person, and her anxiety is her own suffering, it doesn't have to be mine. I've learned about validation to help my son and find it helps with my mom, too. With her, I try to ask validating questions so that she carries the responsibility for solving her own problems. Sometimes, in order to minimize her anxiety, I would impatiently solve her problem to get the anxiety to wind down. Now, I try to use validating questions and it works for the most part. It makes me realize how draining and invasive it is to be around someone who is constantly anxious -- something I'm trying to work on in myself.

I'm now at week 5 of this mindfulness class and the home practices are starting to feel like a habit. Eco, I can see how learning to respond to your own mind's anxiety-producing thoughts would help. There was physical abuse in my childhood and as a result, I seemed to have shut down the connection between physical sensations and emotional feelings, although in the past 4 years or so this is improving. I've been learning to pay attention to my breath, and from there, to how my body feels when I'm experiencing both pleasant and unpleasant thoughts. It's a work in progress! 

mindfulness is very helpful and something I practice as well

I personally feel like maybe I have some form of PTSD.  I feel like a nervously quivering rat in a cage much of the time.  I can't shake it.  I can live my life functionally, but this sensation sticks around like a low-level hum and spikes at various times.  This would probably not mean anything to the person that helped bring about this current circumstance, so it's certainly not something that would ever be brought up.