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Title: She is still in my apartment Post by: Sheed on February 05, 2015, 01:03:11 PM Hello All,
My exuBPD and I broke up 01/19/2015. She cheated on me. Instead of feeling bad about what she did she started crazy making to justify her actions. It was really sad to look at. She started going through my email, my laptop to validate what she did. Long story short, i couldn't take it anymore and we broke up. She told me that her family is building a DV case against me but she doesn't want me to get in trouble so she is not going to file it and continued on to say that she will need 3 weeks to move. I told her that i will not be sleeping at the apartment until she is completely moved out. We agreed that she will be moving out by Saturday 02/07/2015. Well, she called last night and asked me if i could do her a favor. She asked me if she can store her stuff at my place until the 15th for convenience. I told her NO. The conversation went on for a bit which prompted to say "come lay with me" which I immediately said "no, I'm alright". She got offended and started saying that i was the worst boyfriend she's ever had and that i am just a sick person. Anyway, I guess my question is, has this happened to you? I mean the whole I'm moving/wait I need more time thing. It's very draining. I don't think this is what "normal" people do. I mean if she is so scared of me because i am abusive why is she still contacting me? I feel like i need to go to the cops today and tell them the situation so i can have a police report. And why does she have that feeling of entitlement? Please help. Thanks! -sheed Title: Re: She is still in my apartment Post by: Mutt on February 05, 2015, 06:34:09 PM Hi Sheed,
I'm sorry for what you're going through. It sounds like she's emotionally blackmailing you with staying extra longer at your place. I not a legal expert and you may want to as the legal board. I don't think a 3rd party can build a "domestic violence" case. At the very least you have Fear in FOG. I'll help you by telling my family to back-off if you let me stay with you. She needs a place to stay and isn't asking you in a mature way. She knows she did wrong, she acts impulsively and doesn't think things through and see the consequences of her actions. This may be a consequence of her action and she wants rescue. I hear you on the mixed messages. It's frustrating when she says one thing and asks for something else and then to make you feel bad. I think much of the behaviors are driven by emotional immaturity and lack of impulse control and your pwBPD seem incredibly needy and insensitive to ours. Your exuBPD is emotionally arrested at the equivalence of a 2-4 year old. I have a toddler and I can see connections with his behavior and my uBPDex's. It's difficult for now. Irregardless she's going to be moving shortly and the chaos will subside. Here's information on BPD Behaviors and "Emotional Immaturity" I hope that helps Here are some characteristics of emotional immaturity from When the man in your life can't commit by David Hawkins: 1. Volatile Emotions Emotional volatility is indicated by such things as explosive behavior, temper tantrums, low frustration tolerance, responses out of proportion to cause, oversensitivity, inability to take criticism, unreasonable jealousy, unwillingness to forgive, and a capricious fluctuation of moods. 2. Over-Dependence Healthy human development proceeds from dependence (I need you), to independence (I don’t need anyone), to interdependence (we need each other — see also the Seven Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen R. Covey). Over-dependence is indicated by: a) inappropriate dependence, e.g. relying on someone when it is preferable to be self-reliant, and b) too great a degree of dependence for too long. This includes being too easily influenced, indecisive, and prone to snap judgments. Overly-dependent people fear change preferring accustomed situations and behavior to the uncertainty of change and the challenge of adjustment. Extreme conservatism may even be a symptom. 3. Stimulation Hunger This includes demanding immediate attention or gratification and being unable to wait for anything. Stimulation hungry people are incapable of deferred gratification, which means to put off present desires in order to gain a future reward. Stimulation hungry people are superficial and live thoughtlessly and impulsively. Their personal loyalty lasts only as long as the usefulness of the relationship. They have superficial values and are too concerned with trivia (their appearance, etc.). Their social and financial lives are chaotic. 4. Egocentricity Egocentricity is self-centeredness. It’s major manifestation is selfishness. It is associated with low self-esteem. Self-centered people have no regard for others, but they also have only slight regard for themselves. An egocentric person is preoccupied with his own feelings and symptoms. He demands constant attention and insists on self-gratifying sympathy, fishes for compliments, and makes unreasonable demands. He is typically overly-competitive, a poor loser, perfectionistic, and refuses to play or work if he can’t have his own way. A self-centered person does not see himself realistically, does not take responsibility for his own mistakes or deficiencies, is unable to constructively criticize himself, and is insensitive to the feelings of others. Only emotionally mature people can experience true empathy, and empathy is a prime requirement for successful relationships. BPD BEHAVIORS: Emotional Immaturity (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=60935.0) Hang in there. --Mutt Title: Re: She is still in my apartment Post by: Turkish on February 05, 2015, 11:15:23 PM Sheed,
I had to live with the mother of our children for 4 months until she could move out, with she cheating the whole time. But it wasn't cheating, because she had broken up with me and slept on the couch. Yet she still tried to hide it (kind of), and continued to lie to me so on some level she knew it was wrong. I sometimes begged her to leave, but she wouldn't, so I withdrew emotionally and let things play out. The emotional immaturity thread is one of my favorites here. It gave me perspective on whom I was dealing with. I'm sorry she's taken over your home, and threatening you with the DV. As frustrating and painful as it is, it sounds like you're being smart. The DV is no joke. Good for you for having boudaries. |